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Original poster

Is it a red flag?

42 replies

LA1988 · 12/12/2025 09:14

3 weeks ago I met a guy when I went for a meal with my friend.
We hit it off & exchanged numbers.
We've been texting everyday & realised we had alot in common.
I have asked to meet him again, go for a proper date but he has said its the wrong time of year because hes really busy at work. Does 12 hour shifts 5 days a week. Christmas parties etc but he really wants to see me again.
Then I noticed he always says he will call me in the evenings but never does. I did question it at first & he always says the next day he fell asleep because he was tired from work but he texts me everyday from the minute he gets up until around 8pm every night but says I'll call you this evening then never does. Sometimes a phonecall on his lunch break. Am I over thinking this?

OP posts:
drusilla49 · 12/12/2025 09:16

You’re probably not overthinking it and it probably is a red flag. He’s just keeping you hanging with a few texts. Wrong time of year my arse.

L0bstersLass · 12/12/2025 09:17

drusilla49 · 12/12/2025 09:16

You’re probably not overthinking it and it probably is a red flag. He’s just keeping you hanging with a few texts. Wrong time of year my arse.

Agreed.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 12/12/2025 09:18

The wrong time of year because his dw will notice if he isn't around you mean?

Imbusytodaysorry · 12/12/2025 09:18

@LA1988 seems like he can’t calll as no doubt at home with the wife .

Original poster
LA1988 · 12/12/2025 09:29

I started to get suspicious when I said if we cant meet in person there's always facetime for now we can do it tonight (this was a week ago) he didnt reply to my message until the next morning. Said he'd fallen asleep but didnt even acknowledge the face time part.

OP posts:
AgapanthusPink · 12/12/2025 09:33

Total red flag. He can clearly go out socially if that’s how you met him 3 weeks ago. He is either just not interested enough to make any effort or he can’t because he has a wife/GF. Either way you’re wasting your time.

rainbowunicorn22 · 12/12/2025 09:35

sounds like a workaholic who will always be the same, and you would be well down the order for him if you did have a relationship; probably why he is on his own.

Tryingatleast · 12/12/2025 09:39

Is he in retail or working in a pub or hospitality? Because I had to tell my friends December was out, I’m working ten/ eleven and twelve hour shifts and grabbing sleep where I can! Everyone I know is either flat out so they can finish up for Christmas or have already started finishing up so I look like an outlier!!

Original poster
LA1988 · 12/12/2025 09:47

Tryingatleast · 12/12/2025 09:39

Is he in retail or working in a pub or hospitality? Because I had to tell my friends December was out, I’m working ten/ eleven and twelve hour shifts and grabbing sleep where I can! Everyone I know is either flat out so they can finish up for Christmas or have already started finishing up so I look like an outlier!!

He's a builders merchant. He calls me on lunch sometimes & says if hes going to be out in the evenings like darts on a Tuesday. He met a friend the other night & stated he would be no contact from 7 until 9 which i thought was odd because if im out with a friend I never specify how long I will be because you never know how long your going to spend with a friend when you meet them.

OP posts:
ForLoveNotMoney · 12/12/2025 09:51

I’d sack this one off. Sounds like to hard work already

Tryingatleast · 12/12/2025 09:55

Ah sorry op yeah I’d probably ease my foot off the pedal x

BauhausOfEliott · 12/12/2025 09:56

He’s not single.

Deliberations · 12/12/2025 09:57

Gosh if he's this hard work before you've even had a proper date I'd be giving up by now.

Honestly stop getting invested - you have no idea about this guy - he's stringing you along and making absolutely no effort. If he's a builders merchant work should be quieter at this time of year not busier.

trogtrogtrog · 12/12/2025 11:15

I could've believed the silly season business until you said what he did for work. Don't builder's merchants open like 7am-4pm? And I imagine that sort of thing would be winding down right now rather than up (surely most builders are finishing up for xmas rather than starting big projects?).

Sounds like he's got a partner. I had the same thing. Met him on an app and only when I started to have suspicions because of other things did it occur to me that he barely contacted me in the evenings (after being very chatty all day).

Original poster
LA1988 · 12/12/2025 14:42

trogtrogtrog · 12/12/2025 11:15

I could've believed the silly season business until you said what he did for work. Don't builder's merchants open like 7am-4pm? And I imagine that sort of thing would be winding down right now rather than up (surely most builders are finishing up for xmas rather than starting big projects?).

Sounds like he's got a partner. I had the same thing. Met him on an app and only when I started to have suspicions because of other things did it occur to me that he barely contacted me in the evenings (after being very chatty all day).

He has said they have a stock take to do so will be working 13hr shifts to get it done before Christmas. Then hes out on a works Christmas do tomorrow. Will be hungover on Sunday then back to work Monday. I asked if I could see him next weekend before I go away for Christmas to see my family & he said he would be working then he goes away to see his parents so he wont be able to see me until news years eve.

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 12/12/2025 14:59

Oh ffs, what's the point of him!

I reckon he calls you when his wife leaves the house and ignores your messages when she comes home. A builders' merchant wouldn't work so hard unless he owns the business.

NewCushions · 12/12/2025 15:04

Worst case is he has a partner.

But even the best case is bad - that he's just not that interested in making an effort. If he really liked you, he'd want to see you. So take it for what it is - a flirtation that hasn't really developed and move on.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 12/12/2025 15:10

NewCushions · 12/12/2025 15:04

Worst case is he has a partner.

But even the best case is bad - that he's just not that interested in making an effort. If he really liked you, he'd want to see you. So take it for what it is - a flirtation that hasn't really developed and move on.

Totally agree with this.

Often men who are happy to be texting women they barely know all day every day never actually want to meet up. The texting is enough for them.

I’d take this as a lesson not to get so invested in a near-stranger that you’re spending hours every day exchanging messages.

Deliberations · 12/12/2025 15:18

LA1988 · 12/12/2025 14:42

He has said they have a stock take to do so will be working 13hr shifts to get it done before Christmas. Then hes out on a works Christmas do tomorrow. Will be hungover on Sunday then back to work Monday. I asked if I could see him next weekend before I go away for Christmas to see my family & he said he would be working then he goes away to see his parents so he wont be able to see me until news years eve.

Show quote history

For whatever reason this guy just isn't willing to make time for you.

That should tell you all you need to know.

Find someone who makes time for you and doesn't have weird posts about them on Facebook dating pages!

OriginalSkang · 12/12/2025 15:21

He's not that interested. He might not be single or he might just be keeping you in the back pocket to pull out at some point for something one off

Google 'shelving dating'

TreeDudette · 12/12/2025 15:22

RED FLAG. If he was interested he;d make time. Sounds more like he lives with someone so can't text or call easily in the evenings. Either way he sounds hard work and who can be arsed!

TwistedWonder · 12/12/2025 20:25

My fist thought his he can’t dial in the fending because he’s at home watching tv with the wife and kids.

Whatever the reason though he’s lying to and making plans with you - bin him off he’s a waste of time

ActingUpOut · 12/12/2025 20:30

LA1988 · 12/12/2025 09:47

He's a builders merchant. He calls me on lunch sometimes & says if hes going to be out in the evenings like darts on a Tuesday. He met a friend the other night & stated he would be no contact from 7 until 9 which i thought was odd because if im out with a friend I never specify how long I will be because you never know how long your going to spend with a friend when you meet them.

Show quote history

That sounds like a date.
You’re being far too available for him.
Ignore him for three days and if he texts again, say you’ve been really busy🎄 🎂 🍷 🧀

ActingUpOut · 12/12/2025 20:32

LA1988 · 12/12/2025 14:42

He has said they have a stock take to do so will be working 13hr shifts to get it done before Christmas. Then hes out on a works Christmas do tomorrow. Will be hungover on Sunday then back to work Monday. I asked if I could see him next weekend before I go away for Christmas to see my family & he said he would be working then he goes away to see his parents so he wont be able to see me until news years eve.

Show quote history

He’s totally stringing you along. You need to 👻 immediately.
Next!

roastedrapidly · 12/12/2025 20:54

He's married