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Original poster

Should I tell me ex im going out at the weekend?

49 replies

Shani85 · 30/12/2025 08:50

Ok so hear me out..we had been together for 11 years and i finshed the relationship a week ago it came to a natural end for me i just didnt see a future with him anymore (we didnt live together) but i still love and care about him. He was my best friend..maybe not so much towards the end but we did always go to music events together. If one couldnt go the other wouldnt go it was a respect thing. we went once maybe twice a month to a certain music event together. I once went on my own when he was away with his friends and he was very hurt and upset that i went on my own without him he thought I wouldnt of gone but i did and it caused a massive arguement and he was so upset. Anyway there is a music event this weekend and I am planning on going but should I tell him i am going? We havent spoken since i finished things but i still respect him and I think knowing him he would be upset about me going. The thing is aswell we have made friends at these music events and they are going to ask me where my partner is and im going to have to tell them its over between us but i remember him saying when i last went on my own that he was embarrased because people will think we arent together and he doesnt want people to know his business. So im thinking out of respect should i just drop him a txt telling him im going or should i just go and not say anything? I know he will be upset about me going or should i not go at all?

OP posts:
JanetNotARobot · 30/12/2025 08:52

No you shouldn’t tell him.

You’ve broken up, you don’t owe him anything. And while you say you respect him, he doesn’t seem to respect you much if he’s telling a grown woman not to go out.

go out, have a nice time, enjoy the freedom of it!

Blueuggboots · 30/12/2025 08:54

You have broken up with him. You don’t need to tell him anything!!

UpDownAllAround1 · 30/12/2025 08:54

No way. He should behave like an adult and not have tantrums

Meadowfinch · 30/12/2025 08:56

No of course not. He has no further say over your life and how you spend your time.

If you share dc then it's good manners to keep your phone on so he can contact you in an emergency, but otherwise, he doesn't feature in your weekend at all. That's the whole point of ending things.

SBGM247 · 30/12/2025 08:56

Shani85 · 30/12/2025 08:50

Ok so hear me out..we had been together for 11 years and i finshed the relationship a week ago it came to a natural end for me i just didnt see a future with him anymore (we didnt live together) but i still love and care about him. He was my best friend..maybe not so much towards the end but we did always go to music events together. If one couldnt go the other wouldnt go it was a respect thing. we went once maybe twice a month to a certain music event together. I once went on my own when he was away with his friends and he was very hurt and upset that i went on my own without him he thought I wouldnt of gone but i did and it caused a massive arguement and he was so upset. Anyway there is a music event this weekend and I am planning on going but should I tell him i am going? We havent spoken since i finished things but i still respect him and I think knowing him he would be upset about me going. The thing is aswell we have made friends at these music events and they are going to ask me where my partner is and im going to have to tell them its over between us but i remember him saying when i last went on my own that he was embarrased because people will think we arent together and he doesnt want people to know his business. So im thinking out of respect should i just drop him a txt telling him im going or should i just go and not say anything? I know he will be upset about me going or should i not go at all?

The kindest thing to do is to go no contract. Walk away. Don't drag it out @Shani85 .

willadvicemess · 30/12/2025 08:56

Go, don't tell him, enjoy spending time with your friends - who cares if they know you aren't together anymore? Normally people who don't want anyone to know a relationship has ended is because they're either hiding somewhere or they know they've been massively unreasonable an don't want others to know about it to maintaining the good guy image.

Bringemout · 30/12/2025 08:58

If someone broke up with me and then told me they were going out I would assume they are trying to get my attention for their own reasons. You haven’t spoken and you don’t want him, leave him to it. He sounds insecure, this will just feed drama.

PeopleTheyAintNoGood · 30/12/2025 09:02

That sounds really controlling and you've done well to end it.
Enjoy your weekend and don't let him dictate what you can and can not do ever again.
I think you should be completely no contact from now on.

Humanswarm · 30/12/2025 09:03

I see why you might feel you should, but when does that end? How many events will you goto where you feel the need to tell him? This is your life now, if he finds out, and if he's upset is no longer your concern.

MamaJenni · 30/12/2025 09:20

Absolutely do not tell him. Youre free to do whatever you want now! Tell the mutual friends too. No one cares tbh! And he will have to just get over the fact youre both single now

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/12/2025 09:22

You didn’t live together after 11years? How come ?

and sounds very controlling to not do an activity you enjoy if the other couldn’t go

and no don’t tell him

you aren’t together anymore

Neveranynamesleft · 30/12/2025 09:27

You have no need to tell him anything. You do your thing and he does his. End of.

Bones75 · 30/12/2025 09:47

No you don't tell him. You're over, and free to live your life as you see fit.

ManyPigeons · 30/12/2025 10:30

No. He will likely turn any action you take into a negative. If you tell him he will believe you’re showing off or saying you’re already over him or warning him not to come.

Just cut the cord.

Mapleunicorn · 30/12/2025 10:36

I can see why you would consider telling him, but what will you do if he turns around and says he would rather you didn’t go? Or can you not mention anything to our mutual friends about the break up? I get wanting to stay respectful, but he doesn’t get a say in your life anymore, and doesn’t get a say in who you choose to tell what to. Telling him things just makes him think he is entitled to an opinion on it when he isn’t. Cut the cord, go and enjoy it without needing to feel accountable to him

Icecreamisthebest · 30/12/2025 10:39

No don’t tell him. What would that achieve? You are both supposed to be moving on with your lives and that means no contact and making your own decisions without reference to each other

Gingercar · 30/12/2025 10:43

No I wouldn’t go down that complicated path of telling him, especially after his reaction last time. And if you tell people you’re only being truthful and telling them your own business too. What else could you do when people ask - lie that you’re together? Just don’t go too deep into the whys and wherefores or grumble about him.

Is there a chance that he could be there too?

Lurkingandlearning · 30/12/2025 10:47

There’s no need for you to tell him. He isn’t going to think you will stop doing things you enjoy because the relationship has ended. You might even see him there if he wants to continue enjoying these gigs too.

SummerInSun · 30/12/2025 10:55

It was very unhealthy that you wouldn’t go to gigs without each other and that if one of you couldn’t go the other had to miss out. In a loving relationship you want each other to have fun and not miss out on things just because the other one isn’t available. Why should my DH have to miss something he wants to do because I’m working, ill, have another commitment?! Calling it “respect” is just trying to find a word to make petty controlling behaviour acceptable.

You’ve rightly ditched him. Go to the gig, have fun, and next time doing get into a relationship with someone who won’t let you have fun with friends without him.

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 30/12/2025 10:58

Adding to the chorus of no, don't tell him. What you do and where you go is no longer any of his business.

Catza · 30/12/2025 10:59

Why on earth do you think you should tell him? No, I don't think you love him and respect him. If you did, you'd allow him time to grieve the breakup and not rub your social life in his face.
You made a choice to remove him from your life, stick with it. Regardless of his shortcomings I can't imagine anything worse than for him to receive a text message advertising your social engagements a week after the breakup.

WallaceinAnderland · 30/12/2025 11:13

Maybe he is also going, you might bump into him there.

Sneesellsseashells · 30/12/2025 11:17

I think for both of your sakes you need to go full NC. If a relationship has elements of control, which yours did, full NC is for the absolute best when you are ending it.

Comtesse · 30/12/2025 11:20

No need to let him know, would look like you’re fishing for attention. But be prepared that he might be there himself.

WarmGreyHare · 30/12/2025 11:44

Is there a possibility you might bump into him there? If so I would probably let him know in an FYi kind of way, especially if you have a shared friend group.
But make sure it is worded in a way that doesn't invite his opinion!

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