Sitting in bedroom like a teen

[Justpeachy88]

I’m thinking no but is it normal for someone to sit in the bedroom all day if they’re upset with you or after an disagreement? All day, just coming down to make themselves food/ get a drink. Not getting involved in doing anything else or talking to anyone. Just watching tv in bed. I’m just having to crack on with housework, making dinner which has been refused as they’re not hungry after making themselves something an hour earlier. I’m talking about a husband/partner. Nothing big either just a difference in opinion.

Do you have children together?

No kids together no, his aren’t here today and I have 2 children who also haven’t had any interaction with him today. We’d be better on our own.

I guess the only way to deal with it is to talk to him about it - when you do abc it makes me feel xyz....see what he has to say about it.

This is abusive. My dad did this it was exhausting and upsetting, it's a weapon to make you 'behave'. It's the start of coercive control. Does he like you having friends? If not that's another indicator.

How old are they? What a message for them to be receiving about how relations ships work. I could dismiss it for myself, but not for my children. An unrelated man making everything awkward and stressful in their own home? Get rid of him.

Stop pitting your children through this toxic behaviour and get rid. They deserve to live in a home where there isn’t an atmosphere and they’re not walking on egg shells wondering why he’s locked away in a room ignoring everyone again.

Whose house is it?

How long were you together when he moved in. If you don't have joint DC there is no need to live together. Just think, wouldn't life be easier if you met up for a date once a week, then you could do what you want in your home. Apologies if the reason you live together is to do with saving money on rent.

We were together 2 years when he moved in, been 6 years now. I went out yesterday morning and came back 6 hours later with no contact from him, but when I got home it was like nothing had gone on.

I tried to talk to him and he said if he doesn’t want to speak to anyone he shouldn’t have to and I could have come to talk to him at any point, which I did in the morning but gave up after that. I don’t feel I have the energy for this anymore.

Tell him it's time for him to make plans to move out!
I can't believe you're still trying to talk to him. You're dancing to his tune, kindly. Just leave him alone. Give it to him back! Don't acknowledge his presence, don't cook for him, don't do his washing etc.
Why does he get to sulk and isolate while you have to run the house? Is this what you want for the rest of this year?

For the sake of your children move him out.
Their home should be their safe space- they should not have to endure their mother’s toxic boyfriend in it.
Does he pay his way?

So this is now the third day he's been giving you the silent treatment. You've tried to talk to him and it hasn't worked. It's not the first time he's done this. It works for him - he decides when things go back to "normal" and you and your DCs have to accept it.

Sorry @Justpeachy88 but you need to stop this for the sake of your children. I grew up trapped inside my parents' volatile marriage - a merry go round of blazing rows and silent treatment interspersed with good times. I was constantly on high alert monitoring my parents moods and altering my behaviour accordingly. By the time I was 11 I used to wish they'd stop the constant threats to split up and just do it - life was peaceful with only one of them at home. I was determined never to get married as I believed behind closed doors all marriages were like that ( I did get married btw). Your DCs will think this is normal for relationships. Anyone who thinks dcs don't notice, or aren't affected by it, is deluding themselves - it's constant stress and it will affect them.

Please make arrangements to take your dcs out of this situation- he's not even their father and he certainly isn't a good stepfather based on what you've said. Don't tell him you want out of the relationship until you're organised as he'll likely start love bombing you to make you change your mind.

Good luck xx.