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Original poster

I don't understand him... what does he want?

47 replies

enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:05

Once again I need some help from wise mumsnetters.😂

So I'm doing this professional degree with peers mostly younger than me (I'm a millennial but they're mostly Gen Z). I went into this with absolutely no expectations to meet new people as it's quite a demanding course. However, there was this person with whom I sort of hit it off quite quickly. Not anything substantial but just that the 'vibe' felt right.

Once we bumped into each other on the street and just chatted for 1.5 hours. I think that was a 'turning point' in that after that day, we sort of became more awkward or 'aware' that we could be quite compatible?

Now, a small group of us often go to the pub at the end of the week. After that day, this person became a lot more focused on me and I'd say a bit flirty. We also had good conversations where we got to know each other better.

One day, after I said something very flirty (reference to a future together etc.), he kissed me in the pub, with other peers nearby.

He wanted to escalate things and... I said no. He still left the pub with me, holding hands, got some food together.

After that, a few days later, I sent him a simple message indicating I'd like to see him. So he suggested a pub at 3pm.

On the day, he told me straightaway that he only had 2 hours as he has a family engagement. He also told me he was at a concert and out all night the night before. He only got up 1pm the day of our meeting. The pub's 50 min from where he lives, so basically he commuted 100 min for a 2 hour meeting?!

I felt like he was trying to get over the awkwardness after my rejecting him, but ... my friends on the course who know him and are closer in age to him said, he likes me. So the complete opposite interpretation...

We didn't address the kiss in this 'meeting' btw. Just a friendly chat.

So... um... what was the meeting for him?! And... I dunno, did he get increasingly flirty over time just for the hope of a one-night stand or he actually likes me?

Anyway, we also sort of confirmed that we both don't like texting so... there's very little communication other than when we meet in classes.

OP posts:
awrbc81 · 14/12/2025 19:13

I think a man doesn’t travel 100 minutes for a 2h meet up unless he’s definitely interested

DatingDinosaur · 14/12/2025 19:32

I think he likes you but doesn't know where he stands so is trying to behave like he's okay with just being mates.

If he was only after sex, he wouldn't have agreed to meet you again. Or he'd have behaved differently and tried chancing his arm again.

Original poster
enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:35

DatingDinosaur · 14/12/2025 19:32

I think he likes you but doesn't know where he stands so is trying to behave like he's okay with just being mates.

If he was only after sex, he wouldn't have agreed to meet you again. Or he'd have behaved differently and tried chancing his arm again.

Well, I certainly like him and I thought asking him out was a clear message? Plus seeming disappointed when he really had to go. Not to mention the making out....

I guess a 5+ years age gap has to do with it.

What to do (short of making out) to let him know that I do like him?!

OP posts:
BeAppleNow · 14/12/2025 19:35

awrbc81 · 14/12/2025 19:13

I think a man doesn’t travel 100 minutes for a 2h meet up unless he’s definitely interested

^^ of course he likes you- you might need to ask him out , or make it clear that you would like to see him more

SirChenjins · 14/12/2025 19:37

Sounds like he like you but isn't sure where he stands. Where do you want it to go?

spindrifft · 14/12/2025 19:38

Obviously he likes you. Since you've rejected him already, if he's a decent bloke he won't ask again - the ball is very much in your court. Ask him out on a real date, or tell him that if he asked you, you'd say yes.

Original poster
enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:42

SirChenjins · 14/12/2025 19:37

Sounds like he like you but isn't sure where he stands. Where do you want it to go?

...to be with him?! I thought he was the one sending mixed signals i.e. wanted sex, didn't get sex, wanted to maintain professional relationships so made the obligatory trip.
Again I'm relieved we're not texting but my impression is that Gen Z texts a lot and we don't really do it apart from setting up that meet up.

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 14/12/2025 19:43

Obviously he likes you but as you’ve rejected him once he won’t ask again to be rejected again! You now need to make the move.

TinselTitts · 14/12/2025 19:48

I'm unsure what you mean by he 'said he wanted to escalate things'?

Are you saying he kissed you and wanted sex, or he kissed you and wanted to have a relationship?

What does 'escalate' mean in context here?

Original poster
enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:49

TinselTitts · 14/12/2025 19:48

I'm unsure what you mean by he 'said he wanted to escalate things'?

Are you saying he kissed you and wanted sex, or he kissed you and wanted to have a relationship?

What does 'escalate' mean in context here?

sex

OP posts:
Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 19:52

What’s the actual age gap here op. You talk in generations then refer to 5 years, which is it please,

Original poster
enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:53

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 19:52

What’s the actual age gap here op. You talk in generations then refer to 5 years, which is it please,

9 years

OP posts:
Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 19:54

enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:53

9 years

Show quote history

So like he’s 21 and you’re 30? Sorry I’m trying to grasp the differences in maturity,

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 19:56

Or are we taking he’s 18 and you’re 27? It does make a difference,

Original poster
enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:57

24/33

OP posts:
Original poster
enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:58

I just don't understand. I thought my reaching out after the kiss/rejection was a clear enough message from me.

OP posts:
Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 20:02

Do you really want to date a 24 year old ? Do you think maybe you’ve been swayed by the crowd as they are all young?

i think this is just maturity related, you want a relationship, you’ve had your fun in your early 20s, he’s still partying and having his from what you say. Thought you were up for a shag as you’re making it clear you fancy him.

and for me, I’d think nothing of driving 3 quarters of an hour to see a mate for a couple of hours, I would wonder if it was an excuse though. Edit to add, an excuse to leave.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 20:05

enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:58

I just don't understand. I thought my reaching out after the kiss/rejection was a clear enough message from me.

Oh he knows op, it is clear.

Original poster
enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 20:05

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 20:02

Do you really want to date a 24 year old ? Do you think maybe you’ve been swayed by the crowd as they are all young?

i think this is just maturity related, you want a relationship, you’ve had your fun in your early 20s, he’s still partying and having his from what you say. Thought you were up for a shag as you’re making it clear you fancy him.

and for me, I’d think nothing of driving 3 quarters of an hour to see a mate for a couple of hours, I would wonder if it was an excuse though. Edit to add, an excuse to leave.

Edited

Well, you're not wrong, from my perspective maybe he just wanted 'damage control', since we are also in a semi-professional relationship. Hence I'm not sure.

OP posts:
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 20:08

You’re on a professional course. He made things awkward by trying to shag you. Now he’s trying to make it professional again.

You’re 33, do you really want a boyfriend who goes on nights out that last all night? Xx

Octavia64 · 14/12/2025 20:10

enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:58

I just don't understand. I thought my reaching out after the kiss/rejection was a clear enough message from me.

No it isn’t.

Original poster
enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 20:12

oh my, I feel like both interpretations have their merits!!! How should I face him tomorrow in class...

OP posts:
TinselTitts · 14/12/2025 20:14

I mean this kindly OP but if your posts here are anything to go by, you're not very clear/concise in your communication.

It may be that he's not very clear on what you want either.

DatingDinosaur · 14/12/2025 20:16

enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 19:58

I just don't understand. I thought my reaching out after the kiss/rejection was a clear enough message from me.

Not really. All it says is that you don't think badly of him for trying.

Original poster
enkelt2 · 14/12/2025 20:28

I didn't mean to send a platonic sounding message... But again I don't have the guts to just ask him out... I think I'll go with the flow in class.

OP posts: