am so sad and fed up, i have had a fall out with my sis.

[deanychip]

She says that i provide no boundries for my child and that i let him be as loud as he wants and as wild as he wants to be.
she says that i allow him to jump on furniture and that he is distructive and a brat.

sorry TEDDIES LOL!

Yep you sound like my kind of mym. Where are you then??? So I can see if I need to organise a train to bring my darling dc's to yours lol

Sorry I meant mum.

near Blackpool, we could go to the beach and make as much noise as we want there!

agree with Cargirl - perhasp you just need to say that you will have to agree to disagree on your paretning styles. Or try a line I used on a few people "just because you think I set no boundaries, doesn't make it true"

she says that i cant see dn unless she has my son, give and take BUT i dont trust her to not scream at him when he breaths too loudly so that aint goin to happen.

kewy i said that to her, lets just agree to diagree about the boundrie issue and leave that there.
awaiting a reply.

think that i have done every thing to try to put it right.
Will have to just wait.

I think leaving it now is right - you have made your point, you dont need to grovel.

agree x

hmm if thats how he is in your house fine thats your perogative but if that is how you allow him to behave elsewhere then sorry its disrespecting someone elses home. My children are allowed to do tons of things at home that they just would not be allowed to do out/in someone elses home and as this has always been the rule they dont question it and know how to behave in public.

You are free to bring him up how you like but perhaps "if many of my friends dislike him and i chose very carefully where we go and who we meet" you should take an objective look at it and wonder if they have a point (im not saying that is the case)

At the moment it is jumping on cushions what when he is a teenager and wants to stay out late/drink in the street if you always allow him to do exactly what he wants he will have not respect for your opinion (I was going to say authority but dont like that word really) Again...before I get jumped on by the free spirit brigade...you are his parent that is your perogative....maybe you will have to forgo some relationships as a result.

Some people just dont like any children and some children just arent likeable buy may grow into nice adults...I wouldnt say I liked children as a whole some I do/some I dont but I think you become more tolerant/understanding when you have them.

I do think it is 50% parenting and 50% personality though some children are naturally quiet some are more boisterous...without a draconion parenting style you I dont think you can change that...I dont think it would be healthy to either.

sorry WW - I understand the point you are trying to make but I pmsl at equating letting a 4 year old play with cushions and a wayward disrespectful teenager!

My mum used to let us makes tents out of sheets in the living room and use the cushions for pretty much whatever we wanted. I'm now the most boring accountant ever! I always knew my mum was very relaxed about things which didn't matter but when she said no it was serious.

Having a rule for everything doesn't make children better behaved.

deany, have you had issues with your sister before, especially re child rearing?

i am adamant that he does not do any thing like this in other peoples homes and have drilled this from bieng little. This is very important to me.
During terrible toddler years, it was just easier to meet at play places etc instead of getting at him at peoples houses.
Luckily at 4 he can uderstand and i can have a conversation about these things. He is pretty good on the whole.

I do enforce rules in the house, wont tolerate agression and impolightnes etc.
he knows his boundries, he is punished.
i can see why you posted that Willwombat, i sound like i am whinning that he walks all over me, this isnt the case. I am no walk over and he doesnt do what he wants to do.
suppose i am quite liberal and very very much choose my battles with him.
tis hard tho isnt it.

oh and I'm not a free spirit - but an accountant... just don't think there's much wrong with using scushions in imaginary games when you are 4.

ah my sis is a very difficult person, not just about child rearing, she has set opinions.
normally, i take it "pinch of salt" BUT i am going to defend my child naturally

I have a friend who had similar parenting style with her children and is now facing bigger problems now they are older...so many times I have been out thinking "ok so youre going to tell them off now" and no nothing happens...

God how boring would life be if you had a rule for everything but they have to understand that no IS no.

My children are required to jump on my cushions...they go all floppy if they arent bashed regularly.

My children can jump on my furniture (not other people's) because our furniture is rank and they're kids.

Some people come into our house and suck lemons. Other's come in and say 'oh how nice to see a family home that looks lived in.'

Horses for courses really.

I remember reading Charlotte Moore; George and Sam in which she describes going on a parenting course and realising that the behaviours everyone in the room were talking about as bad behaviours were seen as moderately good and well behaved behaviours in her house (she mentioned throwing cushions).

My main concern has always been table manners. DS1 is severely autistic and so table manner don't really happen in this house. For years it was a struggle to get him to eat anything at all. The other 2 can be pretty dreadful as well as it's quite difficult to get them to obey an entirely different set of standards. However when ds2 went to a friends house recently for lunch he won the 'best behaved child at the table' sticker So I think it's entirely possible to have a set of rules at home and different rules at other houses. And that doesn't confuse children.

It's important to be consistent with your boundaries, but they don't have the be the same as your sisters.

so do you predict that i am facing awful problems in the future because of my parenting style willy?

I'm predicting you'll need to buy more cushions - they can only take so much jumping you know

your son sounds like a perfectly normal 4 year old boy to me your nephew sounds like a squashed spirit though

my dd makes bouncy castles with my sofa cushions and moves all her boxed toys off her toy box into middle of floor to turn toy box into a stage

imo it will get put away again and if they are having fun does a bit of mess hurt? your sis needs to mind her own business. its okay to give constructive advise but i would never ever tell my sister that she was doing things wrong and her kids were brats!

I agree with you deanychip. My son is boisterous and pushs the bounderies and I love his feistyness. Some people don't though.

I'd say, 'I'm bringing him up the way I think is good and you're bringing your son up the way you think is right. If we can't agree we have to have less contact until they're a bit older or can meet in soft play, parks etc but promise first to make no critisms'

It's great having a close family but it can turn into judgemental nastiness quite quickly
Tell her you agree to disagree, that you do things differently and would like her to accept that
It is better to leave a pathway to congeniality than cut ties.
Just back off a bit

I think you're right about different personalities though. DS2 and Ds3 are chalk and cheese. DS2 is very careful, cautious doesn't like getting too messy etc. DS3 is boisterous, destructive and a real daredevil.

I thought I was a great parent until ds3 came along