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Original poster

When’s the right time to live together?

32 replies

Power26 · 15/12/2025 04:43

I’m in my 20s, career focused, earn a decent salary and own my own house.

Have been dating someone the same age as me for the last 6 months or so. He lives with his parents, earns a bit less than I do and we met through a previous employer (don’t work together any more).

I feel pressured to live together, more so because that seems to be the done thing for our peers. He’s really keen & feels it’s the next logical step. But I’m not really sure how to approach finances or if I even really want to live with him. We’ve been on holiday together and he has stayed over but it falls on me to do everything/sort everything and he’s quite messy at times. He’s tends to want to come over a lot to get some relief from his parents and quite frankly, I actually like having some space away from him as he’s here most days!

I would say that he’s the only person I’ve properly dated and things feel to be moving a bit quick for my liking. I don’t know what exactly I want from a partner right now but ultimately I think I’d be happier to live separately for a bit longer as it seems like such a big commitment.

OP posts:
FestiveBauble · 15/12/2025 04:46

I think perhaps he’s a bit more keen because he’s living at home with his parents and you have your own house he can move into? I don’t think after 6 months it would the be the same if he was living in his own place perhaps?

Personally I think 18 months + would be a good time. Make sure you’re taking notice of who he’s showing you he is, 6 months in I would think he would still be trying to impress you - if he’s already messy and lazy, using you to escape his parents etc then imagine what it would be like when he’s truly relaxed and feet under the table!

TheAutumnCrow · 15/12/2025 04:47

For the love of god don’t live with him, not now, not ever.

Stay happy as you are, and don’t let this guy drain of your life energy and peace of mind.

Fuckoffeasypeelers · 15/12/2025 05:51

Hard No!
He's moving too fast

If he's messy now at the honeymoon stage, it will get worse .

oldestmumaintheworld · 15/12/2025 05:57

He needs to learn how to look after himself first before living with you. He's messy, lazy and thoughtless. Carry on going out with him if you want to but stop him coming round to your house 'to get relief from his parents '. Tell him to move out of home and get his own place.
You can do much better than this.

TaffetaPhrases · 15/12/2025 06:10

He’s being pushy and trying to improve his situation - don’t fall for it!

beadystar · 15/12/2025 06:18

You don’t move in with him. No! Has he ever lived away from his parents before? He needs to get his own place or a share house and grow up a bit regarding mess and sorting things out. You’ll replace his mummy if he moves into your house.

GrannyTeapot · 15/12/2025 06:26

DO NOT LiVE WITH THIS MAN!

Seriously, protect your finances and your independence and your mental health and do not let him move in. He needs time actually being a full adult, not living with his parents. You would end up doing things for him, you don’t deserve to be someone’s maid - you should be cherished and appreciated.

Cupboarddoorknob · 15/12/2025 06:29

He’s not the one babe.

inkognitha · 15/12/2025 06:34

Concurring with all the above pp, he is looking for a maid to take over from his mum.

ViciousCurrentBun · 15/12/2025 06:39

Well for starters why aren’t you saying, don’t leave this mess? Find your voice. If you can’t communicate with a partner at any age it’s a bad relationship.

TwistedWonder · 15/12/2025 06:43

Cocklodger in waiting. Do not let a man move himself under your roof unt you are 100% certain. This one sounds like he’s looking to replace his parents wiping his arse witn you doing it

Tiuriwiththewhiteshield · 15/12/2025 06:54

Most people benefit from living on their own before living together.
I’d be wary of him moving straight from living with his parents to living with you.

Definitely listen to your gut which tells you to live by yourself for now. Enjoy life how it is and you’ll know when you are ready to live together with someone.

Loubelou71 · 15/12/2025 06:58

It sounds like you're a solution for him getting away from his parents rather than a desire to spend time together. I'd be cautious. If he's not demonstrating he can pull his weight I wouldn't go too quickly. That ends up leading to resentment.

Candleabra · 15/12/2025 06:58

Nope. Play things forward… If you feel relieved on the days he’s not with you then there’s your answer. I honestly wouldn’t live with a man who hasn’t lived on his own and managed his own house. He wants another mummy to look after him. If you’re feeling like this after only 6 months, he’s not the one for you.

YellowCherry · 15/12/2025 07:04

Six months is quite quick - you could leave it for a few months. Also, when he does move in, you need to make it really clear right from the beginning that he is responsible for half the cooking, cleaning and laundry. Otherwise he has to move back to his parents.

LessOfThis · 15/12/2025 07:21

I 100% would not live with a man who had never lived independently. Run a mile OP.

Whatsthatsheila · 15/12/2025 07:42

No for this one cos you know deep down he’s not a long term keeper hence all the doubts @Power26

i don’t think there’s a time limit on it btw when deciding to move in but you’ll know when it’s the one

OneShyQuail · 15/12/2025 07:43

Your gut is telling you all you need to know. You dont want to live with him, you like your space when hes not there your glad to see him go etc if it felt right and you wanted to live with him, that's how you would feel.
Never under estimate the power of a gut feeling!

RaininSummer · 15/12/2025 07:49

Not after six months. Maybe after two years if you feel that you want to and convinced you want to build a life together.

Catza · 15/12/2025 07:52

I don't think there is the "right time". I've dated people for years and never lived together. I've dated people where we moved in together six to nine months into dating. The right time is when you feel you want to. You don't want to so that's really the answer.

Jinglehop · 15/12/2025 07:58

listen to your gut. This one’s a no.

But if you’re getting along famously and you’d like to give it a bit longer, try laying down some boundaries eg. No living together until he’s lived independently from his parents for a year. When he visits you he tidies up after himself and helps with general housework and maintenance, pays for things to contribute towards the cost of him being there. Organises dates and holidays. Think about what you’d like it to be like living together and start right away.

If things go well you can buy a place together later with joint ownership. If he kicks up a fuss or continues to be lazy you know your answer.

Brightbluesomething · 15/12/2025 09:48

This is far too soon. And it doesn’t sounds like a very equitable relationship.
If he can move out of his parents, show that he can live independently- cook, clean, budget and behave like an adult - then perhaps consider this after 18 months/2 years.
But this isn’t what’s going to happen. He wants to swap his mum for you and continue to be a lazy arse because he can’t adult. Protect your peace and your financial independence by not letting him move in on the sly either. It sounds like he’s not the one for you.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 15/12/2025 18:41

I don't think it is about time (although six months is way too soon), and do not feel pressured by your peers (a lot of them will likely be married and divorced by their 40s). As others have said look for signs of compatibility/incompatibility. If he is messy now, he will be a nightmare to live with. If you are craving time/space away from him now, you will want to boot him out in six months. Please listen to what his actions are revealing. Let him find a place of his own, learn to be independent and run a house and if he appears to be doing a good job of that, consider whether you want him to move in - as an equal not as a man baby for you to wash/clean/cook for. Enjoy your independence and autonomy - please don't rush into the next step. It is hard to dislodge men from your home, especially if you are a people pleaser!

Maddyisqueen · 15/12/2025 18:43

Don’t do it

unless your desperate for a baby

just the fact you end up being the housekeeper is NO NO NO!

taxguru · 15/12/2025 18:56

Don't be pressurised by anyone. Do what YOU want to do. If you feel it's too early for you, then just continue as you are. If he doesn't like that, then maybe there's a compatibility problem and you're not right for eachother.

Personally, I think six months is nothing and far too soon to think about living together.

It was ten YEARS before me and DH got married and bought a house together. We lived apart for those ten years, despite being committed to each other, going on 3/4 holidays together every year plus numerous 1/2 night stays in the UK. We were very much a committed couple from around our one year anniversary of meeting, but it suited us to continue living apart. We didn't even stop over in each other's homes, we only spent nights together on holidays and in hotels etc.

Everyone is different, so you do you. If it's not what your boyfriend wants, then you have some hard talking and tough decisions to make. He either waits for you, or you go your separate ways.

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