Nearly a decade..

[Buldak]

I feel a bit awkward writing this, but I’m coming up to almost 10 years celibate. I’m 37, and next year it’ll be a full decade. I don’t know anyone else my age in the same situation mostly I hear about much older people or those in sexless marriages. I’m single, and sometimes it makes me feel like a bit of an odd one out. It would really help to know I’m not the only one. Is anyone else around the same age in the same situation? Or been in the same situation?

Staying single is one thing but can you elaborate why you stay away from sexual relationship?

A couple of reasons, lone parent, not into casual sex

8 years for me. I'm not consciously celibate, just been busy raising a child, working full time and recovering from cancer.

Would I like an intimate partner, yes. But I'm not keen on OLD or the idea of ONSs. And now I have post surgery scars to feel self conscious about.

I'm older than you OP, but I'm sure you aren't alone.

Are you celibate from choice? It’s not clear from your post.

I know plenty of people who were/are single for as long as you, but most of them would have liked to meet someone and tried dating etc. And they weren’t necessarily celibate the whole time, only single.

That is similar for me not keen on ONS and wouldnt find a man online for sex personally though don’t judge those that do. The reason I mention age is I have spoken to people 20 years+ older than me who say they have no intention on ever having sex again but that would be unusual for someone in their 20s/30s

Not fully through choice but being a lone parent makes it tricky and I don’t want ONS or casual sex.

I’m nearly 3 years and got lots of mates who are longer. They don’t like what’s on offer. I don’t want to do OLD and there is zero opportunities for me to meet anyone (despite working in an office, living in a busy city, lots of friends etc)

You don't want casual sex/ ONS which is fair enough but you haven't said if you are actively looking to date and build a relationship where you would eventually have sex?

Is it the sex you miss or the relationship?

I’m 6 years single and celibate and I never ever thought I’d be in this position after a 25 year marriage.

I’ve always been what now seems to be called Demi sexual in that I need an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction and I’ve not found that.

Ive been on a handful of dates - provably about a dozen in the 6 years - but never got further than date 3 and not had a date in last 18 months.

Id definitely be up for meeting someone but it’s just not happening so unplanned celibacy goes on.

Ive got several friends who are also long term single and celibate who would rather not be but the men worth dating or just not out there at our age (50’s)

If you don't see anyone you fancy shagging don't feel bad about it

We are lucky to live in an age when women aren't obliged to have sex except out of choice

No not dating I’m a lone parent and don’t get time to date

That’s the same for me, I need a connection. So many people don’t seem to understand that.

This is your life and you live it how you wish to. It's never wise to compare yourself to others as you are your own self.
Get out more with your treasure. You never know if fate is on your side.

Yeah I know I just thought it was pretty unusual at my age so just wondered if anyone else was in the same situation. I don’t know anyone that can relate.

It’s “unusual” I suppose in the sense that most people do begin dating again because they’d like sex, a partner, more children, whatever; but being unusual isn’t a problem when it comes to relationships. If you’re happy where you are, that’s all that matters. I think most people would understand if you say that you’re focused on parenting which makes dating difficult and aren’t interested in anything casual so ultimately are happy single / open to meeting somebody naturally but aren’t actively seeking it out.

I went over a decade too, then I had a brief relationship with a colleague, then 2.5yrs no sex, then had sex with work colleague again. I wish I could stay away from him, as he does my head in but we have a lot of chemistry and I can’t resist him! But I do try. Otherwise i’m happy being single really.

I went 12 years without sex, as I was a single parent and didn’t want the complication of another man coming into the family. The children are now grown up, and I’m now 2 years into another committed relationship. Never lose hope!

I can understand that. Mine is the other way around, as by your age I had been in a few relationships/casual things. Was still with my ex partner then which was a long relationship. Then separated a couple of years later, and had alot on my plate and housing issues. Didn’t have regular free time etc, so it wasn’t at the top of my list lol. But once things got sorted and settled, I had more regular free time and started chatting with guys again, and engaging in that contact. So it’s been a good few years lol. Then things have got busy again, and stress tiredness with a DC too, gets in the way. But no I would still try to keep something up with someone. I get it with the not wanting casual sex. But do you get free time, so that you could then have someone who you can meet up with regularly.

I understand that you need some level of chemistry and emotional connect to have sex because I feel the same. And that's why I don't do ONS either. However, that doesn't mean you have to suffer through celibacy, especially as you want sex. It does not have be either this or that. You could have a friends with benefits. You could also make your intentions clear on dating apps and that way you might find someone like minded. At the end of the day, you have to at least try.

Fwb aren’t for me. Had them in the past when I was younger and before kids but I always developed feelings and it was never reciprocated! I’m clearly not cut out for that kind of thing 🥲

I’d get feelings, I’ve done fwb in the past before kids and I get feelings for someone if I’m sleeping with them regularly and find them attractive (wouldnt sleep with someone I didn’t find attractive) so it wouldn’t be a good idea

I get it with the connection thing op. I’m the same, for it to really feel like a fully enjoyable experience. But what I have discovered is if you find a hot dude that really knows what he is doing, it can be a really good time physically and sometimes that’s really just what the doctor ordered! If you think less about it and choose wisely, ONSs can be fun. I used to do them when I was younger and it felt soulless. I’ve not done it loads post marriage but I’m looking for different things now . I do hope i find someone again I can have both with, only ever had that once in my 42 years and it sadly never worked out 🥺

5years for me, I really missed it the first year and now I don't even notice 😅I'm happily single and don't think that will change for the foreseeable, maybe when my children are older I will try the dating seen again but for now I am very happy in my little family bubble. I'm also 37 x

Tbh I felt the same for the first 5 years! I was content and wasn’t bothered but my kids were young so didn’t even think about it. It’s only been the last 8-10 years that it’s hit me more

I felt like that after casual sex, it also made me feel a bit cheap and used (not to say anyone else should feel this way!) but I didn’t find the men respectful and thought they just saw me as a bit of meat, if I had a genuine friend then maybe I’d consider it but wouldnt find anyone online etc