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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Bad night

34 replies

Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 01:37

My 16.5 year old discovered late tonight that our dog has eaten chocolate as discovered empty packet under his bed. He did ask my partner who works from home that he realised he left a bad of chocolate under his desk and quickly texted his Dad to remove it as the known potential toxicity to dogs.obviously he didn’t. He said because he was too busy- my partner was out tonight and we couldn’t get hold of him to ask in case he put the actual chocolate somewhere else —as he always puts his phone on silent. When he came home we asked if he moved the chocolate and he said no and didn’t care- My poor teenager was distraught with guilt and extremely upset. Partner comes home ( drunk) and I just asked why didn’t u just move the chocolate when our teenager texted u this morning and he got incredibly angry saying it has nothing to do with him and we are lazy ( the c word) and just got very very very angry. He was v verbally angry at me and was shouting at me saying it has nothing to do with him and he really got in my face and formed a fist. I didn’t back down ( yes I should have but I was dealing with a distraught kid and a potential trip to the emergency vet). Called us lazy bastards,and the c word and yelling that he was being accused of something he didn’t do. I am a scientist and know all about the risks of chocolate poisoning in dogs and have hammered into them not to be leaving chocolate around. My partner knows this. All day my teenager thought my partner moved the chocolate ( as his dad did see the message and conmented on how he still hides food/ sweets in his room- ( ie my teenager)but my teenager discovered the now empty bag of chocolate late a night before bed. Then my partner comes in my room and demands an apology- we had to say sorry to defuse him. I don’t think this is normal behaviour ( he did threaten me that he is going to get even more angry etc, and he did push me- not extremely hard but still)

OP posts:

CheeseIsMyIdol · 13/12/2025 01:39

Why the fuck are you with that useless piece of shit?

What is the status of the dog?

JustSomeMama · 13/12/2025 01:51

OP: I hope that you, your son and your dog are all ok. Sending lots of love.

Your teenager sounds like a very considerate and responsible young person and I'm so sorry that his dad couldn't do a simple task to help (move a food item off the floor - it's really not a lot to ask).

Shouting, swearing, threatening, pushing and intimidation (forming a fist) are all examples of abuse. What concerns me as well is that he involved your child in this by calling you both names etc. Horrible, abusive man. Horrible parent.

If he ever does this again OP please call the police. You don't know when he's going to snap and actually hurt one of you.

In the meantime have a chat with a specialist charity like Refuge or Women's aid about what's happened. They will be able to talk to you without any judgement or pressure and take you through your options. If you choose to leave for example, they can help you with a safety plan (but they won't pressure you to make any decisions).

This man is not safe. He coerced you both to apologise to him and you did absolutely nothing wrong. This behaviour is not normal and not okay.

Be strong OP. You, your teenager and your dog all deserve peace and safety.

Original poster

Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 02:03

It’s probably my fault as I was very annoyed he couldn’t just move the bag when asked- yes I was outwardly annoyed as all he had to do was walk a few feet into teenager room and move it- his excuse is he is such a busy man and that’s why, and how dare anyone blame him for anything and got mad. Yes he threatened me put I do standup for myself . We apologised ( didn’t mean it) just to settle him

OP posts:

Original poster

Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 02:06

our beloved dog is fine so far. .this has not been good for my teenager at all to witness this-

OP posts:

Negroany · 13/12/2025 02:08

Dogs actually can't have cocoa. So it depends what chocolate it was and how much cocoa it had in it as to whether it was a risk. Also, not all dogs have a problem with it.

The partner however, all he had to do was to shut the bedroom door. He sounds cruel.

Gettingbysomehow · 13/12/2025 02:13

I would not have said sorry to this twat under any circumstances and he would be receiving divorce papers for pushing me. I hope you are not planning to stay with this bully.

DoAWheelie · 13/12/2025 02:21

Get the dog to a vet and the partner out the house. This will escalate and he will hit you. He's shown he can't control his temper and no one should be living under constant threat of violence.

excelledyourself · 13/12/2025 02:22

Please leave this awful man. Your son sounds decent and sensitive. Don’t let your partners nastiness rub off on him.

i hope your dog, and you and DS, are okay.

Original poster

Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 02:24

I did refuse to apologise a number of times but he wouldn’t leave my room so we just said sorry to defuse him- my son actually talked to him calmly on his own ( I did eavesdrop) and defused him a,then my soon said to me he didn’t mean anything ( like apologising etc) just wanted to get him calm-

OP posts:

stormwatcher · 13/12/2025 02:25

OP, it's not your fault, you are entitled to express annoyance and concern and no loving partner would bunch up his fists, push (i.e. assault you) or denigrate you and a child with abusive and threatening words and actions.
The fact that you apologised to placate him shows how dangerous he is now.
When my husband was arrested and removed for assault it was after he had pushed me-the threats and control were far worse, but he had started to verbally abuse and intimidate our children, so I called 999.
You can do the same, and it will be taken seriously.
The chocolate is completely irrelevant-it could have been anything that triggered this rage-stay safe.

excelledyourself · 13/12/2025 02:27

Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 02:24

This is no way for a 16 year old child to live.

stormwatcher · 13/12/2025 02:29

Just read your update-this is what my children (similar ages) were forced to do.Your son is a victim of domestic abuse as well as you, the law now states that a child aged 0-16 witnessing domestic abuse is a victim in their own right.

BeanQuisine · 13/12/2025 03:24

Does this abusive drunk actually bring anything at all positive to the relationship, OP?
It's another one of those posts where you really have to wonder why the "partner" is being retained at all.

daisychain01 · 13/12/2025 03:25

Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 02:24

Why are you with someone whose behaviour is so extreme you need to apologise to defuse the situation.

why put you and your son through that?

honestly just get rid asap. He sounds bloody dangerous!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/12/2025 05:02

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.
You and your son are both suffering at this man’s hands and it’s no life for either of you.

Rolensausage · 13/12/2025 05:28

This man sounds dangerous, toxic and a waste of space to boot.
Why are you still with him? What do you see in a man who shouts at you while forming fists?
Is he actually your son’s dad, as you refer to “ my son”?
Either way, you really must liberate yourself and DS from this vile excuse for a human being.
Contact Women's Aid for help to get away.

Do it for your son if you can’t do it for yourself. It sounds that this man rules the roost with threats of violence and youre both walking on eggshells.

Glad the dog is ok though.
DS sounds lovely and shouldn’t be forced to live with this twat of a man. Get rid,OP.

Lurkingandlearning · 13/12/2025 06:00

None of it was your fault.

Look at it this way, if anyone else were to do that you would have nothing more to do with them. Why do you feel you should allow your partner, who is supposed to love you, treat you like something he stepped in.

SharonEllis · 13/12/2025 06:11

Your partners behaviour is absolutely not your fault. He is nasty and abusive. But you do have a responsibility to your son, who sounds like a great kid. But he shouldnt be living like this. I hope you'll contact a women's charity for some support to help you think through your options for leaving this man.

Seaoftroubles · 13/12/2025 08:05

OP, there is no excuse for your partners behaviour under any circumstances. You son sounds lovely, very caring and responsible whereas your partner is an abusive bully. He verbally abused you, raised his fist to you and had to be apologised to before he would leave the room. Then your son had to calmly placate him. I think we know who the adult is here!
Seriously you need to get rid. Is the property yours? If so he needs to leave, but if you fear his anger seek advice from Women's Aid who will be able to advise you on the safest way to separate.

hoodiemassive · 13/12/2025 08:10

This man is an abusive, dangerous and not safe to have in your house.

JustSomeMama · 13/12/2025 08:36

Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 02:03

OP: please let me reassure you that none of this is your fault. It wasn't unreasonable to ask him to go move some chocolate away from the dog's reach. This takes a minute to do and nobody's so busy that they can't find a minute in their day to do that.

And even if it was an unreasonable request he still shouldn't have reacted so abusively. That reaction is on him entirely.

Seaoftroubles · 13/12/2025 09:34

OP. None of this is your fault and you are already making excuses for him. It's clear to everyone reading here that it's the fault of your abusive bully of a partner. Please protect yourself and your son and take steps to separate before his vile behaviour escalates.

DinoLil · 13/12/2025 09:41

What a horrible, horrible man. I think you should be lining up those ducks asap.

As for your dog, mine snaffled half a chocolate Father Christmas whilst visiting a neighbour last week. I phoned the vet, they said to take her straight there where they made her vomit. £96 later... But better to take preventative measures than wait and see when it might be too late. Actually, the same applies to your OH - prevent this behaviour from continuing rather than it being too late.

TwistedWonder · 13/12/2025 10:04

He’s a nasty vile abusive cunt. Please get him out of your home. You are being abused and so is your DS - you can not let this continue.

Please stop making excuses for this piece of shit because every time you do, you are facilitating your son being abused.

Is he your son’s father?

bigboykitty · 13/12/2025 10:11

Whose house is it? If you own it or it's your tenancy, kick him out and change the locks. He's abusive and dangerous. If it's his place, contact your local domestic abuse organisation. No one is safe around this excuse for a human being.

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