Left out of work do

[Leftoutworkydo]

Recently before Christmas, some of the women I work with were saying they didn't fancy going out drinking with other staff for the Christmas do. I suggested another option for this month and they were keen .
So they've now organised this and I'm not invited! It's bizarre as I usually (or thought I did) get on well with them. There's loads going. Not me.
I've done small favours regularly for one of the organisers and it's going to be difficult not doing it anymore. Too outing to mention. It doesn't put me out but I feel like telling her to do one to be honest.
I am wanting to leave anyway and this has spurred me on.
Thankfully I don't see them that often. I am hurt by it but am going to try and not show it. I'll paint on a smile.
Has anyone experienced similar?
I've never known anything like this?
Some of the women going are lovely and they wouldn't have done this. But they aren't organising it.

Oh and I'm not a terrible person btw. I have plenty of friends out of work 😁

Just ask why not? And ask why your not invited they may of accidentally left you out!

Could it be accidental that you have been left out?

No it's definitely not accidental. I've worked closely with both for hours since it's been organised. It's not something that needs booking either.
I'll be ok just makes me on my guard with them now.
People can be so odd sometimes.

I have a good social life thankfully. I haven't told my friends about it but my close family know. Ds1 (adult) was shocked and said they're mean.

I don't see why you're so sure it wasn't a pure accident. People get left off email lists or WhatsApp groups for this kind of thing all the time.

I won't be asking. But I will ask afterwards if they had a good time? And might say "oh I'd have enjoyed that never mind"
I'm really not that bothered now, just stings a bit. I know the main organiser can be 2 faced so she probably really hates me 🤣

I definitely have. It's too outing to go into details. I doubt very much they're on here but just in case I'm not saying.

Did you say that you too did not fancy the Christmas do and weren’t going, so why don’t we all do X?

Because if you didn’t, I think they took it as you making a suggestion for them as the few official party refuseniks, rather than you also being interested in that activity. They might have no idea that you would have liked to go.

Why dont you say "oh shall we organise X activity like i suggested? " and see what happens?

That sounds really shitty op, but how do you know you're definitely excluded if you don't mind me asking E. G. You suggested a flower arranging workshop instead of a Christmas boozy night out and now two of your colleagues have arranged one for 12 other people in the department? Or is it more like you said you'd not be up for a big meal and they agreed, you said afternoon tea would be preferable and now you've heard 4 friends are going?

If you originally suggested it they may just be assuming you are going. Ask one of the people you are friendly with something like what time are we all meeting up on |Saturday? Or something such, see how they respond. It would have to be a major conspiracy for everyone to agree not to invite you. Someone may have fed the idea that you couldn't make it for some reason, if so you could drop them right in it with a few careful comments.

No it was my idea to do X. I've had conversations with them about it. I think the organiser just doesn't like me. She can be like that. The other one will be embarrassed I imagine, but honestly I've purposefully been left out.

I'm ok just wanted to voice it really as I'd usually go to my friends about this. I may even do that? Just when I see them. Although we'll have other stuff to catch up on then. I have a lot of friends. I'm very sociable. If I didn't though I'd feel awful. I read about others being left out and it makes me sad. I'm actually active in helping lonely people to meet others (voluntarily). And an trying to start up something for local teens that may struggle with friendships.

I'm really busy the week this is happening and the week after so it's good in a way I'm not included. I'd have felt obliged as it was my idea.

Just ask if it were accidental or deliberate to leave you out - none of the waiting to be proven right and then saying it didn’t bother you. It does, so say something. Life is too short.

I'm actually active in helping lonely people to meet others (voluntarily). And an trying to start up something for local teens that may struggle with friendships.

And yet you can't simply say, "Oh what time's the do on X date?"

As others have said, it's probably a mistake.

I don't work in close vicinity with everyone all the time. It's hard to explain. Plus others probably aren't as excited as the organiser. So it hasn't been a main topic of conversation. The others are decent people and wouldn't conspire. I did say to them I hadn't been invited. They were surprised. A few aren't going anyway.
I have a theory as to why. Organiser despises a couple of the staff. I get on ok with them. I don't socialise with them but they haven't done anything to me. So I think she may be trying to get to me because of this? It was the other staff member and I originally who discussed X. She was there. I'm actually remembering how it played out as I'm writing. It's all daft really.

The thing isn't something I can't do myself with friends. So I may do it in future?

It doesn't matter if it was an accident - to arrange a social event and leave out one person is workplace bullying.

I will after but I'm too busy now anyway. If I'd known earlier I may have fit it in?

I just wanted to vent. And I have definitely been left* *out by her.

Am off out now but thanks for chatting with me everyone.

why not? Just ask now. They may genuinely have forgotten you.

Find your backbone in any case. These small things you do, are they on request? so next time they ask "oh no, i won't be doing that"

Good luck with the job hunt.

She's left the ones out she hates too. She openly hates them. There's a lot that's gone on there. Nothing with me afaik? But something has bothered her? Probably because I'm ok with everyone? Or maybe I said something that's upset her?

Anyway must go ttfn.

just tell her she's a stupid cunt then? Point out to everyone that she has only included her favoured colleagues, and that since it is a workplace this kind of thing has already been counted as bullying by employment tribunals.

You don't have to go to the event if it is then opened up to everyone, but pointing it out may help concentrate the organiser's mind a bit?

So, bluntly, if you don't actually much want to go and do whatever it is, and are already very busy that week, and would only have gone because it was originally your idea and you felt obliged, what is your problem with not having been invited?

And if the organiser doesn't like you, and you don't seem to like her, why on earth have you been doing her regular favours and are worrying about it being' 'difficult' to stop doing them?

Plus you say you've been wanting to leave the job for a while?

You seem hyper-focused on other people's opinion of you, and not at all on your opinion of them. It makes very little sense to me why you are this upset about someone else taking an idea for an alternative Christmas party that you mentioned in conversation, and running with it. Are you saying that literally everyone else in your team is invited bar you?

So it's arguably not a 'workplace do' at all? Just an individual who overheard you suggesting an alternative activity to the Christmas party, thought 'Sounds like fun', and invited some people she likes from work to do it with her? If multiple people aren't going, it's outside of work hours, not an official work event or being paid for by the employer etc, I'm not sure what she's doing wrong. Not inviting people she doesn't like?

I’m getting the impression from your posts OP that you have a strong self image of being ‘the person that everyone likes’ and that’s why not being invited has hit you so hard.

How did this come to light? Is it invitation only, could it be that no one specifically asked you but it hasn’t occurred to any one person to ask?

But if several other people aren't invited, as well as the OP, isn't it possible it's just being viewed as a non-workplace thing that some people who work at the company are doing on their own dime outside of work? That it wouldn't occur to people to see if she's going or not because lots of other people aren't?