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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Nearly a decade..

34 replies

Buldak · 19/12/2025 20:47

I feel a bit awkward writing this, but I’m coming up to almost 10 years celibate. I’m 37, and next year it’ll be a full decade. I don’t know anyone else my age in the same situation mostly I hear about much older people or those in sexless marriages. I’m single, and sometimes it makes me feel like a bit of an odd one out. It would really help to know I’m not the only one. Is anyone else around the same age in the same situation? Or been in the same situation?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 20/12/2025 17:54

No sex as in you don't masturbate?

Nighttimeistherightime · 20/12/2025 17:59

I was celibate for ten years too. Single parent, no support so I didn’t ever go out and had no time. I am pleased that the kids never had the hassle of negotiating a blended family when they were small and they benefited from being my sole focus. I met someone when the were older and we are still together. I thought I’d never have sex again but it turns out it really is just like riding a bike! 😂

Buldak · 20/12/2025 18:02

Eyesopenwideawake · 20/12/2025 17:54

No sex as in you don't masturbate?

No haven’t done in years as did nothing for me.

OP posts:
Dolphinrock · 20/12/2025 18:32

Buldak · 19/12/2025 22:02

No not dating I’m a lone parent and don’t get time to date

Sorry op, I’m confused.

you aren’t dating, you seem as though you have no intention to date due to time restrictions etc, and you don’t want a ons, fwb or find someone online.

you are really going to struggle to have sex with anyone so although I’d say it unusual for someone of your age, it’s hardly surprising given the above.

given you don’t even masturbate, do you think you my be asexual?

Buldak · 20/12/2025 18:34

Dolphinrock · 20/12/2025 18:32

Sorry op, I’m confused.

you aren’t dating, you seem as though you have no intention to date due to time restrictions etc, and you don’t want a ons, fwb or find someone online.

you are really going to struggle to have sex with anyone so although I’d say it unusual for someone of your age, it’s hardly surprising given the above.

given you don’t even masturbate, do you think you my be asexual?

Oh no I’m definitely not asexual! Just got bored of sorting myself out a few years ago! I just only like sex in a relationship which I can’t find the time for.

OP posts:
Buldak · 20/12/2025 19:05

Nighttimeistherightime · 20/12/2025 17:59

I was celibate for ten years too. Single parent, no support so I didn’t ever go out and had no time. I am pleased that the kids never had the hassle of negotiating a blended family when they were small and they benefited from being my sole focus. I met someone when the were older and we are still together. I thought I’d never have sex again but it turns out it really is just like riding a bike! 😂

Ah I’m glad it’s not just me and glad to hear you found someone! It does feel like it will never happen now but as you say it does have its positives, I knew I never wanted a man around my kids when they were growing up, didn’t want a step dad or blended families.

OP posts:
FionaJT · 21/12/2025 18:10

Nighttimeistherightime · 20/12/2025 17:59

I was celibate for ten years too. Single parent, no support so I didn’t ever go out and had no time. I am pleased that the kids never had the hassle of negotiating a blended family when they were small and they benefited from being my sole focus. I met someone when the were older and we are still together. I thought I’d never have sex again but it turns out it really is just like riding a bike! 😂

This was my situation too, except it was over 20yrs (from roughly 30-50) And I definitely went through waves of it bothering me a lot, then not really caring. Now I am an empty nester, and I have met a lovely man, even though I had pretty much written off the chances of that ever happening. I'm very much making up for lost time Smile

TwistedWonder · 21/12/2025 18:27

Nighttimeistherightime · 20/12/2025 17:59

I was celibate for ten years too. Single parent, no support so I didn’t ever go out and had no time. I am pleased that the kids never had the hassle of negotiating a blended family when they were small and they benefited from being my sole focus. I met someone when the were older and we are still together. I thought I’d never have sex again but it turns out it really is just like riding a bike! 😂

Can I just ask was it difficult the first time after so long?

I think I’d now be terrified of it hurting after 6 years of no action down there

Nighttimeistherightime · 22/12/2025 10:23

TwistedWonder · 21/12/2025 18:27

Can I just ask was it difficult the first time after so long?

I think I’d now be terrified of it hurting after 6 years of no action down there

Absolutely fine- like there had never been a ‘pause’!
I don’t think I really thought about sex all the time I was in my own but once I started, I was a bit like a teenager again! I hadn’t had sex at all since my second baby (ex left whilst I was pregnant) and I was scared that I had damage or even vaginal atrophy but all was well!

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