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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend keeps asking for “quick favours” that end up eating half my weekend

47 replies

GirouxSein · 12/12/2025 02:29

A close friend has got into the habit of asking me for small favours — grabbing something from the shop near me, helping her with a form, popping by to keep her toddler entertained for a bit. None of it sounds major but every time I agree it turns into a long thing.
Last weekend I went over to “help for 20 minutes” and ended up staying nearly two hours because she kept adding things. She’s not doing it maliciously but I’m tired of my weekends disappearing.

OP posts:
TheChristieAffair · 12/12/2025 02:30

Say no!

HideousKinky · 12/12/2025 02:42

Is she lonely and using these tasks as an excuse to get you round there, just for someone to talk to? Or is she genuinely not very capable?

ZenNudist · 12/12/2025 02:55

Stop?

CheeseIsMyIdol · 12/12/2025 03:12

“Sorry, that won’t work for me “

InSpainTheRain · 12/12/2025 03:20

Sorry I’m busy, see you in the new year”.

HelplessSoul · 12/12/2025 04:30

How about saying "no"? Aint that hard - you're an adult - so act like one.

Silverbirchleaf · 12/12/2025 04:46

I agree, be busy. Have some stock answers ready. Deflect her answers with suggestions. Eg. Use Uber eats, get a childminder etc.

It may sound harsh, but you’ll fuelling her requests. Start saying no, or if you do go and help, take control and say you need to leave when the job is done. Don’t be convenient for her. If she wants something from the shop, she can get it. If you have to, ignore her texts, or reply with a vague, ‘sorry, not available to do that’. You don’t have to give a reason.

Iocanepowder · 12/12/2025 04:48

‘Sorry i’ve got things on today!’

Iocanepowder · 12/12/2025 04:48

Also what does she need your help with for 20 mins?

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 12/12/2025 04:53

How about next time she phones and asks for help say “oh I was just going to phone you as I need help to do such and such,” (make it a big task so she won’t want to). Then when and if she ignores you and still expects you to help her out tell her you have to get on with what you have just listed.Have a few stock answers up your sleeve for next time she tries to use your time up.

MaggieBsBoat · 12/12/2025 05:06

is she lonely at weekends? Does she have anyone else? These requests may be symptomatic of a deeper issue. This is a conversation that may be worth having, encouraging her to widen her village so to speak. But fundamentally in the end you have every right to say no and should if it’s too much.

verycloakanddaggers · 12/12/2025 05:10

What's your friendship like overall and do/would you ask her for favours too? Have you known her long, has she always done this and do you also do fun things with her?

It's hard to say what's going on here without more info - is she on her own and using the favours as an excuse to see you, or is she overwhelmed, or is she the type to ask lots of people for favours?

It's ok for you to just say 'sorry, I can't this weekend as I'm really busy' and leave it at that. Or you can have a chat and say 'I can't do things at short notice at the weekend as I've always got my own jobs planned'.

TheCorrsDidDreamsBetter · 12/12/2025 05:32

Don't let her take advantage of you, just say no.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 12/12/2025 05:36

Is it every weekend? That’s really odd if she calls or messages about this weekend I would say can’t this weekend as I was at yours for a few/ couple of hours last weekend and now have lots to do myself…. Let’s catch up soon just the two of us…. Keep it nice and breezy

I would never ask a friend to get something just because the shop was near them unless it was seriously on their way and then I would feel guilty so I think your friend is being a CF so don’t feel guilty for pushing back

XWKD · 12/12/2025 05:43

Just tell her you haven't time.

moose62 · 12/12/2025 06:14

What's the problem with saying 'No, sorry I'm busy today '

EINSEINSNULL · 12/12/2025 06:38

Start saying no?

FollowSpot · 12/12/2025 06:50

“Not today, got a lot on”
”can this wait til next week? I need to focus on xxx today”
”haha no way, last time you said 20 mins I was at yours for 2 hours! “

Or… don’t look at your phone / open her messages. Later just say ‘I was busy and not looking at my phone’

User564523412 · 12/12/2025 06:58

She’s not doing it maliciously but I’m tired of my weekends disappearing.

She's obviously is though. It sounds like a typical manipulation that stupid people do and think other people won't twig it. She obviously wants company or just someone to help her with her toddler. She knows that if she asks outright for a coffee or playdate then it's easier for people to refuse since everyone has busy schedules. But if she frames it as a quick task, and she clearly emphasised the 20mins, then she can trick someone into coming over more easily. And once you're there, it's harder to leave politely if she keeps adding stuff.

Next time just prepare a list of excuses. You're out of the house, visiting family, catching up work, at some event, taking a course, have an online meeting, etc.

MrsVBS · 12/12/2025 07:00

Stop feeding into her asking you if you don’t like it, either tell her straight it’s getting too much or say no sorry I can’t and offer no further explanation. I’m always amazed when people get into things they don’t want because they can’t say no.

Original poster
GirouxSein · 16/12/2025 02:36

Silverbirchleaf · 12/12/2025 04:46

I agree, be busy. Have some stock answers ready. Deflect her answers with suggestions. Eg. Use Uber eats, get a childminder etc.

It may sound harsh, but you’ll fuelling her requests. Start saying no, or if you do go and help, take control and say you need to leave when the job is done. Don’t be convenient for her. If she wants something from the shop, she can get it. If you have to, ignore her texts, or reply with a vague, ‘sorry, not available to do that’. You don’t have to give a reason.

Yes, this makes sense. I think I’ve accidentally trained her to see me as the easy option because I rarely say no. I don’t want to fall out with her, but I also can’t keep giving up my weekends. I need to get better at being less available and actually sticking to my time limits rather than feeling awkward and staying.

OP posts:
Original poster
GirouxSein · 16/12/2025 02:37

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 12/12/2025 05:36

Is it every weekend? That’s really odd if she calls or messages about this weekend I would say can’t this weekend as I was at yours for a few/ couple of hours last weekend and now have lots to do myself…. Let’s catch up soon just the two of us…. Keep it nice and breezy

I would never ask a friend to get something just because the shop was near them unless it was seriously on their way and then I would feel guilty so I think your friend is being a CF so don’t feel guilty for pushing back

Yeah, it’s not literally every single weekend but it’s frequent enough that it feels like a pattern now. I like the idea of keeping it breezy and reframing it as proper catch-up time instead. And honestly, same — I’d never ask a friend to run errands just because it’s convenient, so I probably do need to stop feeling guilty about pushing back a bit.

OP posts:
Mercurysinretrograde · 16/12/2025 05:12

How about “Sorry, I’m really struggling with all my Christmas planning and I need to spend some time with my family. I hope you have a fabulous Christmas and let’s catch up in the new year”.

WonderingWanda · 16/12/2025 05:18

Just say no more often and if you do help.out have better boundaries. If you popped round for 20 mins get up after 20 mins and say "glad I could help but I've got lots planned so must get on with it" and if she tries "Oh but could you just....." then say "Really sorry, no more time today maybe another time if you don't figure it out".

I'd love to know what on earth she needs help with,are they things she could feasibly do herself or fix with better planning? E.g. if she needs you to pick up milk regularly, tell her to freeze some so that she doesn't keep running out.

She sounds like one of life's takers.

DarkForces · 16/12/2025 05:21

Can you get in there first and ask her a favour that you'd appreciate her doing? How she responds will tell you a lot about your role in the friendship