BF complaining not spending enough time

[RubyGooselou]

Hi, I have been in a relationship just over 3 months after being single for 5 years. It all started off well and he’s been introduced to my teens 15 & 17. Problem is my 15yr has always struggled with it but got ok with my bf just didn’t like my time being away from home so I always feel the pressure of trying to keep the peace and balance everything. The other week my bf was at mine and dd had a major meltdown as was jealous ( she gets like this and struggling with her mh) but because of this bf said he won’t come to my house at the moment and says she’s being a brat. She also now saying she doesn’t like him as overheard how he spoke abruptly to me a few times when discussing my lack of time and says he’s disrespectful to me.

Last few weeks my bf saying I don’t spend enough quality time with him. He work 4 days away so when he’s off for 4 days wants to spend lots of time together. I’ll be honest we probably don’t but it’s hard for me to balance everything with my children, work etc. some weeks I have hardly see him but others we had over night stays or seen him most days for a couple of hours. But he still moans that it’s not enough and I’m not giving him quality time. Because of the breakdown with him and my dd it’s even harder as he won’t come to mine now. I feel stuck, and we continuously going round in circles discussing how I’m not doing enough. I now feel on edge telling him when I can’t see him or that I need to leave as know it will start off the same discussions. Im also dreading Xmas as now children want it be like our normal one with close family but I already know he’ll be annoyed if I don’t spend some time with him on Xmas day. Not sure what advise I’m after, just wondered how much time do others spend with bf in this situation thanks

This is terrible. Your forced an unhappy teen with mh issues to endure this man in her home after only 3 months of being together. As kindly as possible- give your head a wobble and next time prioritise your dc

I wouldn't be with any man who called my 15yr old a brat.

It also sounds like you have rushed into this, 3 months is no time at all and already he's pulling you in a different direction from your DC.

I think you have every right to date & have a relationship, but take it much more slowly and heed any red flags along the way. Rushing things, demanding your time and "competing" with your DC/upsetting your DC are massive red flags.

100% this.

only 3 months and he’s being a dick already. It won’t improve!

Never understood these women who prioritise a dick over their own children

Three months is 12 weeks! And you’re already talking about how your DC ‘always’ had a problem with this guy, so how soon did they meet?? It’s way too soon for any of this shit - for bf to be moaning and speaking abruptly to you, for the friction between kids and partner. It’s barely beyond dating timescales and if it’s this bad now, there’s no future for it. Ditch him and next time keep the love life separate for longer and with someone who’s lifestyle and attitude is more fitting with your situation. He can’t have your attention for his 4 days off any more than you can have his for his 4 days away. You have a life and it doesn’t stop for him. Get rid before Xmas and start afresh with better parameters in 2026.

He is not your boyfriend
He is a bloke you’ve been dating for only 3 months

A bloke who is controlling, jealous and demanding. Who talks to you disrespectfully (if DD is right) and is driving a wedge between you and your daughter at a pivotal time in her life

You KNOW what you should do. Dump him. Question is, will you?

Gosh he’s hard work and pretty unrealistic as well. So he is away 4 days regularly for work and you have to jump to it just because he’s back. Solvevthe whole problem by dumping him before Thursday.

Your children come first.

Your dd is struggling with her mental health. Put her first. Bin this man child. Next time don’t go introducing your dc to a man you hardly know. Jeez it’s common sense surely

When I was in a new relationship I would see the bf once or twice a week, and that was without any kids. He's too needy and clingy.

wtaf have I just read. This is absolutely ridiculous. Thank goodness you were single for 5 years if this is what you role model to your daughters being in a relationship should be. How awful would a man have to be before you wouldn’t need to question dumping him? Because this guy is awful, and you’re questioning it.

He sounds like the real child here, spoiled and entitled. Get rid

It is also dangerous and really bad parenting to bring a strange man in to your home. Especially when the ages of your children means there’s absolutely no need for it, you could have met him elsewhere.

Also. (I’m aware I’m ranting but mothers who get on their knees first and put their kids second make me so cross). If a man who you barely know calls your dc a brat, especially given she’s spot on and seems to be more mature than you are, you respond ‘how fucking dare you, get out’

Why on earth did you introduce him so early? 3 months isn't enough time for you to know him - and as you've now discovered, he's a shitty person.

Your daughter clocked him right away and you’re still continuing a relationship with him.

come on hen time to put this one in the bin

Your dd may well be a brat, and lots of DC (particularly teenagers) can't stand the concept of a long time single parent not being single. But it's not your boyfriends place to get involved. He wants more time than you have to give, so you're just not compatible as a couple.

If you find your dd has issue with every future partner then either it's a DD problem or your standards are too low.

It's an easy one. He goes in the bin.
He insulted your daughter and speaks disrespectfully to you. He also moans all the time.
12 weeks in, it's clear this is a non starter.

Be honest - wouldn't your life be so much easier and happier without him banging on all the time?

Bin before Christmas - that is the best response here. You will feel crap about it initially, but a bit of distance and you will feel better. He is just adding stress to your life

Three months?! wtf are you thinking??

He's not your boyfriend, he is somebody who you have been dating for 3 months. You are not compatible, he needs to date someone without children. It isn't working, so just end it.

Your DD can see that he is speaking to you badly.

He is jealous of your DC. You can't magic up extra time without dumping your kids. He is a selfish prick and not right for you and your DC. End it now because it won't get any better.

and next time, keep the man away from your DC until you are sure it is going to work out, they don't need a procession of men in and out of their lives.