Am I being stupid/overthinking 2

[annon135]

thank you to mumsnet for deleting previous thread. I was worried My husband saw the thread on google and I dont want him to have knowledge of any of this, mainly because I dont want him to use any of this to his advantage.

ive had to come to work and im thinking of a plan.

I dont believe him
I wont get the truth
cried my eyes our driving to work I look horrendous

But I left from work saying, you ring your friend and get proof that Either He has the banking information via text that is the same for this drug dealer and transaction Or get me the drug dealers information, and he said at first how am I going to get a drug dealers information - and i said well your friend is clearly very close with him as he has his account number and sort code so should be very easy! Hes very scared. Why would you be scared if youve not done anything wrong?

told him about organised crime and sex trafficing picture (thank you so much to whoever found this)

thanks for everyones support before i reported the post I screen shot all your messages x

Is this referring to the post about the bank transfer to a rather odd name?

hi yes xx

I didn't get chance to read much of your last one before it was deleted so I'm not sure where you were at when it wrapped up.
Are you now certain this was a drugs purchase, or is the sex worker/brothel still a possibitly?
I'm really sorry you are going through this OP. Having to go into work with this shit hanging over you can't be nice x

sorry, so no I dont believe a word he said its all lies. I knew he was lying straight away. So Im up to waiting for him to fabricate this drug story by showing me "proof" from his friend.

I dont know how else to prove this.

You don’t have to prove it. You know he’s lying, and that’s all you need. It’s not a requirement on you to have to have cast iron proof to leave him. What a scum bag he is.

You do know you can leave a relationship at any point for any reason . You don’t have to have proof , you know how you feel in your heart and that’s enough .
Your instinct never really lies and if you don’t want to be with him anymore please don’t put yourself through all this .

Thank you, I know. But Ive been with this man since I was 15, we have a 6 year old and a 9 year old I dont know how the hell I would do that to my babies. But also not naive that this shit happens all the time. Im still in some kind of shock and praying that he isn't lying, but I know in my gut its all bullshit.

I think the moment you tell him to leave is when he’ll start telling the truth, minimising it at first obviously.

Are you able to check his Google timeline? If he has his location on his phone turned on, his google timeline will record and save where he was.

I agree with the others though, you don't need proof, But at the same time I understand why you would want it especially when kids are involved. He should be doing everything possibly to prove to you what that money was spent on.
Again, as I didn't see the whole of your last post, I'm assuming he's claimed it was for drugs for him and his mate from someone his mate knows by the sounds of it. If that's the case, him or his mate would have an outbound call or text to the dealer. So surely one of them can provide a screen shot of this?

Tbh it was best you deleted the name from the original post, it would be easily searchable.

personally i think it must be a sexual service given her previous. However shes a glutton for punishment if shes already been caught before and got 6 years for it, still clearly up yo no good, possibly running a brothel? The police surely are all over her bank account. And lets face it, no ones going to reference what it was actually for on the payment are they? HJ, BTB 😆

but anyway, you know him best. Do you honestly feel in your gut hes lying? If so you should end the relationship. You dont need any further evidence, youre now prolonging upset.

I missed some of the previous thread.
Was this the transaction made at about 3 in the morning for about £170?
The name on the transaction was posted and then posters were trying to work out whether it was a sex worker or a restaurant bill?

I missed a chunk too. Did he say it was for drugs? Not many drug dealers call them self by a Thai woman’s name and take bank transfer.

Yes - £170 at 3am in the morning

We must NOT repeat the name on the banking transaction on this thread as that is how the OP's husband became aware of this thread - that name was coming up in Google search results with the previous Mumsnet thread as the first result.

Yes, some posters were still debating whether the transaction was for a restaurant or something else. It is not a restaurant.

The female Thai name on the receipt is a notorious sex worker / brothel owner / sex trafficker (with convictions).

The "sex act" which OP's husband paid for may not have been with "Miss XYZ Thai Whatsit" herself - more likely a transaction to pay the brothel owner for an "encounter" with one of her "girls".

Even if "Miss XYZ Thai Whatsit" is currently in jail, she could still be running a brothel and sex traffic ring from behind bars -- and all the bank transactions still get paid to her.

I expect the income is quite useful to her if she's inside - to buy cigarettes, favours or other contraband from people.

She may or may not be in jail (despite the conviction). We don't know what the sentencing decision was.

You've given him thd opportunity to cobbled together some fake proof. The mate he was with who you already said on previous thread would "cover" for him will now produce some fake bank statements or previous transactions which all look like payments for drugs.

With the extremely proficient computer technology now available (Adobe illustrator, Photoshop, AI, and various other digital editing packages) ..... I will not be difficult for someone with good IT / techy need knowledge to produce a few fake documents.

Is that what you're waiting for ????

You say in your last line:
"I don't know how else to prove this"

You want your husband to prove that he paid a drug dealer with fake proof / fake evidence ??? ..... and if your husband manages to do that, you will then stay with him and drop the issue ???

Your husband is not going to suddenly have a damascene conversion and provide you with the proof that it was for .......... sex act at ............ brothel:

"Yes darling, heres the proof you wanted - it was this hooker - here's her name - here's her profile on Viva Street and I paid £170 for two hours of GFE (girlfriend experience)"

He's not going to do that !!!!

He paid for sex !!! It will happen again.

It probably has happened previously. This man is putting your own health in danger with his behaviour.

The very point that you have a 6 year old and a 9 year old is the reason you do this. They will look to you for how a relationship should be. Better to get out now while they are young and get yourself sorted.
Its such a hard thing to do but in time you'll feel better

Hi everyone, so anyone who followed the previous thread.

Ive come home to the voicenote deleted and all chats cleared.

So I asked he tried to lie for about 10mins and I said just tell me the truth and he did, well part of the truth. He said he went to a stripclub and got a private dance.

If Im honest with you, if it was a stripclub lapdance or a blowjob from a sex worker on a street corner its enough for me to never want anything to do with him again.

just trying to process everything.

thanks all as this has been the only place I can speak about it Ive appreciated everyones help xx

I dont even think its a strip club its a Thai massage place, I dont think strip clubs take bank transfers.
Sorry you are going thru this it must be so awful. What are you going to do?

What a fucking idiot he is! If you think he’s still lying, which strip club, where? £170 seems pricy for a private dance (having said that, I’ve never had one, so maybe I’m wrong?)
I would have thought strip clubs were more likely to take bank transfer than brothels, but again, never been to a brothel so don’t know, I just assumed they would be cash only?
I am sorry op, he’s a massive twat. I’d say he’s still minimising. Why do they always do that?? Dicks 🤬

Strip clubs don’t tend to take bank transfers do they?

It’s besides the point really, he lied to you and betrayed your trust.

I am so sorry you’re going through this OP, I really am. Please get some real life support and just know that one day you will look back at this, happier than you’ve ever been, and feel nothing but disgust for this pathetic piece of shit.

He's just trying to down play what he actually did with another lie:

1. Lie no.1 - hi darling I paid for a drug dealer for my mate. Of course my mate will pay me the £170 back (one day). I had nothing to do with it - I don't take drugs myself - of course not. I was just helping a mate out.

2. Lie no.2 - soz actually it was a strip club. I paid for a private dance (at least admitting the transaction was for something he paid for himself - for his own pleasure).

3. With each lie he's trying to "distance" himself from the actual deed. He thinks the "strip club" story is more palatable to you as a private dance (even if naked) does not involve sex and inserting body parts.**

A private dance would have cost approx £50 cash. Men pay strip club dancers cash - £10 and £20 notes to watch a group performance with all the other punters. £50 for a private dance in a booth / private area.

** Strip clubs have strict rules about this and their female dancers are usually sacked if they break this rule on the premises.

4. The full SP (the truth that he cannot bring himself to admit because he knows it is too shameful) is that he paid for sex from a prostitute at a brothel (which does take bank transfers due to the high value transactions - not many people walk around with £200 cash on them).

Yeah I think its more than a strip club, but even that as a married man going into a strip club and getting a private naked dance? Whilst your wife and kids are at home and you come and kiss your wife an hour later. Hes vile he makes my skin crawl I honestly am repulsed by him for the first time in 18 years he makes me feel sick.

theres no coming back from this I honestly have no idea what to even do next. Im heartbroken for my children they dont deserve this x

Thank you, its 4. for sure and ill find out somehow he isnt getting away with telling people it was 'only a lapdance'

I can totally understand how you are feeling right now, I had the same happen to me last September 2024, it took me until sep 25 to leave him as I have 3 young children. He lied at every opportunity. I saw messages saying he was outside the brothel and he still maintained he never went in.
You are going to go through a whirlwind of emotion’s, from ‘what’s wrong with me?’ to have I been living with someone I don’t know for all these years. 3 months after leaving my self esteem is only just recovering but it is so traumatic and I’m sorry your having to go through this.
My husband since flipped the script…he found a man asked me out….and I said no thanks….and he went nuts about it and is quite nasty with me. Saying I moved on quickly etc. You really see their true colours once they realise there is no going back. Turns out mine had been ‘messaging’ prostitutes for about a year on a secret burner phone.
Your husband deleting all messages shows a lot. If you click on deleted though or restore his I cloud to just after the event, they all come back! You can also find proof in settings under location services. I also caught mine out as messaged that looked like work ones eg ‘working today?, were actually to escorts. Just google the number. Oh and Google maps. Mine literally had brothels in his searches…he said he didn’t go, he just got off on entering the postcode 😂😂

@NewLemonHare 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I've heard it all now!

I could understand (just about), men "getting off" on looking at naughty websites - let's say the website profiles of escorts, or certain BDSM or "special" fetish websites where he might (might) just want to browse and not take part.

But "getting off" on looking up the Google maps postcodes of various brothels. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I know right! He said it made it feel ‘real’ 😂😂 He was literally round the corner from my work. When I got home he kicked off because I was 10 minutes late from a nail appointment. He is so up in arms about how he has been wronged with this man messaging me. Apparently me messaging someone when single is way worse than him shagging escorts behind my back. He also said he got off on the message saying what times they were open. Jerk! He really can’t understand why I have left him and thinks it’s not that bad.