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Original poster

I'm checked out but hubby's trying really hard

54 replies

ILoveTheOcean · 05/01/2026 11:33

I checked out of our marriage a long time ago. I was done being treated like an afterthought, but I stayed. Like so many, I stayed because of our child, because financial fears etc etc. And now my husband wants to try really hard to be a happy family but I'm just not feeling it. I am thankful for his efforts, and that he apologised for things gone wrong, but I cannot find that loving feeling again. I'm not angry at him anymore, but I'm not in love either. I'm stuck and I guess still fearful to leave because of my child and the unknown. Has anyone been here? Did you stay, did you manage to resolve and turn things around?

OP posts:
SomewhatAnnoyed · 07/01/2026 06:18

PaulineCollins · 06/01/2026 18:18

Men believe love means being forgiven.

Just like mammy does.

I really think you’re right that in some relationships men exchange one main woman in their life for another and expect that same level of unconditional love no matter what they do they do.

Skibbidirizzohio · 07/01/2026 06:23

ILoveTheOcean · 05/01/2026 12:28

He'd like to have more sex. I'm the one who doesn't really want to. There were years where I'd throw myself at him with a whole Anne Summers wardrobe and he'd be like ''maybe later''. He was texting other women behind my back, flirting around. Literally gawking at other women whilst I was right there!! And critizing me. The last time I checked his phone was when my son was 1yrs old, and I promised myself that day that I won't ever check his phone again because that day was the day I was done. It's been 7yrs, and in this time we've had to deal with covid, he got made redundant, I became the kicking post. And when he finally realized I was checked out, only then did he decide he'd like to be husband of the year sometimes. And like most men, he thinks that physical intimacy means everything is fine. I don't want to. I am struggling to fall back in love with someone who treated me like that in the first place!

Show quote history

No wonder you checked out OP

Skibbidirizzohio · 07/01/2026 06:27

BuddhaAtSea · 05/01/2026 17:15

Well, this is why I asked if trying hard to him looks like have more sex. I had one like him.
Bin him, fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Today I woke up and went for brunch with a girlfriend, my DD dropped a couple of tops she bought for me because she thought I’d look really cute in them, I had a friend drop by a meal she knows I love, I went to Pilates, I got a parcel with some hand and feet and face masks for a movie evening with girlfriends at the weekend, I’m about to watch another episode of a series, I’m having a bath later, clean pyjamas and bed with a good book. Not a single fuck given, nobody upset my peace. But 10 years ago I was wearing your shoes.

This is also me Smile

PersephoneParlormaid · 07/01/2026 06:28

Once resentment kicks in it’s over.

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