Partner doesn’t want sex

[jemma1995]

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together for 10 years and have 2 young children.
the first year we were together we had lots of sex.
after that it dwindled significantly.
The only time we have had sex is to conceive our children 😂
literally have the best relationship but I just want to feel wanted! I lost weight and tried to improve my appearance before having my most recent child as I wondered if maybe he just didn’t find me attractive anymore but no still no interest.
I have tried to gently discuss with him but he turns it round to me like ‘you don’t initiate’ and I’ve said I like feeling wanted and knowing you want me but he just never does.
Is anyone else’s partner like this as I feel like the minority everyone else’s other half seems to want to have sex all the time and it’s the woman who’s not interested. It just makes me sad as I’m only 31 and just feel like this is something I wish I had 😢

You might want to read the Sexless Marriage Support Thread (amongst many others); you'll see there are plenty of women in your position. I'll warn you, though, the thread is not especially encouraging - but you never know.

(I'm M58, married 23 years, sexless for 8.)

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/sex/5314079-sexless-marriages-support-thread

Do you ever try to initiate?

Yes! And he will oblige sometimes but that’s the only time ever he will entertain it and it always just seems like that’s when he does it just to appease me

I have to say I don’t feel very hopeful if it’s been like this for nine years??

It sounds as if you do have sex - how often? Is it good?

Literally last time was when my child was conceived nearly 2 years ago! When we have sex it’s fine. He’s very basic sex like has no interest in anything apart from good old fashioned sex. I’ve tried to have a conversation like is there anything you like and he just shuts it down. It’s just shit really as our relationship is perfect otherwise. It’s just the intimacy which is non existent which makes me feel lonely almost

There are ways to be intimate without sex, how are you guys with those? Do you cuddle?

Ok I’m sorry but if you haven’t had sex for two years I think your sex life is officially over.

In all honesty we aren’t great. We don’t really show each other much physical love at all, I don’t know why or when it stopped but we don’t! I suppose I almost feel a bit awkward around him now

@jemma1995 "It’s just shit really as our relationship is perfect otherwise."

I know it's not easy when you have children, but if the rest of your relationship is good, some sort of sex therapy might work for you.