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Original poster

Is it a red flag?

42 replies

LA1988 · 12/12/2025 09:14

3 weeks ago I met a guy when I went for a meal with my friend.
We hit it off & exchanged numbers.
We've been texting everyday & realised we had alot in common.
I have asked to meet him again, go for a proper date but he has said its the wrong time of year because hes really busy at work. Does 12 hour shifts 5 days a week. Christmas parties etc but he really wants to see me again.
Then I noticed he always says he will call me in the evenings but never does. I did question it at first & he always says the next day he fell asleep because he was tired from work but he texts me everyday from the minute he gets up until around 8pm every night but says I'll call you this evening then never does. Sometimes a phonecall on his lunch break. Am I over thinking this?

OP posts:
Original poster
LA1988 · 16/12/2025 08:22

Thank you all for your advice. Messaged him this morning saying I cant see this going any further because He went to his works Christmas do Saturday night messaged me before he went saying to have a good night at my cousins 40th & he would miss me. Then I didnt hear from him again until Monday morning said his phone died, he was hungover all day sunday but I noticed he didnt seem that interested in talking to me all day yesterday. Asked if everything was ok said he had a bad day at work. I told him he could rant to me if he needed to his response was "thanks but my friend has been a good listener about it all" told him I was going out for a meal with my best friend & he sounded like he was guilty tripping with his response "if your going out I wont bother you. Talk later". We've gone from talking pretty much every hour of the day to 5 messages since Saturday night.

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 16/12/2025 08:28

Many, many red flags. He's either married or living with with someone, hence the reason he is out of contact in the evenings. Have you done a search on his social media to check him out? You don't really need more evidence though OP, he's not available so l would sling this one back.

MoonChild111 · 16/12/2025 08:40

Don’t waste any more time on him. Trust your instincts. Have a lovely Christmas 😊

HelloKitty05 · 16/12/2025 15:38

He doesnt live alone. Trust me ;)

CandyCaneKisses · 16/12/2025 15:45

Back off a bit. He’s busy so no need for the constant messaging.

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 16/12/2025 16:14

He's clearly not interested. If he was he'd be MAKING time to see you. Even an hour for coffee. He doesn't deserve your attention. You're wasting your time and chasing him at this point (it's not a good look!) Back off and leave him to waste someone else's time.

Hohohohohohoho2025 · 16/12/2025 16:18

Why are you messaging him? He isn’t interesting in meeting you, if he was then he would have made it happen.

Original poster
LA1988 · 16/12/2025 19:06

He's using all sorts of excuses now like hes an overthinker & the fact im a single mum to a 12yr old which he knew about anyway. Says he doesnt mind kids but not teenagers. Ive just ignored it all because thats just his way of trying to say im not interested but to use my child as an excuse or their age is a massive get lost on my part. I would rather date someone with older kids because they have more time where as someone with younger kids have to think about babysitters, cancelling plans last minute etc but thats just my opinion. Doesn't matter how old someone's kids are it shouldn't be used as a reason to date or not date someone.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 16/12/2025 19:10

Stop chasing someone who is either not interested or not single. You’re giving way too much headspace flogging a dead horse.

Block him and move on

winterwarmer8274 · 16/12/2025 19:28

What a time waster, sorry OP. Telling you he has no time to meet you, then also talking about going to meet his mates?????

I always avoid getting sucked into this messaging constantly without meeting. If a man is interested, he will find time to meet you. If they're being weird about meeting, massive red flag. I drop people at the slightest sign of them being hesitant to meet / being flakey now.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 16/12/2025 20:23

LA1988 · 16/12/2025 19:06

He's using all sorts of excuses now like hes an overthinker & the fact im a single mum to a 12yr old which he knew about anyway. Says he doesnt mind kids but not teenagers. Ive just ignored it all because thats just his way of trying to say im not interested but to use my child as an excuse or their age is a massive get lost on my part. I would rather date someone with older kids because they have more time where as someone with younger kids have to think about babysitters, cancelling plans last minute etc but thats just my opinion. Doesn't matter how old someone's kids are it shouldn't be used as a reason to date or not date someone.

So you're not going to contact him again then are you?

Cappie73 · 16/12/2025 20:30

Not available from 7-9, he was probably at his kids school Christmas play.

Nopersbro · 16/12/2025 20:31

Even putting the most generous (to him) spin on it, he's not reliable. If his time does somehow free up and you do begin to see him regularly, I imagine it will be pretty frustrating. Also, "working too hard at the moment to arrange and show up for a first date" could be possible - but he's playing darts, going out with friends, and scheduling a whole day to be hungover. If he's met someone new that he's seriously interested in, making time to see her face to face should probably be higher priority than some of these. (Also, come on - no one schedules a first date for New Year's Eve!!)

Original poster
LA1988 · 16/12/2025 20:45

Idontjetwashthefucker · 16/12/2025 20:23

So you're not going to contact him again then are you?

Show quote history

Nope. Im super busy from friday until beginning of January so have plenty of fun things to look forward too. If a man (sorry boy) has to use your childs age as an excuse or reason to not be with you that is a them problem

OP posts:
foodlovefood · 16/12/2025 20:49

I wouldn’t give this guy any headspace or attention. He is either already involved and liked the chat. Or one of those guys who like the thought of a relationship but has a routine they will never give up. He is using excuses.

I remember trying to date a guy who spent hours each day texting me. Took ages to meet up. Had a good date, but was a pub crawl. Then he went back to texting. Had excuses of sea his mum on a Sunday and snooker Wednesday etc. I gave up as it was clear he was set in his way.

DP now texted me a lot. But also made space for me.

BeNoisyFish · 17/12/2025 10:09

He is not serious about you.

BuckChuckets · 17/12/2025 10:26

LA1988 · 16/12/2025 20:45

Nope. Im super busy from friday until beginning of January so have plenty of fun things to look forward too. If a man (sorry boy) has to use your childs age as an excuse or reason to not be with you that is a them problem

Show quote history

You've dodged a bullet, he can't call you in the evenings because that's when he's home with his wife/girlfriend.

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