Tired of husband putting his fingers in his ears when trying to validate my feelings

[Catty21]

Not sure if I just need to vent or if I’m crazy. Long story short, I had a severe mental health illness a few years ago. I’m still not 100 % there yet but my husband is using this against me all the time and blaming my moods on this, peri and I’ve the also added bonus of Crohn’s disease. I was working full time this time last year, but burnt out partly because I couldn’t cope with being a mum, being a full time house wife and juggling a demanding full time job whilst having my illness to deal with ( my husband washed up but I literally done all the cleaning /cooking ).

If I feel ill and ask for help or my husband does or says something that upsets me, and I try and communicate my feelings, I get shut down with “ it’s your hormones and stop nagging me” followed by him sticking his fingers in he’s ears and telling me to go away or ignore me completely.

I’m so lonely having to deal with my mental health and I hate felling jealous of my friends relationships because you can see they work together and help each other.

I’ve asked the mental health team so many times if they think I’m crazy and it’s all me, but they say no , it’s conflict at home but my husband disagrees that he’s the victim and I’m the mean one.

There’s just no end to it and I’m getting tired.

He is an abusive jerk. Leave

Sticking fingers in his ears is just another way of saying "shut the fuck up".

He's abusing you

I was in this position- the relationship
imploded last year and ever day I wake up grateful he isn’t lying beside me. It’s abuse. It’s hard but start planning an exit.

Ditch him. It will improve your wellbeing endlessly. He is an emotionally abusive twat

He’s contributing to your issues, get rid of him, your life will improve immediately!

He’s an abusive twat

Listen to your mental health team - that's all the validation you need.

My DH used to give me the silent treatment when he disagreed with me. This could last days. I never realised it was a form of abuse until I posted on here and was told he was abusive. It was a wake up call. I called him out and he did stop. So I say this with kindness, he is abusing you and you deserve so much better. Listen to your mental health team.

no

Op he’s a massive twat.

An adult man sticking his fingers into his ears when he doesn't want to hear something, thinks that you're the one with issues?

Your husband is a knob and I would wager you would feel 100% better if you didn't have him in your life.

To be blunt he’s an absolute cunt and abusive.

Would you support him giving up work entirely to manage the home while you weren’t well?

I suspect your mental health will improve no end when you leave this man.

Oh my goodness op - what is the reason you haven’t divorced him? He so minds vile and abusive and it’s very possible that it is him that is causing all your mental health problems. Can you be free of him?

Christ almighty, he is the ultimate in despicable bastards.

Please don't think any of this is your fault, because it isn't. He is REALLY abusive towards you.

Agreed. What a wanker.

You need to split up. You can't control someone else's behaviour.

It can be hard supporting someone who is ill, maybe he did his best and has now run out of steam or maybe he's always been an absolute arse. Either way you'll be better off without him.

A relationship is about mutual respect. His behaviour shows you repeatedly that he does not respect you. Life is so short, I truly hope you find your inner power and break up. You do not have to settle for breadcrumbs - being on your own would give you far more peace and wellbeing than this!!

I have a serious mental health condition as well as physical ailments, they all improved drastically after I kicked my crappy ex out years ago.

Yes, and I have done in the past . He doesn’t support me working or not working. I’d love to go back to work but have been told not to unless he agrees to split the house chores 50/50. He’s refused because he then won’t have time to play online . He wouldn’t even clear up after himself when we stayed at his mums house over Xmas.

Exactly this
no more conversation needed

why people put up with this sort of bullying always amazes me!

He's abusive. Get rid of him and your mental health will improve.

What is the reason you haven’t divorced him?

im afraid op unless you give detail of why, which may well be valid, no one on this thread will understand why you haven’t and be able to help you.

you’re just going to get message after message about what an abusive cunt he is, which is clearly true, but doesn’t actually help your situation.