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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bad night

34 replies

Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 01:37

My 16.5 year old discovered late tonight that our dog has eaten chocolate as discovered empty packet under his bed. He did ask my partner who works from home that he realised he left a bad of chocolate under his desk and quickly texted his Dad to remove it as the known potential toxicity to dogs.obviously he didn’t. He said because he was too busy- my partner was out tonight and we couldn’t get hold of him to ask in case he put the actual chocolate somewhere else —as he always puts his phone on silent. When he came home we asked if he moved the chocolate and he said no and didn’t care- My poor teenager was distraught with guilt and extremely upset. Partner comes home ( drunk) and I just asked why didn’t u just move the chocolate when our teenager texted u this morning and he got incredibly angry saying it has nothing to do with him and we are lazy ( the c word) and just got very very very angry. He was v verbally angry at me and was shouting at me saying it has nothing to do with him and he really got in my face and formed a fist. I didn’t back down ( yes I should have but I was dealing with a distraught kid and a potential trip to the emergency vet). Called us lazy bastards,and the c word and yelling that he was being accused of something he didn’t do. I am a scientist and know all about the risks of chocolate poisoning in dogs and have hammered into them not to be leaving chocolate around. My partner knows this. All day my teenager thought my partner moved the chocolate ( as his dad did see the message and conmented on how he still hides food/ sweets in his room- ( ie my teenager)but my teenager discovered the now empty bag of chocolate late a night before bed. Then my partner comes in my room and demands an apology- we had to say sorry to defuse him. I don’t think this is normal behaviour ( he did threaten me that he is going to get even more angry etc, and he did push me- not extremely hard but still)

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Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 14:42

He is my husband, he was drink
but no excuse. He didn’t wake up in the anxiety ridden hangover I was hoping for. After him walking round the house not saying anything- I said you owe me an apololgy for last night and he said I owed him one . So I just told him off explaining how his actions were unacceptable but he kept saying I provoked him and made him that way.

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Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 14:43

And it’s our child, we have been married for over 20 years

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Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 15:24

Unfortunately I didn’t get an apology ( I was hoping he would wake up and feel like shit with severe hangover anxiety and regret- if that was me I was have been utterly ashamed) , I did say to him eventually u owe me an apology and he said that I owed him one. He is my husband of 20 years and it is our child.
I argued how unacceptable his behaviour was. I was trying to blame me that I provoked him and antagonised him and my fault for saying anything to him as he was drunk.

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Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 15:27

I basically got what feels like a forced apology. DS said he never saw thin that angry as last night-

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Gettingbysomehow · 13/12/2025 15:28

Abusers always say its your fault. Nothing they ever do is their fault including violence.
If you stay with him you are a fool.

Mammadrama · 13/12/2025 18:03

No apology, no remorse this morning for his behaviour last night. He wanted one from me

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SharonEllis · 13/12/2025 18:33

I think you know what you need to do.

Mammadrama · 17/12/2025 02:23

I am so thankful for all your support, really means so much, I’m still trying to process that night

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Mammadrama · 17/12/2025 03:22

What I want to decide is.. is there any chance of coming back from this…. I still hear those awful words mentally, my DH doesn’t have a drinking problem but he does have a short fuse/ temper / angers easier than I do

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