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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Beckham family rift — does anyone else see parallels with their own family dynamics?

100 replies

trufflesandolives · 26/12/2025 23:27

I don’t usually care at all about celebrities’ personal lives, but the ongoing reports about the Beckham family rift have struck a nerve for me, because I see parallels with my own family situation and I’d genuinely like to hear others’ perspectives.

From the outside, the situation involving David Beckham, Victoria Beckham, their son Brooklyn Beckham and his wife Nicola Peltz feels less like a simple “toxic parents vs grown-up child setting boundaries” story, and more complex than that.

In my personal opinion (happy to be challenged), it appears that Brooklyn’s wife wants a very high level of control over him and that her family’s wealth and status may be contributing to an enmeshment into the Peltz family — effectively pulling him away from his own family rather than helping him form a balanced, independent adult life with space for both sides.

This resonates painfully with my own experience, where a partner entering the picture didn’t just create distance but seemed to actively consolidate loyalty and control, often under the guise of “healthy boundaries” or “protecting the couple.”

I’m not suggesting anyone here actually knows what’s going on behind closed doors — we obviously don’t. But I’m curious how others read this dynamic:
• Do you see this as a fairly typical family rupture once children grow up and marry?
• Or does it look more like enmeshment and isolation from the original family?
• How do you tell the difference between a partner helping someone individuate versus quietly taking over their emotional world?

I’d really value thoughtful perspectives, especially from those who’ve lived through something similar on either side.

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 28/12/2025 17:50

Serpentstooth · 27/12/2025 14:22

He's exchanged one super-controlling woman for another. VB ties her apron strings too tight.

Yet someone above accused her of emotional and physical neglect.

What can't people get it that he's a rich kid who thinks he deserves even more than he gets? I'm laughing at someone saying that he could have made it as a footballer - do they really think that DB wouldn't have been all over that?

People love to criticise VB in particular for being cold yet there's been no such evidence at all. She's always appeared to be very loving towards her children, as has DB.

BB has always been a knob - why is that his parents' fault?

QueenofDestruction · 28/12/2025 19:16

Wasn't there all the wedding drama where the singer st the wedding said VB was the most beautiful woman in the room and called her and her son for the first dance. I f that us true and I was the bride it would be the end of the marriage or acceptance of my refusal to ever associate with MIL again.

Cat1504 · 28/12/2025 19:21

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 27/12/2025 10:46

Slightly, though Dd hasn’t cut us off (yet).

she has a boyfriend who isn’t English and lives abroad. Has a large and very well off family. They seem a lot more exciting than us I guess. She spends all her holidays over there and there is talk of emigrating and marriage. When she’s over there like she is currently most of my messages to her are left on a grey tick, so she doesn’t even read them. She blocked me from her instagram and when I asked why she said “boundaries”. She will message if she needs or wants something but apart from that we barely hear from her.

We’ve always been kind, loving, supportive, there’s been no argument. I don’t guilt trip her about going abroad, I treat her like the adult she is. I’m not negative about stuff. Even the Instagram thing I just laughed it off. We had a good relationship with her when she was younger, no dramas, did plenty of stuff together.

She was always sad about being an only child and wanted a big family. She doesn’t even have cousins. So I think she’s found it elsewhere now and we’re just a bit boring in comparison.

🥲

SorryNotSorry00 · 10/01/2026 07:13

Titillateanocelot · 27/12/2025 00:58

Absolutely! I could have written your exact post. Without going into too much details. Male relative very close to his family his whole life. Met a girl. Now has cut contact completely with everyone except her. Completely changed his personality even down to the food he eats, his lifestyle, interests to suit her etc. Blocked us on social media etc, doesn't attend any family events. No reason given. She's very controlling and jealous and now has him all to herself. He doesn't even have friends anymore that aren't her friends.

God this sounds just like my family. A man did the same thing, didn’t even try to get in contact when his mother was in a very serious condition health wise after being advised to do so. Life revolves around being a skivvy and piggy bank for the wife’s entire family overseas and bringing them to Europe to live. Of course I blame him, because no one can stop a person from seeing their own mum if they really want to. But it’s so sad to see.

SapphireBeau · 10/01/2026 07:33

Titillateanocelot · 27/12/2025 00:58

Absolutely! I could have written your exact post. Without going into too much details. Male relative very close to his family his whole life. Met a girl. Now has cut contact completely with everyone except her. Completely changed his personality even down to the food he eats, his lifestyle, interests to suit her etc. Blocked us on social media etc, doesn't attend any family events. No reason given. She's very controlling and jealous and now has him all to herself. He doesn't even have friends anymore that aren't her friends.

This is exactly what my brother did when he met his ex wife in 2016. Shes a true narcissist and it showed early on. Weve always been close. The red flags were there and he even asked my advice on some things in the early days and didn't listen when i said she sounds possessive and controlling. He then moved in with her. Married her.
He cut us off, we didn't see their kids, he changed to being vegetarian for her, lost all his close friends over here (he moved 40 miles away) sacked everyone off including us
Sent us awful messages that were obviously written by her over silly things, one was even about coming over to see us and that my "life is in Sheffield now" . It caused my mum and i such heartache and he also cut his other older son off from previous relationship.
He was totally and utterly controlled . Everything came to a head exactly 2 years ago when she cheated on him and exposed who she really was and the level of controlling abuse he had been living with. She was vile during the discard phase and kicked him out of his own mortgaged home by being so abusive he was homeless until we got him sorted out . More came out what he had had to put up with with her. He's was a shell of a man he was. It was so stressful. We went to a solicitors and got him sorted. The ex wife has moved on to her next victim and is already engaged and still gives him abuse controlling him to do with the kids.

As a mum to 3 grown up boys it worries me there is women (and men of course) like this out there its sickening. Fast forward to now he met and is with a wonderful amazing woman who I love to bits and I have my brother back.

Raisondeetre · 10/01/2026 07:35

Jimpson · 27/12/2025 11:07

Had this dynamic growing up. My mother did not particularly like or want to visit her in-laws and I think my dad complied for an easy life, he couldn’t be bothered standing his ground and visiting his own family. They were quite a placid lot and hadn’t done anything wrong as far as I could see. We reconnected with grandparents (dad’s side) when we were adults but did not have a close relationship at all, just a couple of yearly hour long visits.

How sad.

Makingadecision · 10/01/2026 07:44

I’ve brought my children up in the same way yet one has virtually cut us off since meeting his partner. They spend all their free time with her family (he once told me her family are very volatile and always arguing so he doesn’t enjoy Christmas with them but goes because it’s what she wants). She answers his texts, and criticises all his friends so he has none left to see.
I see a lot of parallels

bruffin · 10/01/2026 07:53

Lovenliving · 27/12/2025 11:44

Pretty sure they used grandparents more than nannies.

The gp are local to us and i think VB sister was very close by as well .the beckhams took the kids themsrelves to activities locally**

TheaBrandt1 · 10/01/2026 08:01

Mush less painful to blame the DIL for your lack of relationship with your son. DH is so different to his parents they were drifting before he met me.

Both my sisters have brilliant MILs who they are genuinely close to and like. In the baby/ small child phase they would stay / visit with in laws without their dhs because in laws were helpful and good company. I get in law envy!

justasmallbiz · 10/01/2026 08:07

I can imagine my MIL saying that her son is like B and I am the NP. He cut contact with them but we see my family, I am extremely close with mum.

What they’d be missing is the fact they treated their son shit, refused to discuss the trauma he carried from his upbringing because it was “privileged” and so he had enough.

I bet the beckhams are shit parents.

2026newyearunlocked · 10/01/2026 08:07

waterrat · 27/12/2025 14:11

It's an odd situation - I agree with the comments that say Brooklyn would not be in a 'toxic ' relationship (if he is) - without some groundwork for that being laid in his own family upbringing. That's sad but a reality.

Look at what is known about the family - the father david cheated repeatedly, multiple humilations of the mother - brooklyn as the oldest would have been most aware of this and probably found it most painful.

We have no idea how that would impact him - or the intrustive nature of the press which he may have hated and is clear in the Beckham documentary was v stressful for him as a young child.

Usually I would assume the person doing the NC in this situation does so for good reason but Nicole does seem power hungry/obsessed with her social perception etc (ie. having the wedding done again??) so Im not sure here that is necessarily clear cut.

however - I have another theory!! that DB has been pervy/ flirted with Nicole (we know he is a womaniser and cheat) - and VB refused to believe it....and that is why NC so brutal.

I have been wondering about DB flirting with NP too. I think in his older age DB is like one of those lecherous bus drivers who try it on / want to feel they are able to shag you if they can and NP would be his type, i would assume. That would be a solid reason to go no contact.

rainandshine38 · 10/01/2026 08:14

I’m sure my husband’s family might say the same about me controlling my DH and pulling him away from their close family unit. In truth he never felt part of the controlling and toxic family unit. He said he always felt more affinity with my brothers, he found them controlling and interfering, always trying to find out about his health when he didn’t want them to know, commenting on his jobs and actually trying to belittle him when he wanted a university education. Of course his sisters now blame me for his lack of communication. There’s two sides to every story. Let’s not feel too sorry for the beckhams here.

Sillyme1 · 10/01/2026 08:22

I can’t comment on the beckhams, though I feel desperately sad for them. My own DD it us out when she had her first child which shattered our world. We have never got over it. I was not a perfect mother, who is? But my daughter and I got on well I thought, before all this. Her husband is and has always been very controlling, bordering on the Autistic spectrum. In the meantime two little grandsons have never seen their grandparents and we have never seen them. It has been the cruelest thing that has ever been done to us. Btw we get on really well with our son, so must have done something right. My own mother was far from perfect, but I would never have cut her off in this cruel way.

Rubyupbeat · 10/01/2026 08:26

I have always seen it as a weak male under the control of a spoilt, selfish female, who wants him to herself and so that includes cutting his family completely off. He is worse than her for not putting his foot down.
I've seen this so many times.

Raisondeetre · 10/01/2026 08:30

I’ve seen it in a friends family and also my husbands family. Man marries woman who doesn’t like his family, is insecure and controlling. Isolates partner from family and friends, wants to be his entire world. Man ends up with nothing and no one in his life but her and she controls everything.

One of my own children has cut the entire family off . Not due to a partner, but a bad therapist. It’s absolutely heart rending.

rainandshine38 · 10/01/2026 08:39

Of course it’s always the younger women in these family situations that gets the blame. Think it’s more to do with envy and jealousy tbh. Women hate on other women especially if they are younger and more beautiful.

Arran2024 · 10/01/2026 20:22

He may have some genuine beef with his parents, but to break off all contact is still pretty OTT imo. We have a family member who has done it. Sadly he has always been angry and bitter - even as a child. He just seems to enjoy upsetting people. Sometimes it really is just young people behaving selfishly or not prepared to compromise.

Raisondeetre · 10/01/2026 20:25

Arran2024 · 10/01/2026 20:22

He may have some genuine beef with his parents, but to break off all contact is still pretty OTT imo. We have a family member who has done it. Sadly he has always been angry and bitter - even as a child. He just seems to enjoy upsetting people. Sometimes it really is just young people behaving selfishly or not prepared to compromise.

Agree

trufflesandolives · 20/01/2026 07:31

Any thoughts now that Brooklyn has just shared his statement?!

OP posts:
TheIrritatingGentleman · 22/01/2026 18:10

Sequinsoneverythingplease · 27/12/2025 14:23

I see myself in the young wife. I was a horrible, insecure brat who didn’t want to do anything I didn’t want to do and that included sitting around being polite to my boring in laws. I was threatened by DH’s female friends, I took perfectly reasonable concerns about the speed our relationship was progressing, as vicious unwarranted criticism & encouraged ex DH to as well, I was in short a selfish arsehole. However, I was only 19 and from a toxic family background. I grew up and grew out of it, I couldn’t be further from that now. I so often read threads on here where the DIL is getting loads of sympathy and I can clearly see the dynamic and that she is not the innocent. That’s what I see here. A spoilt young woman who has always been the centre of every situation she was in but on joining the hugely famous and successful Beckham family, no longer was. She’d rather destroy the entire relationship between her husband and his family than not be the constant focus.

I am sure that will not be a popular take but some young, new DIL are controlling, toxic, spoilt & immature and if you want to keep your son in your life and see any grand children you’d getter bite your tongue until she grows up or the relationship breaks down.

That said it must be pretty intimidating to have Posh as a MIL!

That's a lot of assumptions to make about his wife is it not? All everyone sees is whats in the media, unless you know them personally you can't say she's a horrible brat - just that you were.

I did everything to be accepted by my ex-ILs. It all finally came to a head when MIL got drunk at a party and let her real feelings show.

I was the only one who wanted to fix the relationship, not her. She continued to try and stick to her guns about the made up things in her head. She only changed her tune when her son refused to speak to her until she apologised. She did not in fact apologies, but I agreed to 'agree to disagree' and move past it. This was despite having actual evidence that she was lying, but I just didn't like all the bad feeling and didn't want the family to fall out.

Now I'm no longer in my 20s I'd just cut the toxic woman out. I think it's terrrible how many people are automatically blaming Brookylyn when I know how toxic parents can put on a show in public (my personal experience and probably why I tried so hard to be close to ILs), and then blaming his wife as if adult men can never think for themselves.

As for the nepo baby thing people keep going on about...I don;t think he asked for that upbringing? He was named after where he was conceived for goodness sake and that info was shared to the world. With how much his parents have put him in the press since birth, he wouldn't be able to pop down to the local Tesco for a job would he?

Realclassjan · 26/01/2026 11:20

@TheIrritatingGentleman - your situation with your MIL sound quite like my own. I haven't spoken to my MIL in over a decade and nothing, not even DH going through a period of no contact with her on the back of how dreadfully she behaved, made her apologise or attempt to rebuild a relationship with me. He has very limited contact with her now, and she and my FIL barely know their lovely grandchildren. They were so foolish.

I do find @Sequinsoneverythingplease point interesting though. I will admit now that, while my in-laws' behaviour was beyond awful, at the time I did little to attempt to try to calm things down on my side. I had very young kids at the time, and an extremely challenging/sad situation within my own family going on, and I was pretty quick to say 'fuck you' to in-laws as I just couldn't tolerate all their stupid drama. Ultimately I have no regrets about that, but being older/wiser I do smile and wave in more situations now.

That said, it's not like they had an iota of maturity either, so...

Itsmetheflamingo · 26/01/2026 11:41

I can relate to @Sequinsoneverythingplease post.

I didn’t have a toxic background but was very confused at how and why I would “integrate”
into a new family way of doing things. I wanted to do what I wanted and took the (quite understandable) view that if my H didn’t like it, we weren’t right for each other

my mil likes to be the main character related badly to this lack of care and we never reset our relationship as adult to adult. And saw H and me as children who could be controlled. Blame on both sides, but a perfectly average cinder block

TorroFerney · 26/01/2026 12:10

Lovenliving · 27/12/2025 11:35

I cant imagine settling down with someone those closest to me really didnt like either. But i suppose I know it wouldnt just be jealousy. They would have their reasons and I cant imagine falling in love with someone who didnt gel with my family at all. It just naturally wouldnt progress to that point.

But for some people the reasons are that they want control over their children and this new partner is going to spoil it, often by just a very reasonable “your mum and dad are batshit aren’t they” or by offering a taste of a normal family.

Connemaraa · 26/01/2026 13:22

I see it as quite a big intergenerational system all kicking off against each other subconsciously and consciously like a pin ball machine.

DB absolute chronic slag from day one. Entitled and arrogant repeatedly shattered VB emotional core and self esteem due to her needs/wants of a loyal husband and stable family. She has tried to internalise / deny / shoulder all of this and cover it all up with her pro-active fake fantasy wholesome family image so that DB can earn them cash via non consensual ransacking, contriving and curating of her own childrens childhoods and privacy on the world stage. BB being the oldest child would have deeply absorbed her constant distress and manic denial activity - also her significant MH / ED issues and the decades of her failing business. She was the least talented of the SG during and after and probs set up the fake image of herself having won the best marriage / family / children / motherhood award of the SGs.

DB was NC with his own father for over a decade and who arguably sacrificed much more for DB than DB has for BB - so no surprises to see this repeated.

On the otherside you have a massive narc ball breaker in Nelson - on his 3rd marriage, 10 kids. Dodgy business dealings in partnership with Epstein and Weinstein. His unhealthy narc relationship with Nicola has gives me Robert Maxwell / Gishlaine vibes. Talentless actress who’s Daddy’s billions can’t even buy the clicks to nudge her career on - so she targets the Beckhams SM reach. She has a shocking reputation from many different people who have each separately interacted with her over the years as mean, volatile, manipulative and hostile.

BB likely spent his childhood absorbing, soothing, advocating for VBs distress - and seems to be doing exactly the same for his emotionally unstable wife - but interesting that the two females are pitted against each other in this proxy battle when it’s the unconscionable behaviours of the two men DB and NP who set the toxic tone and dysfunction in the family. I have some sympathy for VB and BB - but none for DB, Nelson and Nicola. All very messy.

Skybunnee · 26/01/2026 18:05

Oh,well.
Thats one view.

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