Asked dh to not work weekends or see MIL for a few weeks

[thedriving]

Dh usually works every Saturday and then on a Sunday goes to MIL for the morning and helps her with various jobs or takes her out.

I had a very traumatic loss recently and it’s coming up to what would have been my due date and I’m struggling . I asked him to please just for a few weeks to not work on Saturday and get BIL or SIL to take over the Sunday with MIL. He totally understood and has done that as he knows I just need him around and to spend time together as I’m still
grieving.

MIL/BIL/SIL think this is ‘awful’ and have called me all sorts and saying I’m controlling and isolating him. It’s literally temporary?? 4-6 weeks as I’m feeling so low.

DH has told them it’s non negotiable and that he’s needed at home.

Your DH has agreed
whatever anyone else thinks is irrelevant

That's awful of them to be so insensitive. Try to ignore and concentrate on your own wellbeing for now.

Seems fair enough to me. I’m sorry for your loss

Your DH sounds lovely. You are clearly feeling very vulnerable atm, but try not to give these awful people any of your energy.

l’m sorry for your loss, I’d recommend blocking BIL, sil and mil and going no contact with them

It’s really hurt me. They know what happened and how traumatic it was and MIL said ‘these things happen for a reason’ at the time and then it’s just not been mentioned like it never happened.

Oh my. The original arrangement seems too much but at least predictable. The behaviour of this family tells you everything you need to know.

Jeez, your h’s family sound awful. Don’t BIL and SIL want to see MIL? Sounds like they’re cross that your h won’t be there as usual.

I’d make sure that your h knows how upset you are. Can he see how badly they are treating you?

I’m sorry for your loss. I hope this time goes as smoothly as possible for you. 💐

Seems fair enough to me.
I wouldn’t be overly happy about DH working on Saturdays and then spending every Sunday morning somewhere else either. If I only had Saturdays and Sundays off work I’d really like my other half to also be around at least one full day of those.

Sorry for your loss.

Your DH needs to tell his family to stop being so callous and to shut the fuck up.

I'm so sorry you lost your baby. That must have been devastating.

Sounds to me as though your SIL and BIL and MIL are being incredibly selfish about this. Try not to focus on them now and focus on your own recovery.

How often to BIL and SIL visit their mum, help her with jobs and take her out? Probably not as much as your husband. They’re pissed off because they feel now that they might have to step up. Your MIL sounds horrendous, especially her comments after your loss. Thank god your husband is supportive. Is it possible he can permanently cull working on a Saturday?

"Everything happens for a reason" is the most trite, meaningless, brainless, lazy, unempathetic platitude out there.

I'm glad your DH is being supportive - when I started reading your OP I thought you were going to say that he was refusing to make himself available at the weekend.

Are you saying he’s not allowed to see his mum for 6 weeks??

Because yes that is very unreasonable.

Its fair enough to ask him to not do overtime or if you’re really struggling to not see his mum that day etc but it’s a bit much to tell him he can’t see his mum.

I am assuming this tragic event happened before you met him and so I am glad he is being so supportive but I think you should take it day by day rather than booking his time.
You may find that the first couple of weeks you’re absolutely fine and you block it out or something but then later on it hits you a few weeks later.
I would be telling DH that you feel you’ll need his support and can his work and BIL etc be on standby incase you need him.

Your reading comprehension is poor ...

"Traumatic loss recently" "coming up to my due date"

Which part of that makes you think this happened prior to her DH?

sorry for your loss Op. nice to see a DH standing up and doing what’s best for his wife. Ignore his horrible family. Have they said this to you directly? I wouldn’t be having anything to do with them in the future.

Deary me! What is wrong with folk these days! Enjoy your time with hubby!

so sorry for your loss

id encourage your DH to reconsider spending every Sunday morning with your MiL. His family doesn’t seem to appreciate how much he is doing for them and how little free time he gets otherwise. Now might be a good time to get into different habits.

I assumed because there was no mention of DHs loss or grief, so it suggests it happened prior to her DH.

Please try not to worry about what they think. They sound like a bunch of arseholes! I'm glad your DH is there for you and so sorry for your loss 💐

OP did say the traumatic loss was recent though.

Also, if DH has agreed and is fully on board with not doing any OT and asking his BIL/SIL to take over him helping MIL for a few weeks, then it implies very much that OPs not being unreasonable.

I’d say it’s more the BIL/SIL and MIL response which is unreasonable.

They sound despicable.

From now on only your dh deals with them. You just don't.

Blimey, what's up with them?! What a dreadful response to someone in the family who needs extra care. Totally shocked by this.

Very sorry for your sad loss.

You think a bloke’s feelings about a miscarriage are in any way comparable to those of the woman actually experiencing the loss? Good grief.

4-6 weeks?!?! I’m sorry but if a man demanded this of his wife, it would be seen as controlling and isolating her from her family. This is no different in my opinion. YABVU