I’ve name changed for this. This is so hard, and I’m avoiding AIBU because I don’t want to be slaughtered alive.
DH and I have been together for almost 17!years. We have DC, who are not grown up but old enough to be home alone for a few hours etc.
we have a great life in nearly every aspect, except sex. We both had a high sex drive at the start- it was one of the things that connected us. I married someone with an appetite that matched mine hoping that would remain- obviously I thought it would change over time but essentially that someone fairly sexual and intimate in nature wouldn’t fundamentally change.
My DH now has next to no interest. If I start things, he will sometimes engage and has no physical issue gaining or maintaining an erection, but doesn’t always finish (to be fair, that’s been the case since the start, that’s just normal for him)
he never initiates. Not even a kiss. If I suggest it, he’s keen but then at bedtime chooses to watch TV or play on his phone. He’s just not interested in me sexually anymore and it’s breaking my heart.
I don’t sulk (because frankly that’s coercive, and likely to turn anyone off!!) but I’m so sad.
I want to have sex more than once every six to eight weeks. I’m mid 30s and he’s early 40s, both fit and healthy. I initiated the other day, he did about five mins then said he was tired and stopped. I feel a fool, cold and silly.
I booked us a weekend away which he was so keen for, we had a great day in the spa, amazing dinner and then after he just fell straight asleep.
is there a way back from this? I don’t want a divorce. I love him. I love his partnership, companionship. I don’t want to give it all up for some affection but honestly, I could cry. In fact, I am crying. I feel seriously rejected. I don’t think it’s me, he doesn’t use porn or masturbate and there isn’t anyone else (I’m as sure as you can be). He just has such a low sex drive.
I hate myself for this. I know my desires don’t trump his hence I never push- I offer and if he doesn’t want to then that’s that.
but I just wanted so much more from this side of my life. I get propositioned in bars and at work, and I never take the men up on it because im married. But I can’t bare the thought of 2026 holding the same as the last few years.
I don’t even know what I’m asking.