Asked dh to not work weekends or see MIL for a few weeks

[thedriving]

Dh usually works every Saturday and then on a Sunday goes to MIL for the morning and helps her with various jobs or takes her out.

I had a very traumatic loss recently and it’s coming up to what would have been my due date and I’m struggling . I asked him to please just for a few weeks to not work on Saturday and get BIL or SIL to take over the Sunday with MIL. He totally understood and has done that as he knows I just need him around and to spend time together as I’m still
grieving.

MIL/BIL/SIL think this is ‘awful’ and have called me all sorts and saying I’m controlling and isolating him. It’s literally temporary?? 4-6 weeks as I’m feeling so low.

DH has told them it’s non negotiable and that he’s needed at home.

4-6 weeks is a rather long time.

Where did the op say she’d ‘demanded’ this? She asked her dh and he said yes.

No need any of them have your mobile number if they are awful. And tell dh you don't want any messages passed on to you of they aren't supportive ones..
Sorry for your loss op..

How is it ‘controlling and isolating’ though when the DH is fully on board and agrees. You do realise the purpose is to support his wife through an extremely distressing time? Isn’t this what marriage is about?!

Also, MIL has BIL and SIL to support with any jobs and help she may need. They should all be showing support and not gaslighting OP into thinking she’s a controlling monster because she TEMPORARILY needs him a little more in her life right now! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Stay around that weekend, sure. Cut it down so it's not every weekend sure.

Not see his mum for 4-6 weeks when it's usually weekly, and at a time when he might also need support - that's OTT.

Sorry for your loss, not nice people, lacking empathy, so happy your partner is supportive. 💕

It's pretty obvious that OP has had a very late miscarriage or a still birth. This isn't something that she will get over quickly or possibly at all. Her MIL/SIL/BIL's reaction is selfish and cruel. Even if they aren't happy with OP's DH not visiting for a few weeks, they should keep it to themselves rather than deliberately trying to make OP even more upset than she is already.

Luckily, her DH isn't an arsehole like the rest of his family and is happy to support her at this difficult time.

Your DH spends every Sunday with his mum? That's something that probably needs addressing anyway, that's too much and too intrusive on family life. They sound far too dependent on him. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm glad DH is doing the right thing for now.

What a weird and snarky comment

Ignore the trolling, OP. You've come to an agreement with your DH about how to handle the very painful weeks ahead. Of course you have a right to say what you need from your partner and he obviously agrees that it's reasonable.
Perhaps when you're ready to focus on your MIL's expectations, the two of you can talk about whether the weekly visits are a good thing. It sounds like too much especially as DH works Saturdays.

and you have not read and inwardly digested the OP so YABVVU

@thedriving I am so sorry for your loss. Your DH is doing the right thing. How has he been coping with the loss. Take time for yourselves and maybe in future, since he has siblings they tan take turns doing stuff for MIL on Sundays?

I’m sorry for your loss OP.

I have an elderly parent I see regularly, I do think they would struggle if I didn’t see them for a month or longer. Would your DH be able to make a visit during this time, even if it’s not on the usual Sunday?

But this elderly parent has two other children who can visit during that time.

I'm not expecting that she just gets over it. More that 4-6 weeks is a long time to expect him not to see his mum given the usual rhythm of their lives.

6 weeks isn't an anniversary of a due date but quite a protracted period. If when it comes to it the OP is struggling to the extent that he can't leave her at all weekends a month in, then if course his family should decide but to decide on advance a protracted grieving period of 6w is a bit odd.

Saying that, families all work in different ways and if both partners are content, that's what is important.

It doesn’t matter what they think.
Your Dh sounds like a good man.

Sorry for your loss.

Your sil and bil are pissed off because they have to make the effort to help mil that’s the real reason! They have to get off their arse and don’t want to!!

I actually have no idea why he’s spending every single weekend with his mum anyway. Regardless he is finally prioritising you and that has nothing to do with anything else. Is his mum disabled so the family all takes a day to look after her? I suppose the only reason someone else might have an opinion is if ‘someone’ has to do this and he needs someone else to pick up for him. But at that point it seems like this isn’t really working and your MIL needs a proper care plan.

im so sorry for your loss.

Can he pop round and see his mum for an hour on a weekday after work?
It doesn't sound like she deserves it, but on the other hand it might just calm things down a bit.

Like a pp, I'd not be happy hardly seeing my DH at the weekend. So a routine that has him visit after work on a different day could be a long term solution.

It doesn't matter what other family members think. You dh has agreed and it is his time - he gets to choose what he does with it.
Im surprised at other posters saying that spending one morning a week with a parent is too much though. I don't think so at all.

6 weeks isn't an anniversary of a due date but quite a protracted period. If when it comes to it the OP is struggling to the extent that he can't leave her at all weekends a month in, then if course his family should decide but to decide on advance a protracted grieving period of 6w is a bit odd.

What an incredibly callous post. OP has had a late loss, quite frankly her DH should be there for her as long as she bloody well needs him, be it 6 weeks or 6 months. My DH would be the same as OP's and prioritise my needs at such a deeply traumatic time.

OP you are not in any way unreasonable. Seeing as DH is in agreement let him deal with his family and protect you from their unkindness. I certainly wouldn't forget their lack of support at such a time.

OP mentioned coming up to the due date.

Surely that points to a pregnancy loss?

OP, I’m very sorry and hope things go well for you in the future. Unfortunately there are women who come out with this crap or similar, because decades ago losses were not talked about and it was assumed that people just needed to get over them. It is pretty bad to realise that this view is still being expressed.

I would t be in a hurry to resume any kind of contact with her.

They’re obviously pissed off about looking after their mum on a Sunday

Is it because they'll have to step up and fill in for a bit? I would ask them.

I'm glad your husband has your back. I couldn't come back from it and would tell them all to fuck off from now on. I'm sorry for your loss OP

I think it's good that DH is supporting you.

He doesn't, no. Just Sunday mornings. My brother sees our parents most Sunday mornings because my SIL prefers a lie in.

Anyway that's not the point. It's good to see your DH supporting you through this tough time. By the sounds of it you're rightly avoiding the in laws!