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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Guy needing advice

49 replies

BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 16:37

Hello all, hope you had a good Christmas. Looking for some advice here or reassurance to help with my broken heart I guess.

I am M30, split with my partner of 13 years 6 months ago, have 2 children together and a home. Home got valued a few months ago, looking to sell in the new year etc etc...

My ex has started speaking to other people as had I. I met a girl who seemed amazing to begin with, she was kind, nice, would do random stuff like buy me things despite me telling her not to etc etc... after a month of speaking I started seeing a different side to her, she would argue with me over nothing, and I mean nothing. Would call me names, block me, unblock me, lie about random things etc... it made me a little uneasy and my response to arguments is to ignore and try talking it out later. When I would tell her 'look i dont want to argue with you, ill talk later when you've calmed down' she would pepper me with abusive messages calling me a narcissist and all sorts tbh... in November my previous family setup had tickets to a pre-paid bonfire display. I told the new girl im speaking with that i was going and my brother is there and my kids etc but also my ex but rest assured I am there for the kids and it was already booked, she didnt seem bothered by it. Anyway after I had been, the next petty argument she used that against me heavily. Saying stuff like 'I was having a play date and playing happy families why she wouldnt dream of being in the same room as her ex'. I felt awful by this and reassured her whilst we were still fresh out of relationships and christmas was fast approaching that it was understandable that we would at some points be in the vicinity if our exes for the sake of our kids and that was fine with me and it should be with her as we need to trust eachother. Anyway, she didnt see it from my point of view so I crumbled to her abuse and committed I wouldnt do anything going forward then that invovled my ex, including christmas. We argued a lot since then, most of the time when I didnt want to or didnt understand why she would be so angry with me for stupid things like not replying to a text within ten mins. Anyway, fast forward to christmas I bought her and her son some gifts (she didnt for me but I dont really care for gifts). Anyway I turned up at hers to drop them off and recognised the car of her ex outside. Just to make sure I peeked through the window before knocking on just incase. I saw her, her ex and Son cuddled up essentially on the sofa watching a christmas movie. I was pretty angry with this. I would have not give a damn if her ex came to see their son on christmas eve etc but cuddled on the sofa watching a family film after making me feel like nothing for going to a bonfire event that was prebooked, I was not happy. I text her and said, 'just popped to drop some stuff off but looks like its best i come back at a different time'. She acted like she didnt know what i was talking about so I told her what i saw, she gaslit me. Blew me up. Told me im losing my mind, would say 'GOD FORBID MY SON WANTED TO SEE HIS DAD AT CHRISTMAS'. I explained it was nothing to do with that at all it was the cuddled on the sofa watching a movie that did it for me. I explained how she made me feel about that bonfire event and how I apologised, understood and committed to not being in a situation like that again. Whilst she was gaslighting me I simply said 'I dont want to argue, when you understand it from my point of view and want to talk about it like I have for you, then I will entertain this conversation but im no longer being made to feel like the way you make me feel'. Anyway, I stuck to my end of the bargain, didnt see my ex over christmas, only the kids for a little while, and spent it alone. She didn't text me once. Today she has posted a story on Instagram essentially of her steering wheel on the way to a lake retreat with the caption 'calm after the storm'. She still hasnt spoken to me. My mind is going crazy. A lot of me knows to simply let her go and forget about her. But I did start to love her and that hurts. She would tell me she would never recover if we stopped progressing things, she loves me more than she has loved any previous partner, and would put her reaction to things down to being an 'emotional and caring person'. Maybe im being cynical but if I had a crystal ball, I would guarantee she is on the way to the lake retreat with either her ex or another guy. Whilst i have been sat here, true to my word, miserable, doing nothing.

Guys (or ladies) what should I do?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

OP posts:
Geeseinarowhonk · 27/12/2025 16:43

You are six months out of a long-term relationship and seem to be tangled in an absolute shit show.

If you were a friend of mine, I'd tell you to protect your peace by blocking this woman, it all sounds so dysfunctional and erratic. Focus on selling the home with your ex-partner, get to grips with co-parenting and enjoy having some alone time and time with your kids.

Iamdefinitelynamechangingforthis · 27/12/2025 16:43

🚩 🚩Sorry sweetie but you need to leave her. You need to have an adult relationship with your ex, as there are children involved and it does nobody any good for it to get nasty - which means anyone you have a relationship with will need to accept this. And it doesn’t sound likely this woman will facilitate this.

You can’t be walking on eggshells all the time either. Walk away now. Spend some time alone, maybe, getting settled into your new life.

But definitely get her out of your life. Sooner rather than later.

Original poster
BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 16:46

Geeseinarowhonk · 27/12/2025 16:43

You are six months out of a long-term relationship and seem to be tangled in an absolute shit show.

If you were a friend of mine, I'd tell you to protect your peace by blocking this woman, it all sounds so dysfunctional and erratic. Focus on selling the home with your ex-partner, get to grips with co-parenting and enjoy having some alone time and time with your kids.

Happy to be a friend of yours anytime, friends are few! But thank you for your words I appreciate you

OP posts:
ThatFairy · 27/12/2025 16:47

I suppose she was just hypocritical and maybe also seeing her ex like that as a way of getting you back. Apart from all that, your communication style as you said to ignore arguments isn't very healthy and creates an unfair dynamic

Original poster
BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 16:47

Iamdefinitelynamechangingforthis · 27/12/2025 16:43

🚩 🚩Sorry sweetie but you need to leave her. You need to have an adult relationship with your ex, as there are children involved and it does nobody any good for it to get nasty - which means anyone you have a relationship with will need to accept this. And it doesn’t sound likely this woman will facilitate this.

You can’t be walking on eggshells all the time either. Walk away now. Spend some time alone, maybe, getting settled into your new life.

But definitely get her out of your life. Sooner rather than later.

😩 you brought a tear to me eye probably the 'sweetie' did it! Thank you so much, I appreciate you

OP posts:
CharlieUniformNovemberTango2023 · 27/12/2025 16:47

Take it on the chin as a lesson learned and move on. She has abused you for months and is very toxic. You are better off without her.

Applepe · 27/12/2025 16:48

The whole ‘relationship’, if you can call it that, sounds like a complete shitshow, tbh. Cut your losses now and block her. No more contact. It’s over. You’ve already allowed her to control aspects of your life while she swans around doing what she wants. You’ve only been out of your marriage for six months, so I very kindly suggest taking some time to be single, focus on your children and yourself.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/12/2025 16:48

You need to not be in a romantic relationship right now, especially with someone so dysfunctional.
Perhaps look into getting some therapy to understand why you've rushed into this.

Original poster
BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 16:49

ThatFairy · 27/12/2025 16:47

I suppose she was just hypocritical and maybe also seeing her ex like that as a way of getting you back. Apart from all that, your communication style as you said to ignore arguments isn't very healthy and creates an unfair dynamic

Yeah but I mean going to watch fireworks that had been booked so early on and using it against me after acting like it wouldnt be an issue, vs after this later on into our time together being secretly cuddled up on the sofa watching a family film with no communication 🤷.

And yeah no response to being argued at is good, I find trying to talk it out, and I get nowhere ignoring for a short amount of time and then sorting it out

OP posts:
Original poster
BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 16:50

CharlieUniformNovemberTango2023 · 27/12/2025 16:47

Take it on the chin as a lesson learned and move on. She has abused you for months and is very toxic. You are better off without her.

Thank you for your words

OP posts:
Original poster
BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 16:50

TomatoSandwiches · 27/12/2025 16:48

You need to not be in a romantic relationship right now, especially with someone so dysfunctional.
Perhaps look into getting some therapy to understand why you've rushed into this.

Yeah my head is all over right now, thank you

OP posts:
Cando6 · 27/12/2025 16:51

You obviously don’t have much experience with relationships after being with your ex for so long. Which is why you’re so invested in this one which is clearly not right.
She doesn’t sound mature enough for a complex co-parenting/step parent type set up and you don’t sound strong enough to deal with her. Just bin this one and concentrate on your children.

Original poster
BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 16:51

Applepe · 27/12/2025 16:48

The whole ‘relationship’, if you can call it that, sounds like a complete shitshow, tbh. Cut your losses now and block her. No more contact. It’s over. You’ve already allowed her to control aspects of your life while she swans around doing what she wants. You’ve only been out of your marriage for six months, so I very kindly suggest taking some time to be single, focus on your children and yourself.

Thank you for your words, we never got married but I understand what you mean

OP posts:
Original poster
BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 16:52

Cando6 · 27/12/2025 16:51

You obviously don’t have much experience with relationships after being with your ex for so long. Which is why you’re so invested in this one which is clearly not right.
She doesn’t sound mature enough for a complex co-parenting/step parent type set up and you don’t sound strong enough to deal with her. Just bin this one and concentrate on your children.

Thank you for your words ❤️

OP posts:
Quackquackquackery · 27/12/2025 16:54

Look at it this way- within a mere few months you have put your GF before your own children. That's not ok. I think you need to reflect and move on. Plus this sounds like a rebound from hell.

Original poster
BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 16:54

Quackquackquackery · 27/12/2025 16:54

Look at it this way- within a mere few months you have put your GF before your own children. That's not ok. I think you need to reflect and move on. Plus this sounds like a rebound from hell.

Understood, thank you

OP posts:
Tigercrane · 27/12/2025 16:58

First poster nailed it, as usual.This won't get better.You are so young you have time, don't rush things.Is there no chance to rekindle things with your ex?Seems a shame as you have children, and were together so very long.

Original poster
BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 16:59

Tigercrane · 27/12/2025 16:58

First poster nailed it, as usual.This won't get better.You are so young you have time, don't rush things.Is there no chance to rekindle things with your ex?Seems a shame as you have children, and were together so very long.

There is a chance yes 😩

OP posts:
Luckyingame · 27/12/2025 17:09

Be single for a while, so you don't mess up for yourself, would be my advice.
It's actually pretty good! ☺️

Original poster
BrowsingGuy · 27/12/2025 17:11

Luckyingame · 27/12/2025 17:09

Be single for a while, so you don't mess up for yourself, would be my advice.
It's actually pretty good! ☺️

You reckon?😆

OP posts:
TessSaysYes · 27/12/2025 17:16

Hi. Sorry just read half. And that's enough...just leave her and find someone who makes you happy, and who is delighted to be with you...the short answer is all you need.

GloriaMonday · 27/12/2025 17:19

Block her on everything. Your focus should be on your children.
A new partner should accept that you have children and that you and the children's mother need to co-operate.

I only read half too. The girlfriend is not the right person for you. She sounds dangerous.

strange25 · 27/12/2025 17:23

She sounds vile (sorry) Your story is similar to mine in terms of kids and your age and how long you’ve been together, in fact are you my ex 😂However I’m 11 months in and I’ve not even thought about another relationship because the reality is, my ex and I still clearly have a lot of love for each other. I’d never ever expect a new partner who has kids to not see them properly over Christmas because of jealousy of the ex. How did your kids mum feel about it? What made you split up?

work on yourself first.. be alone and see where that takes you ☺️

sallymonella · 27/12/2025 17:34

You need to run from this woman, she's not good for you. I'm shocked you agreed to not see much of your kids over Christmas for her tbh.

ForTipsyFinch · 27/12/2025 17:36

Any particular reason why you would waste time with someone who is clearly insane? There’s plenty of women out there no need to pick one like this.