Husbands.drinking

[Charly34]

struggling , im 37 he is 47 been together 15 years i raised his two kids with him (no mum she walked) , he has always drank of an evening since the day we met, was never an issue as such unless he drank whisky then he was horrid, I occasions 13 years ago he was verbally violent to me but I stayed and had been great since but since then I hate drinking with him never have dont like it incase he was to ever turn again even thou he hasn't untill this year, ..
He has always had me on a peddle stall great man in the day so helpful round the house to couldn't ask for better so helpful woth housework cooking the kids etc , he ticks all the boxes works so hard to but he drinking has got worse and is mixing with sleeping pills which makes him a mess and I cant stand to be near him, he doesn't touch a drop till our youngest (3) is in bed and then he switches off with a beer, great , thats acceptable but its the mixing with meds he is smashed and falling everywhere and is insulting when I ask what's happened to him, cant stand to be around him... anyways ... I put my foot down 2 month ago told him get help or im gone, he did, he did one coucilling session and a hypnotherapy session and went 3 weeks with nothing couldn't of been prouder, he has now drank for 5 days straight 6-8 beers a night and I cant stand it .. am I being a humbug as its Xmas season? I cant be around him soon as he starts slurring it jars me and im not feeling happy , then he asked if we can have sex and I dont want to he is not attractive to me , he snores terrible when drunk like most and the room stinks of stale beer every morning , I dont no what to do myself , he stayed in a hotel last week as he was so ashamed of his verbal behaviour towards me the night before he cried and left for the night... I didn't no weather to be angry that he left me to run the home and kids alone or to feel sorry him that he was sad alone,
Sorry for the essay ,think I needed to get this off my chest

I am so to hear about your situation.

He is clearly making an effort even if it's currently not enough.

Has he thought about joining Alcoholics Anonymous? I heard they are good.

I also heard AA run separate groups for relatives.

I hope it helps

Soon as NY is over tell him you need to see some real effort to stop drinking, if he doesn't you know what you need to do Op. Sadly the good man in the day will be eclipsed more and more if he doesn't stop

He’s an addict, he will always go back to it.

You didn’t cause it and you can’t cure it.

He won’t stop until he wants to stop. It doesn’t matter what you say, or how bad he feels the next day. He will not stop unless it’s his own decision. He has a problem with alcohol.

I would leave, and I say that as someone who has been where you are.

Unfortunately you can’t change him, only how you choose to live.
You need to decide what you can live with.
Good luck

Addicts rarely change. Prioritise that poor 3 year old and get yourselves out of there.

Just so hard , he doesn't touch a drop until our little one is sound alseep but I said to him I get this husband,

He brought 4 beers last night after promising me he wouldnt drink , only drank 2 but he was slurring and drunk he then said he took a vallium, I was furious I took my self to bed after giving him some cross words, he then proceeded to yell out from the living room that he pays for everything he does nothing but works hard and noones gives a shit , I even pay for your car , and then shouted more saying you dont even give me sex what sort of marriage is this,
I told.him to shut up and went to bed as this is what he does eveytime he is pissed, like he is some higher being , yes he pays for most being the higher earner then me but before my son came along we was 50 50 on all bills , im very stubborn so he needs to be careful because I will prove to him I can do it alone, I would even go as far as giving him.the car back,
He is awake now and is talking to me like normal, he normally doesn't remeber so its my.job to explain things which is exhausting, im just being cold at the moment he will click soon that somthing happened

Time to end this dysfunctional mess of a marriage. It is to all intents and purposes over because he had and will continue to choose drink over you. His primary relationship is with drink, not you and it’s never been with you either. He will continue to be in denial and
lie not just to you but himself. Your own recovery from his alcoholism has not started yet and will not until you and he are apart. The effects too of all this on the children is incalculable. And it will affect them markedly in adulthood too. You have a choice re him and they do not. They do not warrant an alcoholic parent in their lives.

He is an addict - drinking and using prescription medication is a dangerous business. If I were you, I'd tell him to leave and sort himself out, otherwise you need to end the relationship. This is no way for you to live and he doesn't seem to care about the effect this is having on you. You should be able to feel comfortable and relaxed in your own home!

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Did you see similar behaviour from parents in your childhood home?.

You met this man when you were but 22 so had little to no life experience behind you. I think he deliberately went for someone 10 years younger because he thought such a younger woman would be easier to manipulate because many women his age would have not embarked on a relationship with him.

Oh god these messages are tense 😂, totally get it thou, appreciate all these comments
I was 23 and yes I did take.on a lot but ive always been an old soul tbh lived alone aince i was 16 always worked hard , we had a great time age wasn't noticed he is quite young for his age was a single dad and just brilliant even now he is amazing but I dont no whats happened , and nope was raised watching mum.and dad have a great relationship, no traumas ,
I going to have to talk AGAIN with him which is frustrating see what happens we will all loose thou so its difficult to just say kick him out 3 children involved x

The brilliant and or and amazing man you fell for has
long since gone never to return. The red flags were there re him and you saw what he was like after drinking spirits. You are likely to be confusing love here with codependency. How is it you lived alone at 16?. You don’t have to answer that but that also played into his hands. He is NOT amazing now, he’s a drunkard.

Talking to an alcoholic about his drinking is a complete waste of time. He will only hear white noise from you and in his head you interfere with his drinking time. You can only help your own self ultimately and these children cannot afford to grow up in a house where one parent is an alcoholic. You owe it to these children for them to be raised in a home where alcoholism is not present. It’s not called the family disease without good reason either. You’re also affected by his alcoholism as are these children present. Save yourself and these kids.

It's horrible for the children to hear you both shouting at each other when they are in bed.

You don't seem bothered about the impact this has on them. Your youngest is 3 and is being heavily affected by this. You say people's remarks are 'tense' and then laugh.
You don't seem to care about the children at all.

Does his GP know he’s mixing his meds with alcohol ? I suspect not, it’s not reccomended.

He's certainly not putting you on a 'pedal stall'. He's treating you appallingly.

You've posted this before haven't you?

This is not true. Some people stop for good.

I grew up around this kind of nonsense and it messed me up.

It’s unlikely he’ll change. Put your small child first and leave. If he wants to sort himself out, really sort himself out, then you could try again but until then you need to think about yourself and your children.

@ticktickticktickBOOM little harsh our little boy is our light and life and nothing happens around him, we dont even scream at eachother we just bicker and it, I tell him.with anger but I rarely shout ,I just yelled at him to shut up from mt kitchen through to him and that was it my son has never been disturbed by any of this, but I do fear he will as I wont hold my tounge for much longer ,and thats what worries Me, I appreciate yoir concern as your right there are kids here so I'd probably worry the same.but I would never suggest the mother doesn't care for them,
And yes people can change will he change who knows ? Will he needs a wake up call absolutely its just hard , just wanted to see if anyone else had a similar experience to me im not in a DV relationship im not scared he just sits there pissed most nights or every night and I just dont like he seems despressed like he isn't coping and ive tried the whole.supportive wife routine but I then get very annoyed when he decided to buy a couple, in reality he rehab for his evening habits its literally just beers but now the mixing meds on top as he is adhd and doesn't sleep so in his mind he thinks he will be KO'd but he acts like a dick and doesn't remember it , again thank you all for comments, I just laughed as I was a bit taken back to the quick statements to leave his arse im not nieve he is good man but somthings wrong 15 years later he starts acting up 🤦🏻‍♀️

@elliesmummy19 I get it , the older two 15 and 19 have also told there dad so I dunno , they no I dont bite back as I can't be arsed if rather leave him on the sofa and I go to bed but my 15 year old will always pop in and check in, and then she will shame him in the mornimg , this does sounds terrible 😒 I will have another stern conversation with him and tell.him.he needs to leave if he cant sort him out , not fair on everyone

@BillieWiper yes on someone's else's thread,

Well, what do you want us to do or say? We can support you but only you can actually do something about it. And most importantly , only you can protect the kids. He is not an amazing dad . You however, can be an amazing mum by getting them out of there.

Oh and a stern conversation will make no difference at all.

The kids will know he is an alcoholic and they will be impacted by it. Don’t kid yourself that their not been damaged by the current situation.

Hmmm. I distinctly remember it being its own thread. The 'pedal stall' made me remember you.

Oh well maybe not. He sounds awful anyway.

No amount of stern talking will have any effect whatsoever. And it’s concerning that the 15 year old is checking on dad: that was never her responsibility. They are aware and this from their dad will
mess them up big time.