I am a single mother of a lovely 4 and a half year old boy. I think I am bringing him up well and we have a good life. I have a well paid part time job, own my own house, have lots of friends and although sometimes life is a bit lonely for me, my son is happy and well adjusted.
However, an incident happened 3 years ago that I find impossible to forgive with my SIL. It was on her hen night and at the time we both had one year olds. Until that point I thought we'd always got on ok. Anyway, I was staying at their house and after going out with her friends she was really, really drunk. She then proceeded to tell me loads of stuff about her family such as how her father had sexually abused her as a child and had committed suicide when she was 14 and how they weren't close as a family etc.
Obviously I was really shocked and felt really sorry for her. BUT then she said, 'you're lucky having such a close family...AND your father told me you were the cross he has to bear' I said 'WHAT???!' and she said 'you've always been the black sheep of the family, your father is at his wits end about you, he came into your brother's shop (my other brother) ranting about you...I know you and X (other brother) don't get on...'
I was completely flabbergasted, can't remember what I said but I remember her saying 'you're twisting things...like you always do!' but went to bed, drove home and then spoke to my parent's about it. My dad denied it to the hilt and wrote her a letter which she didn't respond to. Two weeks later it was their wedding. I went to it for the sake of my parents but couldn't look at her let alone congratulate her and for a long time my family supported the way I felt.
Time has obviously moved on, they now have 2 children, she has never apologised and over time I have learned to be civil to her for the sake of my parents who are in their 70's and would hate a confrontation.
My brother and I have lost the close relationship we once had. We were really close, in fact he lived with me rent free for about 2 years when he first met her.
My brother unfortunatley had eavesdropped part of our conversation that night and had misunderstood another part of the conversation where I had been telling SIL about how much he loved her. That he had previously been a real player (everyone including her knew that) and had cheated badly on his ex. The point of the conversation - although really stupid now I realise (I was quite drunk too though not too much to remember every word) was to reassure her that he loved her - he never would have committed to another relationship. Anyway, my brother heard snippits of this and they must have discussed it and she told him nothing of what she said.
The three of us fell out for about a year, he took her side (obviously as he had just married her) and had heard nothing about what she said to me.
Even now I still can't forgive her, she has ruined my relationship with my brother (which is now alot better but not like it was), and tried to ruin the relationship I have with my father. To be fair, I split with my son's father when I was 6 months pregnant and then moved house so wasn't in the best of places and there was one family row in that time where I behaved immaturely. However, considering the circumstances (both my SILs were pregnant at the time) I think I coped really well, didn't go off the rails, sold my flat, bought a new one nearer my family and since then I have brought up my son without looking back.
To an outsider we get on ok, we only see each other at family functions (still about 8 times a year) but I can't forgive her. I have told my brother about what was said and he doesn't say anything/denies it. She has never apologised. For a long time I felt so insecure - that my father must have felt that although he has completely denied ever feeling that way.
I would really like some advice, do you think I should one day say something to her?