I can’t tell if I’m being over sensitive about husbands joke

sockfluffblowinginthewind · 2025-12-22T02:09:13+00:00

During Friday night Christmas drinks with my husbands side of the family my husband delivered his “joke/punchline” about me recently confiding to him some areas I unhappy about within our marriage. Ive been playing it over and over in my mind since. I feel really betrayed that he spurted out my private feelings in public like that and used it to get a laugh. I’m a really private person so I hated this and dealing with the oncoming questions after. I’ve not spoken to anyone else at all about how I have been feeling. I’ve not told my husband how I feel yet, I think because I really can’t work out if he did cross an obvious line or if I’m being over sensitive or too private? not totally sure what I’m asking, but would love some outside perspective.

DarkLion · 22/12/2025 02:12

No I’d be upset too op, feeling like my feelings are a joke for others amusement. I’d see it as a form of belittling, definitely not ok

carcioffi · 22/12/2025 02:36

He’s betrayed your trust, minimised your feelings and publicly ridiculed you so you won’t do it again which gives him total control of you.

Gingybread · 22/12/2025 02:37

Listen to Carcioffi

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 22/12/2025 02:43

carcioffi · 22/12/2025 02:36

He’s betrayed your trust, minimised your feelings and publicly ridiculed you so you won’t do it again which gives him total control of you.

I think you might have nailed it

Pettenell · 22/12/2025 02:52

carcioffi · 22/12/2025 02:36

He’s betrayed your trust, minimised your feelings and publicly ridiculed you so you won’t do it again which gives him total control of you.

Exactly!

You might like to read 'The Verbally Abusive Relationship' by Patricia Evans. This excellent book explains clearly the dynamics of control and abuse that your husband's behaviour demonstrates.

Also, 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft is excellent and will give you a lot of insight into controlling behaviour,

TenTenTenAgain · 22/12/2025 02:55

You have every right to be upset. It wasn't a joke , he did what he did to shut you up in the future.

I bet he'd be livid if you did the same to him.

ExamHellDoubled · 22/12/2025 02:57

He’s punishing you. Whatever you said got through but he’s not addressing it in a healthy way, he’s being petty instead and trying to divert his hurt feelings back at you.

He probably wouldn’t have done it in front of your family but around his, he feels as if he’s got a bit of back up

firstofallimadelight · 22/12/2025 07:26

He didn’t like the hat you said so he used it as a way to embarrass you, get a laugh (sympathy?) and ensure you are put in your place and unlikely to trust him with your feelings again. You should be upset, hurt and angry.

Eviebeans · 22/12/2025 07:30

carcioffi · 22/12/2025 02:36

He’s betrayed your trust, minimised your feelings and publicly ridiculed you so you won’t do it again which gives him total control of you.

Completely agree with this

Eviebeans · 22/12/2025 07:33

How did your husband react when you’d told him what you were unhappy about initially? Was he surprised, receptive to your comments?

How did his family react when he delivered his joke? Were they amused, embarrassed…

SparklyGlitterballs · 22/12/2025 07:37

So instead of taking your concerns seriously, he thinks it's ok to share them with his wider family and try to get others laughing at you? That is so hugely disrespectful and I'd feel betrayed too. If he was considerate he'd be having discussions with you, or seeking counselling to see if/how the relationship can be improved. It's none of his family's business quite frankly. I would be sharing with him how disappointed and embarrassed I was. If no apology was forthcoming, with a commitment to work through the issues, then I'd be considering whether the relationship could be salvaged (probably not if he's this emotionally immature).

pilates · 22/12/2025 07:41

What @carcioffi said

He is putting you in your place.

bigboykitty · 22/12/2025 07:45

I think his actions showed contempt. I'd be planning my exit.

oviraptor21 · 22/12/2025 07:48

If you'd put this in AIBU it would be 100% YANBU.
This is a man who wants to minimise your feelings and control you. He is not to be trusted.

Charlenedickens · 22/12/2025 07:48

Can you say what he said, it’s hard to comment when you say he made a joke, it could be it was something that was bothering him and on his mind and he blurted out an ill timed one liner, or he sat laughing about your feelings.

susiedaisy1912 · 22/12/2025 07:50

carcioffi · 22/12/2025 02:36

He’s betrayed your trust, minimised your feelings and publicly ridiculed you so you won’t do it again which gives him total control of you.

This.

bigboykitty · 22/12/2025 07:51

Charlenedickens · 22/12/2025 07:48

Can you say what he said, it’s hard to comment when you say he made a joke, it could be it was something that was bothering him and on his mind and he blurted out an ill timed one liner, or he sat laughing about your feelings.

Quite the reach. There's no need to know what he said.

Charlenedickens · 22/12/2025 07:59

bigboykitty · 22/12/2025 07:51

Quite the reach. There's no need to know what he said.

Show quote history

You may think so, I disagree, a high level summary would help. It isn’t your job to decide what people can and cannot ask.

AquaForce · 22/12/2025 08:11

carcioffi · 22/12/2025 02:36

He’s betrayed your trust, minimised your feelings and publicly ridiculed you so you won’t do it again which gives him total control of you.

Another agreeing with carcioffi.

He's showing you the level of contempt he has for your feelings. They aren't important and raising concerns will lead to humiliation and dismissal rather than resolution.

Original poster

sockfluffblowinginthewind · 22/12/2025 08:52

I’d rather not say exactly what he said as it would be very recognisable , he has come up with a “funny” phrase to describe me not being happy. I suppose the play on words is kind of funny, but I’m a bit sensitive about it. Probably made worse as some of the behaviour that’s upsetting me the most is about how how I am treated in public.

it didn’t feel like he was reaching out for help, but I will have a think on that as I might be being a little harsh and that’s what he was doing. I don’t have an issue with him chatting with his family about the situation. I would just rather not have an announcement were have issues.

the reaction was mixed. A lot of “you can’t leave him”, “we won’t let you leave”, “it can’t be that bad”, you two love each too much to split up, he loves you so much. Most were quiet, but the quizzical looks all night were horrendous.

Im probably blowing it up a bit as I'm feeling sensitive.

When telling him how I feel I have had quite a range of responses from him. He was pretty angry and defensive at times, accusing me of meeting someone else, then sad and apologetic for letting me down, all the way to hating himself and making threats against himself. He is telling me he’s trying to make things better and I am seeing some changes. I don’t really want to bring up what he said at the party in a way, it’s like I’m just finding new stuff to add to the moaning.

OP posts:

Omgblueskys · 22/12/2025 15:08

sockfluffblowinginthewind · 22/12/2025 08:52

I’d rather not say exactly what he said as it would be very recognisable , he has come up with a “funny” phrase to describe me not being happy. I suppose the play on words is kind of funny, but I’m a bit sensitive about it. Probably made worse as some of the behaviour that’s upsetting me the most is about how how I am treated in public.

it didn’t feel like he was reaching out for help, but I will have a think on that as I might be being a little harsh and that’s what he was doing. I don’t have an issue with him chatting with his family about the situation. I would just rather not have an announcement were have issues.

the reaction was mixed. A lot of “you can’t leave him”, “we won’t let you leave”, “it can’t be that bad”, you two love each too much to split up, he loves you so much. Most were quiet, but the quizzical looks all night were horrendous.

Im probably blowing it up a bit as I'm feeling sensitive.

When telling him how I feel I have had quite a range of responses from him. He was pretty angry and defensive at times, accusing me of meeting someone else, then sad and apologetic for letting me down, all the way to hating himself and making threats against himself. He is telling me he’s trying to make things better and I am seeing some changes. I don’t really want to bring up what he said at the party in a way, it’s like I’m just finding new stuff to add to the moaning.

Op why did he think that was OK to have fun at your expense, very little respect for you op,
Am guessing if you decide to have that conversation with him it will go like ' oh I was joking, your to sensitive, if was funny'
These will be his response op, be ready for this,
He hasn't taken your feeling seriously op, by belittling you,

thepariscrimefiles · 22/12/2025 15:18

If he's worried about you leaving him, he's certainly going the wrong way about it.

He was trying to humiliate you in front of his family, I assume to get them on his side. He sounds very immature and quite manipulative.

Original poster

sockfluffblowinginthewind · 22/12/2025 15:21

Omgblueskys · 22/12/2025 15:08

Op why did he think that was OK to have fun at your expense, very little respect for you op,
Am guessing if you decide to have that conversation with him it will go like ' oh I was joking, your to sensitive, if was funny'
These will be his response op, be ready for this,
He hasn't taken your feeling seriously op, by belittling you,

Show quote history

This is exactly how I think it would go if I mention it, and I’m a worried there is truth to the over sensitive part. I don’t want to nit pick.

OP posts:

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 22/12/2025 15:24

He enjoys humiliating you in public and exerting coercive control over you in private.

You are not being over-sensitive. He is manipulative and verbally & emotionally abusive towards you, and I'm guessing that what you've told us is only the tip of the iceberg.

JudgeBread · 22/12/2025 15:25

I think that's appalling, I'd have been tempted to say "well actually the real problem is Mike's micropenis, since we're airing everything out!" and just make it really awkward for everyone, but I appreciate that is petty and childish and not actually helpful.

I'd honestly struggle to come back from this, it's such a fucking betrayal. So sorry OP, I'm raging for you, what a bellend he is.