Sitting in bedroom like a teen

[Justpeachy88]

I’m thinking no but is it normal for someone to sit in the bedroom all day if they’re upset with you or after an disagreement? All day, just coming down to make themselves food/ get a drink. Not getting involved in doing anything else or talking to anyone. Just watching tv in bed. I’m just having to crack on with housework, making dinner which has been refused as they’re not hungry after making themselves something an hour earlier. I’m talking about a husband/partner. Nothing big either just a difference in opinion.

@Justpeachy88 they sound like they are sulking.....big time!!! I couldn't put up with that

Sometimes I need a few moments to defuse emotions but a whole day? Sulking isn’t an attractive quality.

I’ve already tried to talk it out but won’t be trying for a second time. It’s not how I planned to start my new year!

I’d just ignore him. Cook for yourself and go about your day. You’ve offered opportunities for him to talk - let him break the ice now.

Never again in my life will I put up with this shit. It’s a miserable existence op and being on your own is a million times more peaceful.

Your partner is a pathetic immature manbaby twat - is this a one off or a pattern of behaviour?

This person needs to now become your ex partner because such behaviour is abusive in nature.

What is the situation re the property and finances?. Whose home is this?. Are you named on a mortgage or joint tenancy agreement?.

Hopefully there are no children living with this arsehole ?

Yeah it’s happened before and tomorrow it will probably be like nothing has happened. But it doesn’t make it any less upsetting now.

It’s a joint tenancy, we have separate finances.

It's really embarrassing isn't it.........

He will continue to abuse you as long as you are there. What he will do now is show you yet again the nice part of the nice/nasty cycle of abuse which is a continuous one. He will apologise and say sorry but it is not meant at all so will revert to type soon enough. Such men can and do damage boundaries and yours are being further weakened by him.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

How long is your tenancy agreement?.

Crack on and live your life as if he doesn't exist! Go out, see your friends, do shopping, sit in your car for a bit with a coffee just to make the point that you don't give a fuck what he does in the bedroom.
I hate sulkers.
Pathetic form of control and attempted emotional abuse. Wants you to be on tenterhooks, oooh why is he upset, shall I go and talk to him, I feel awful let's try and sort it out - NO!
You deserve better. You need to think about life without him, or if this is genuinely 100% the only form of control or moodiness he exhibits then just totally ignore it. But I bet he does other things too to spoil your mood and days?

Sulking like this is a form of emotional abuse.

Nothing more unattractive than someone who isn’t emotionally intelligent enough to talk through an issue or why they’re upset. It sounds like you’re living with a toddler.

It's perfectly fine for an adult to choose to hang out in bed watching telly if they're not meant to be doing much else. Having space for each person to do their own thing in a room alone sometimes is a positive that many people don't have.

But not in order to sulk and try and make things awkward for another person.

I guess going into another room after an argument to cool off for an hour or so is reasonable. But only so you can reconvene when both are calm to clear the air.

I experienced this with a new partner for the first time ever at the ripe old age of 50 and he was 54 and the first time he went into a sulk was after I stuck up for myself after a year full of subtle digs which I found disrespectful. I didn’t use any bad language or raise my voice but me growing a spine obviously caught him off guard and he just went into a ridiculous sulk for the rest of the day which at the time I found it difficult to not burst out laughing at. We were on holiday at the time, so that was nice 🙄.

I eventually left and not long after joined MN and it’s quite depressing how prevalent this kind of behaviour is amongst a lot of men 😱.

He's training you not to disagree with him, it's emotional abuse. My parents' marriage was like this.

Don't offer him any more food or drink and don't make any more attempts to discuss things with him - you've tried that and he's refused. If he was too upset to discuss things and needed space he'd say so.

If you can, visit a friend or relative for a few hours tonight, otherwise wrap up warm and go for a walk, it'll make you feel better. Don't go upstairs explaining to him, just go. If you're not working tomorrow take yourself off early to wander round the shops. Let him wonder where you are - at the moment he holds all the power.

While you're out think about whether you really want to spend the rest of your life like this, and whether it's worth giving him a chance to grow up and learn how to address problems like an adult.

If there's ANY chance he may get violent forget the above and plan your escape.

Exactly as @3beesinmybonnet says and if you also have kids, it's opting out of family life too.

My ex would go to bed for his mantrums

I do this, always have done but I’m recently dx as autistic. I do it because I want to reset my emotions and not be bad company to my husband after a row. I explained to him I just need the space and time to have a “duvet day” because I always emerge a more reasonable version of myself. I usually work extra hard at chores after a day off like that though, I’d be concerned if he’s not giving you a chance to rest/decompress after he has reset, if he is autistic too that is.

I do this too. Also suspect autistic. I find disagreements or any interactions that require a lot of care and attention really exhausting. But I don't sulk or ignored people - if I need rest/recharge I would be sure to communicate this, and make up for it afterwards, as well as ensure my partner had equal rest/recharge time in whatever way they needed.

So I guess it depends OP, whether they are able to communicate what's going on, and if they need to recharge/whatever or if they are giving you silent treatment/punishing you....

Thanks for chiming in. I am not the best at communicating normally and often can’t at all when in a shutdowns that sends me to hibernate!

OP chat with him when he emerges. It’s a pattern, so yeah find out. It might not be mind game emotional abuse. See what he has to say for himself.

Thanks for all of the replies. Yeah I did go out earlier at about 2 for an hour to the shops then again for a big walk at 4 but I don’t even think he noticed I’d gone to be honest.

@SummerFeverVeniceyeah I understand, my son is autistic and suspect I am so completely understand the need for space and reset. I feel like this is done maybe to prove a point rather than a need he has. He doesn't have ASD, well not that I know of. He’s actually been up and downstairs a few times now and past me in the living room like I’m not here.

It depends if there are kids involved and what the argument was about.

I need time by myself and if my DP had done something wrong then I’d want to stay clear of them for a while too.

Whats the point in constantly arguing. Sometimes you just need space.

But if there are kids involved then it’s not fair to have this atmosphere around them or make 1 parent do the parenting.

I would accidentally take the WiFi router plug out whilst I was doing the hoovering.