Hi all,
Bit of an odd one and I am looking for some outside perspective.
My ex husband and I have been divorced for almost three years. We have two boys aged 11 and 9, so we still see a lot of each other. I initiated the divorce and it was tough because the love was still there, and in many ways still is. We even slept together one final time the night before he moved out for good.
The reality though is that he was not a good partner or father. I felt like I was doing everything alone, so I eventually thought I might as well actually be alone. There was a lot of weaponised incompetence and I got completely sick of it. Things like asking me to watch “your child” while he showered or had some time to himself. He was physically present but not really there, always on work calls or distracted. Once I popped out for a coffee and a walk and came back to find the house completely trashed. He did not care because he knew I would clean it up.
The divorce itself was not messy. I had simply had enough and did not want my children growing up thinking that was normal. Co parenting is actually much better now and he is a better father because he has to be.
Fast forward to now. I met a man at a bar last April while I was out with friends. He approached me when I went to get a drink, we got talking and went outside to chat. He kissed me and I went back to my friends, but I gave him my number. I still do not know what possessed me to do that. He texted the next day and we have been seeing each other since.
It started as something light and fun for both of us. On my weekends without the boys I would go to his flat and we would spend the weekend together. He is spontaneous and we have been on lots of weekends away together, including the Netherlands, Scotland, France and the Lake District.
He has a good job, works hard and treats me well. I care about him a lot. We have things in common and share hobbies that we do together. Recently he said he would like to take things seriously. He has also told his parents about me and has said they would like to meet me sometime soon, which has made me feel surprisingly nervous.
This is where I start to feel unsure. He is 29 and there is a 15 year age gap between us. I am past the age of wanting more children and I want him to have the opportunity to have a family if that is what he wants. I have not introduced him to my children yet. Although it has become serious, he has only met a few of my friends and I have met his. I was his plus one at a wedding back in September.
Part of me wonders if he has some sort of mummy issues, or if I am overthinking everything. The age gap itself does not bother me hugely, but he is very much a younger millennial, almost Gen Z, and I am definitely an older millennial.