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Original poster

Allowing my ex the car seat for our daughter.

40 replies

ridingsolo25 · 22/12/2025 08:56

I know this sounds petty but I’m just asking a question.

so my ex every now and then when he has our daughter wants the car seat, he doesn’t drive and he brought it when we was together when I was pregnant with her, he ask for it as he goes out with his grand parents for dinner with her. Now yesterday as per usual he caused an argument 1 because I couldn’t get her early as I was busy (was his weekend) and 2 because I wouldn’t help him with her stuff, he lives in a block of flats that have iron stairs and it was raining yesterday and they get really slippery, I feel they are dangerous. He said to me in spite I will just take her car seat and her pram back as I brought it, he does this when he doesn’t get his own way starts threatening things, I said you can do that but I wont be able to take her home as I need the car seat. To which he quickly put it in the car. Now because of what a prick he is do I actually have to allow him the car seat when he needs it or shall I just get him to buy his own, or shall I give him it and just buy my own?He doesn’t drive and it’s me doing him favours and I’m sick of him always threatening to take her stuff back because he is having a tantrum about me not jumping to his demands.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 22/12/2025 08:59

What do you mean about not helping him with her on the stairs? Did he want you to help bring some of her things down whilst he brought her down?
Also, to save him having a hold over you, I’d give him ‘his’ car seat and buy yourself another. Remove any point of contention.

Original poster
ridingsolo25 · 22/12/2025 09:01

Yeah but he always brings stuff down, never has had a problem doing it before, I thought it was a way of getting me in his home and I was wary if honest as he’s been saying things that are inappropriate too.

OP posts:
CountFucula · 22/12/2025 09:04

Buy your own car seat. You can’t risk her not having one because of his behaviour. He sounds petty and manipulative.
But make sure you don’t become as petty as him… you sure you couldn’t help him with her stuff?

Endofyear · 22/12/2025 09:34

Give him the carseat and buy your own. Don't get drawn into petty point scoring with him, your daughter's safety is paramount.

Periperi2025 · 22/12/2025 09:41

You both sound as bad as each other. Remember this man is going to be a feature of your life for the next 18 years (you don't say exactly how old you DD is).

middleeasternpromise · 22/12/2025 09:49

One way to respond to this is to focus on your child, the car seat is hers. That - discussions should be about where she needs her car seat to be. If you keep getting drawn into I paid for it so it stays with me, I will buy my own one then so you can't use this argument - your child will end up with two sets of everything and a working model of learning never to share.

Original poster
ridingsolo25 · 22/12/2025 10:22

middleeasternpromise · 22/12/2025 09:49

One way to respond to this is to focus on your child, the car seat is hers. That - discussions should be about where she needs her car seat to be. If you keep getting drawn into I paid for it so it stays with me, I will buy my own one then so you can't use this argument - your child will end up with two sets of everything and a working model of learning never to share.

Try telling him that. He has done this before threatened to keep her pram and car seat as he brought them. I went and got another pram but he told me to send it back he wouldn’t actually take it but then threatens it again. It’s just draining.

OP posts:
Original poster
ridingsolo25 · 22/12/2025 10:23

Periperi2025 · 22/12/2025 09:41

You both sound as bad as each other. Remember this man is going to be a feature of your life for the next 18 years (you don't say exactly how old you DD is).

No there is ALOT I can write about the last two years but I won’t go into it. He’s a typical man child who throws his toys out when he don’t get his own way.

OP posts:
Original poster
ridingsolo25 · 22/12/2025 10:23

Endofyear · 22/12/2025 09:34

Give him the carseat and buy your own. Don't get drawn into petty point scoring with him, your daughter's safety is paramount.

Think I’m going to have too. Can’t be bothered to be threatened by this crap again.

OP posts:
rwalker · 22/12/2025 10:27

Isn’t she getting ready to for a different car seat now anyway

BeepBoopBop · 22/12/2025 10:28

Buy one - then you need never have this conversation again with the idiot.

TaraC25 · 22/12/2025 10:36

ridingsolo25 · 22/12/2025 10:22

Try telling him that. He has done this before threatened to keep her pram and car seat as he brought them. I went and got another pram but he told me to send it back he wouldn’t actually take it but then threatens it again. It’s just draining.

Show quote history

This is a form of coercive control and constitutes emotional abuse.
I am glad he's your ex, but it's important you are aware of what this is and how he's still trying to control you.

And you are correct to not want to go into his property if he is trying to cross boundaries and saying/messaging inappropriate things.

It is really difficult to break this cycle. If need be see a therapist and look on women's aid/refuge/the freedom programme for advice x

coleslaws · 22/12/2025 10:37

Did he buy the car seat? You said he “brought it” a couple of times. Do you mean “bought”?
you need to buy a second car seat as sharing isn’t sustainable

Original poster
ridingsolo25 · 22/12/2025 10:38

rwalker · 22/12/2025 10:27

Isn’t she getting ready to for a different car seat now anyway

She’s three in April. It converts if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
ridingsolo25 · 22/12/2025 10:38

coleslaws · 22/12/2025 10:37

Did he buy the car seat? You said he “brought it” a couple of times. Do you mean “bought”?
you need to buy a second car seat as sharing isn’t sustainable

Yes you know what I mean.

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · 22/12/2025 10:41

Buy your own car seat and if I could I’d move away and not tell him where I was going, he sounds awful.

MILLYmo0se · 22/12/2025 10:45

Get your own car seat, use the current one to take her next time and give it to him as usual then turn up to collect with your own. Really he should be working out how to collect his child but I understand how in many ways it's easier to just facilitate it yourself
Make sure you keep ALL the messages in case you need them in the future though!

Original poster
ridingsolo25 · 22/12/2025 10:47

Copperoliverbear · 22/12/2025 10:41

Buy your own car seat and if I could I’d move away and not tell him where I was going, he sounds awful.

Honestly I’d love to move away from him. It brings me down how he is, honestly what I could write on here about the last couple of years you would all be shocked. I usually just grey rock him. He always does the guilt tripping too.

OP posts:
letmebetheone · 22/12/2025 12:19

One of you needs to grow up. So does the other.

Periperi2025 · 22/12/2025 13:17

ridingsolo25 · 22/12/2025 10:23

No there is ALOT I can write about the last two years but I won’t go into it. He’s a typical man child who throws his toys out when he don’t get his own way.

Show quote history

And...
You chose to have a child with him, he IS going to be a feature in your life for the next 15 years and in your DDs life for much much longer. Stop making things difficult, take the moral high ground, set a positive example to your DD.

DPotter · 22/12/2025 13:26

OP - I understand is stressful dealing with someone like your ex. So you have to remove possible triggers for me to manipulate you and ignore those that you can't. If you can afford it buy a second car seat and buggy and leave the older ones with him. He'll complain but it's one less thing he can stress you over.

Do you have a court order in place ? It might be worth chatting with a solicitor about one. You're on the cusp of taking some important decision regarding your DD's education and it would be a good idea to have as many hatches battened down as you can

Original poster
ridingsolo25 · 23/12/2025 09:25

letmebetheone · 22/12/2025 12:19

One of you needs to grow up. So does the other.

Grow up? 😂 ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
ridingsolo25 · 23/12/2025 09:26

Periperi2025 · 22/12/2025 13:17

And...
You chose to have a child with him, he IS going to be a feature in your life for the next 15 years and in your DDs life for much much longer. Stop making things difficult, take the moral high ground, set a positive example to your DD.

Show quote history

Yes I did choose to have a child with him, as the morning after pill failed and I couldn’t go through with a termination which I went to had three times but just couldn’t do it. So unfortunately my own choices have put me here. But…. There is no need for all this bullshit constantly.

OP posts:
Original poster
ridingsolo25 · 23/12/2025 09:27

DPotter · 22/12/2025 13:26

OP - I understand is stressful dealing with someone like your ex. So you have to remove possible triggers for me to manipulate you and ignore those that you can't. If you can afford it buy a second car seat and buggy and leave the older ones with him. He'll complain but it's one less thing he can stress you over.

Do you have a court order in place ? It might be worth chatting with a solicitor about one. You're on the cusp of taking some important decision regarding your DD's education and it would be a good idea to have as many hatches battened down as you can

Waiting for the next court hearing as the last one got adjourned as he contested 4 things on it 🙄

OP posts:
TinselTitts · 23/12/2025 09:31

coleslaws · 22/12/2025 10:37

Did he buy the car seat? You said he “brought it” a couple of times. Do you mean “bought”?
you need to buy a second car seat as sharing isn’t sustainable

Why be an idiot?

You know EXACTLY what the OP means.

Unless you're too dim to read spelling errors in context?

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