BF complaining not spending enough time

[RubyGooselou]

Hi, I have been in a relationship just over 3 months after being single for 5 years. It all started off well and he’s been introduced to my teens 15 & 17. Problem is my 15yr has always struggled with it but got ok with my bf just didn’t like my time being away from home so I always feel the pressure of trying to keep the peace and balance everything. The other week my bf was at mine and dd had a major meltdown as was jealous ( she gets like this and struggling with her mh) but because of this bf said he won’t come to my house at the moment and says she’s being a brat. She also now saying she doesn’t like him as overheard how he spoke abruptly to me a few times when discussing my lack of time and says he’s disrespectful to me.

Last few weeks my bf saying I don’t spend enough quality time with him. He work 4 days away so when he’s off for 4 days wants to spend lots of time together. I’ll be honest we probably don’t but it’s hard for me to balance everything with my children, work etc. some weeks I have hardly see him but others we had over night stays or seen him most days for a couple of hours. But he still moans that it’s not enough and I’m not giving him quality time. Because of the breakdown with him and my dd it’s even harder as he won’t come to mine now. I feel stuck, and we continuously going round in circles discussing how I’m not doing enough. I now feel on edge telling him when I can’t see him or that I need to leave as know it will start off the same discussions. Im also dreading Xmas as now children want it be like our normal one with close family but I already know he’ll be annoyed if I don’t spend some time with him on Xmas day. Not sure what advise I’m after, just wondered how much time do others spend with bf in this situation thanks

Three month in? It's not working. Far too much aggro. It's a shame you've introduced him to your children so prematurely. Cut this one loose.

Why the actually hell are you even typing all this? Of course dump the whiney man-child.

In his days off where he demands your time, what do you do and what of it does he plan?

3 months and he is already a knobhead. Ffs.

You’ve only been seeing him three month. You’re already seeing him more than enough. He’s being jealous, possessive, and self centred, and already making you choose between him and your children.

Bin. Before Thursday.

I’m with everyone else. Three months in and he’s demanding, you’re on edge and your kids don’t like him. At 15 &17 your children need you to prioritise them and hold them close through these turbulent years, not a boyfriend . If he can’t accept that he’s not right for you or your family.

Bollocks to this!!! Dump him. It won’t get better.

What on earth have I just read? 3 months in and you’re prioritising a man over your kids? Your 15 year old has told you clearly he’s not treating you well and you’re still forcing him on her?
The relationship with your kids shouldn’t have broken down within 3 months, they shouldn’t have even met him! You have a teenage daughter FFS, this man is still a stranger!
Give your head a wobble and spend Christmas with your kids not him. LTB immediately.

You are a mum first and a partner/girlfriend second.
If he can't understand that, then he's going to lose the privilege of being in your life.
The choice is incredibly simple OP.
Your daughter has already noticed he's possessive and controlling. When will you?

He sounds really boring and needy, throw him back

Good grief - throw the needy twat back, prioritise your poor children and raise your standards. Don’t be one of those women where any man will do.

Why did you introduce him so soon?

Why on earth are you letting a man yiu barely know dictate how you spend.your time?

Why would you accept a man you barely know saying negative things about your dd?

There is no way you should have introduced him to your children by this stye, far less allow a man you barely know to dictate how you spend your time!

Dump his entitled ass, stay single for a while to work on your self-esteem and boundaries, and next time, don’t introduce anyone to your children for a year, until he’s proved he’s a decent human being.

@NewCushions said exactly what I thought. Also, he needs to be with someone who doesn’t have children and doesn’t want them. He is way too immature to be around any child.

does “quality time” mean sex? I’d bet it does. Horrible man

Yeah. Red flags all over the place. I'm a year in with my partner, haven't introduced him to my kids yet. He's completely understanding about the fact that they come first over Christmas 🎄

Bin.

I’m not sure why your kids have any contact with him at all after 3 months, but get rid of him today and have a lovely Christmas with your kids and family.

In the bin with him!

And if you get involved with a new person next year, slow it down!!!

Bin this abusive man off today and put your kids and you first. You owe him nothing. They should never have met him at all and this mess is already falling apart a mere 3 months in unsurprisingly.

Your boundaries are likely shot already and this individual is further damaging them. He’s taken advantage of you and sees you as convenient. He also hates your children, yet another red flag amongst many here.

Do enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme and do not enter into another relationship unti your boundaries and self esteem are not floor level
like they are currently. This man targeted you and deliberately so to abuse.

It’s not working, he called your DD a brat, your DD has noticed he’s speaking to you in a disrespectful way, you’re already walking on eggshells with him, just end it and have a nice Christmas with your kids.

I do understand that you probably want a partner now the DC are older and mainly independent. But this one isn't working.

You can either get rid entirely (my preference) or tell him exactly what level of relationship you are looking for eg one evening date and an afternoon out a week.

In a couple of years you'll have a lot more time for a full on relationship but right now decide what works and find the man to match.

This is ridiculous for 3 months in, goodbye boyfriend.

OP, do you understand that you dont need to keep dating someone? Its the first 3 months, you arent even a couple, you are just trying each other out and seeing if it works. A man should still be on his best behaviour in the first 3 months, not insulting your kids - can I ask, why do you think you didnt dump him after he insulted your daughter?

You introduced your kids way too fast.

3 months, come on.

Your awful bf called your daughter a brat because she didn't like him being in the house that should be her safe space. He's the immature brat, not her.

He's an asshole and thinks you should spend more time with him and less with your kids. At Xmas.

Get rid of him. He's still nearly a stranger, he should be on his best behaviour only 3 months in and he's trying to compete with and oust your minor children from the home and name calling them. You've made a poor choice of bf and if you keep him around, your kid is will be unhappy and your relationship with them will never be the same.

Sorry I got to two thirds through and thought "he's being really pushy for a 3 month dating history" You barely have a relationship with the man.

I'd be dropping him like a hot stone for at least 2 reasons -
he's being pushy & argumentative when he doesn't get his own way
he's being overtly judgemental about your kids.

He's a 3 month date guy - he does not get to demand time with you on Christmas day, and if your kids don't want him in their home - their word is final.
It's interesting that your DD thinks he has been disrespectful to you - I think she has got good instincts as from what you have told us, he is disrespectful.

Dump him today so you have a clear Christmas without worrying about him.