Page 2 | Messages to his ex wife

Secondwifeclub · 2025-12-08T23:16:12+00:00

I’ll try keep this brief. A couple of months ago I was on holiday with my husband, much deserved break we have had a rough year. Nothing relationship wise, external factors. After we returned I found messages to his ex wife on his phone… flirty but not down right shocking so I let it slide, never mentioned it. About a month after I seen them he told me she had tried to come onto him via text but the story he told was not what I had seen. So he lied! It didn’t sit right with me. But I rug swept. Fast forward to last night, I decided to look at his phone as he had been out all day and his contact was different from usual. Something didn’t seem right. Searched the ex-wife’s name and all texts had been deleted not single message between them. However, I found historic messages from her old phone number dating from 2023, really inappropriate. Asking for sex, asking if she was horny, asking to see her. He was drunk last night so I didn’t confront him. Today I was at work and my head was a mess. Came home and I couldn’t face the conversation. I’m laying beside him wide awake as he snores away. Has our full relationship been a lie. Has he actually slept with her? Why would he do this? Really need a hand hold and guidance on how to deal with this

Original poster

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 09:11

I’ve always said I would never have something on my phone, that if I dropped dead tomorrow I would be embarrassed for my family to see. He has young adult daughters. This girl looked younger than them.

I obviously don’t know this girl, but seeing him share this video with multiple people has made me feel so sick. He’s not a good man. I have told him I’m going to head out today have some time before the hospital. But I don’t want to come back

OP posts:

TheThingOnTheIce · 09/03/2026 09:28

He’s utterly vile

MeganM3 · 09/03/2026 09:34

He is scum. Separate yourself from him.
Was it a girl he maybe knows, being filmed having sex without her knowledge/ consent. Because that is illegal to share. It’s revenge porn. And he could get in trouble with the police

Original poster

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 09:34

for context other stuff has been happening. As I mentioned we had a bit of a hard year and he’s went off sex. When it does happen he’s not been able to finish with me, only himself. He also brought up me needing to lose weight…. I’ve been advised by my consultant to stop exercising as I’ve been having fainting episodes because of my current illness….

I just feel totally worthless

OP posts:

Original poster

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 09:37

MeganM3 · 09/03/2026 09:34

He is scum. Separate yourself from him.
Was it a girl he maybe knows, being filmed having sex without her knowledge/ consent. Because that is illegal to share. It’s revenge porn. And he could get in trouble with the police

He doesn’t know her. It’s just a random video of some poor girl. But it’s someone’s child. I can’t get over it. It was very graphic from the second I glimpsed. Why is he doing this? Does he think it makes him look cool with the guys?

OP posts:

user1492757084 · 09/03/2026 09:39

Tell him exactly how you feel about that video that he is sharing.
Tell him he is an old pervert and you could never share your life and home with an old pervert.
Give him the flick; he is disgusting.

Endofyear · 09/03/2026 10:07

I hope your hospital appointment goes well OP. But it's time to stop burying your head in the sand and hoping it will all go away - it won't. You owe it to yourself to end this relationship with this disgusting man. You cannot possibly be happy until you've found your self-respect and got away from him.

You're not worthless. He is, and you are worth a million of him. You deserve SO much better.

Original poster

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 10:10

He will brush it off as me over reacting as always. Or say it’s because I’m worried about tomorrow that I’m trying to push him away. Or that it’s just him being one of the guys that I know that’s not him.

i’m thinking is this me pushing him away because I’m worried about tomorrow. All I know is I feel sick.

he is often away for work for a few days at a time and these young girls are there. Is he learning at them whilst I’m at home? My head is a mess. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:

moderate · 09/03/2026 10:26

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 10:10

He will brush it off as me over reacting as always. Or say it’s because I’m worried about tomorrow that I’m trying to push him away. Or that it’s just him being one of the guys that I know that’s not him.

i’m thinking is this me pushing him away because I’m worried about tomorrow. All I know is I feel sick.

he is often away for work for a few days at a time and these young girls are there. Is he learning at them whilst I’m at home? My head is a mess. I don’t know what to do

Edited

You do know what to do. Leave him.

What you posted back in December was bad enough. Now he’s bringing new reasons to despise him.

Get yourself through tomorrow, get your ducks in a row, and get gone. You don’t need to justify yourself to him.

Original poster

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 10:30

moderate · 09/03/2026 10:26

You do know what to do. Leave him.

What you posted back in December was bad enough. Now he’s bringing new reasons to despise him.

Get yourself through tomorrow, get your ducks in a row, and get gone. You don’t need to justify yourself to him.

Show quote history

Today is the closest I’ve ever felt to just leaving him. We were away for the weekend prior to my appointment to enjoy time together and relax and he’s sharing videos of young women. I honestly just don’t want this anymore.

Do I need to tell him why I’m leaving? I know he will turn it round on me and I’ll be the bad guy if I give no explanation.

OP posts:

MontythePrince · 09/03/2026 10:33

You poor woman. You don’t have to decide on your next steps straight away. Get through one hour at a time while the shock wears off.

When it comes time to leave, you can do whatever is best for you. Tell him why, tell him nothing, whatever feels easier.

I would also get some legal advice before taking any action.

Good luck with your appointment.

Thewookiemustgo · 09/03/2026 10:52

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 09:34

for context other stuff has been happening. As I mentioned we had a bit of a hard year and he’s went off sex. When it does happen he’s not been able to finish with me, only himself. He also brought up me needing to lose weight…. I’ve been advised by my consultant to stop exercising as I’ve been having fainting episodes because of my current illness….

I just feel totally worthless

Firstly, concentrate on your health, put yourself first.
Secondly, you are NOT worthless.
Consider this. What have you been doing to render yourself worthless? Nothing, OP, absolutely nothing. You’re a loyal, decent partner doing absolutely nothing to hurt him or jeopardise the relationship.
Consider him for a moment? What is his reputational currency worth? You are ill and he’s not supporting you. He’s cheating on you with messages etc to his ex. He’s also a disgusting specimen with no respect for women, perving over young girls and recklessly sharing inappropriate videos without their permission or knowledge, which I think is now possibly a crime, and if it isn’t, it ought to be.
That’s a pretty long list to render himself pretty worthless as a man and a partner OP. There’s nothing on your list because you’re a partner of great worth and value, you’re a decent woman and he’s a disgusting man.
So, now that we’ve proved he’s a worthless parter and you’re a valuable partner of great worth, why does the opinion of a disgusting disrespectful perve matter to a great woman like you?
His opinion is of no worth, he’s a partner of no value to you. Where women are concerned he’s a complete waste of oxygen.
The opinions of people you respect and admire may be worth listening to, but his? How dare he criticise you, how dare he blame you for his sexual dysfunction, when it’s pretty obvious where he gets his kicks from, which leads to sexual dysfunction in real situations.
The opinions of those you do not respect or admire are worthless, OP. I don’t think you respect or admire this man, who could? Therefore do not let his words of no value devalue you.
This is hideous and I’m so sorry, but concentrate on your health and tell him he can take his pervy disloyal shit elsewhere. Things can only get better without this man. It might not feel like it now but this isn’t going to stop, it sounds to me like it’s who he is.

Endofyear · 09/03/2026 11:11

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 10:30

Today is the closest I’ve ever felt to just leaving him. We were away for the weekend prior to my appointment to enjoy time together and relax and he’s sharing videos of young women. I honestly just don’t want this anymore.

Do I need to tell him why I’m leaving? I know he will turn it round on me and I’ll be the bad guy if I give no explanation.

Show quote history

You can tell him as much or as little as you like. You owe him nothing. Let's face it, he'll likely feel sorry for himself and make you out to be the bad guy no matter what you do. So what? Let him think what he likes, his opinion of you doesn't matter. You will be free.

TwistedWonder · 09/03/2026 11:27

Thewookiemustgo · 09/03/2026 10:52

Firstly, concentrate on your health, put yourself first.
Secondly, you are NOT worthless.
Consider this. What have you been doing to render yourself worthless? Nothing, OP, absolutely nothing. You’re a loyal, decent partner doing absolutely nothing to hurt him or jeopardise the relationship.
Consider him for a moment? What is his reputational currency worth? You are ill and he’s not supporting you. He’s cheating on you with messages etc to his ex. He’s also a disgusting specimen with no respect for women, perving over young girls and recklessly sharing inappropriate videos without their permission or knowledge, which I think is now possibly a crime, and if it isn’t, it ought to be.
That’s a pretty long list to render himself pretty worthless as a man and a partner OP. There’s nothing on your list because you’re a partner of great worth and value, you’re a decent woman and he’s a disgusting man.
So, now that we’ve proved he’s a worthless parter and you’re a valuable partner of great worth, why does the opinion of a disgusting disrespectful perve matter to a great woman like you?
His opinion is of no worth, he’s a partner of no value to you. Where women are concerned he’s a complete waste of oxygen.
The opinions of people you respect and admire may be worth listening to, but his? How dare he criticise you, how dare he blame you for his sexual dysfunction, when it’s pretty obvious where he gets his kicks from, which leads to sexual dysfunction in real situations.
The opinions of those you do not respect or admire are worthless, OP. I don’t think you respect or admire this man, who could? Therefore do not let his words of no value devalue you.
This is hideous and I’m so sorry, but concentrate on your health and tell him he can take his pervy disloyal shit elsewhere. Things can only get better without this man. It might not feel like it now but this isn’t going to stop, it sounds to me like it’s who he is.

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Absolutely this. Look after yourself and your health OP and stop worrying what this disgusting piece of shit thinks. He’s a vile grubby little pervert who doesn’t deserve a good partner

You can leave a marriage for any reason you want if it’s not working for you and him being a cheating lying pervert is more than enough reason.

moderate · 09/03/2026 12:07

Thewookiemustgo · 09/03/2026 10:52

Firstly, concentrate on your health, put yourself first.
Secondly, you are NOT worthless.
Consider this. What have you been doing to render yourself worthless? Nothing, OP, absolutely nothing. You’re a loyal, decent partner doing absolutely nothing to hurt him or jeopardise the relationship.
Consider him for a moment? What is his reputational currency worth? You are ill and he’s not supporting you. He’s cheating on you with messages etc to his ex. He’s also a disgusting specimen with no respect for women, perving over young girls and recklessly sharing inappropriate videos without their permission or knowledge, which I think is now possibly a crime, and if it isn’t, it ought to be.
That’s a pretty long list to render himself pretty worthless as a man and a partner OP. There’s nothing on your list because you’re a partner of great worth and value, you’re a decent woman and he’s a disgusting man.
So, now that we’ve proved he’s a worthless parter and you’re a valuable partner of great worth, why does the opinion of a disgusting disrespectful perve matter to a great woman like you?
His opinion is of no worth, he’s a partner of no value to you. Where women are concerned he’s a complete waste of oxygen.
The opinions of people you respect and admire may be worth listening to, but his? How dare he criticise you, how dare he blame you for his sexual dysfunction, when it’s pretty obvious where he gets his kicks from, which leads to sexual dysfunction in real situations.
The opinions of those you do not respect or admire are worthless, OP. I don’t think you respect or admire this man, who could? Therefore do not let his words of no value devalue you.
This is hideous and I’m so sorry, but concentrate on your health and tell him he can take his pervy disloyal shit elsewhere. Things can only get better without this man. It might not feel like it now but this isn’t going to stop, it sounds to me like it’s who he is.

Show quote history

Hear, hear.

I have no doubt whatsoever that as far as anybody whose opinion is worth caring about is concerned, if you tell them what you’ve told us, they will be behind you every step of the way.

Thewookiemustgo · 09/03/2026 13:05

OP you can give any explanation you like, or none at all, you can tell him that if he can’t work out why himself, he’s got more problems than he realises.
He’s very likely going to make you out the bad guy, many men can’t handle guilt, or their ego can’t handle being rejected, so even when they know they’ve behaved badly they have to make you the bad guy so that they’re the victim. It means nothing, you know why he’s nowhere near good enough for you and that’s all you need to know. Plan how you’re leaving, tell him you’re leaving and that there’s no discussion about it, your mind is made up so talking is pointless. Grey rock (ie don’t engage and don’t listen to) everything he says after that. It will probably just be an angry bullshit list of what he sees as your issues, which have no doubt forced him to be a disgusting idiot, because he’s such a lovely man really and you’re lucky to have him. Pffft.
He’s caused this all on his own, he had choices and greedily chose his own selfish disgusting desires instead of putting you and your relationship first.
Time you called the shots now. He’s forfeited the right to a relationship with you.

Chatsbots · 09/03/2026 13:11

There are a few threads, one in particular, where the woman basically planned an entirely new life, using a storage container for important things and then moved.

I'd do this, if I was you. You might need to have the conversation but in reality, you're done regardless. He's clearly a perv of some sort.

Original poster

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 13:35

Hi ladies, that’s me just catching up. I took myself away for a few hours to try and think. I think he suspects something is wrong as it’s unlike me just to disappear on my own. Already had the “your quiet” comments…. Will be able to blame it on tomorrow for now.

you are all right. It’s totally unacceptable. I’m no prude, and I actually doubted if I was over reacting. It’s just a video the girl must have wanted it to be shared everywhere right? , it’s just screenshotting pictures of a very young colleague and saying horrible things about “how easy” she would be, it’s only texts to his ex wife about wanting to sleep with her. It’s only judging my weight when a consultant has asked me to stop exercising due to fainting episodes. I mean, he’s still a good man. It’s all for banter with the boys. At the expense of respect for me or any common decency against women.

I’ve just had lunch, I’m going to take an hour of writing everything I need to focus on right now. To get me through the next few days. But this has to be it for me.

OP posts:

S0j0urn4r · 09/03/2026 13:50

I think sharing the video etc is actually illegal.

Original poster

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 14:03

I know someone this happened to. An ex partner shared a video after they split. She took him to court for revenge porn. It really affected her. I dont know how it would stand for it being shared by people this girl doesn’t know, as there is no malicious intent. Just a bunch of old depraved men

OP posts:

Original poster

Secondwifeclub · 09/03/2026 14:04

Her life was made a misery at this time. Everyone was speaking about it. People taking sides. Putting herself though court until he eventually pled guilty

OP posts:

Angelic999 · 09/03/2026 14:41

S0j0urn4r · 09/03/2026 13:50

I think sharing the video etc is actually illegal.

This. Report him to the police for him to get a wake up call.

gratefulmezze · 09/03/2026 14:52

I understand the latest thing that's really upsetting you is really bad and very raw...but can I remind you he was texting his ex and asking for sex while married to you....is that not a boundary for you?
It sounds as if he has a porn addiction/ possible a sex addiction. Please leave him. You may spend years of your life discovering things about him and constantly remove boundaries and avoiding confrontation until you look back and you've wasted your life on him.

Thewookiemustgo · 09/03/2026 18:17

Angelic999 · 09/03/2026 14:41

This. Report him to the police for him to get a wake up call.

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I was wondering that. That naive, trusting girl on the video needs outside help to close the thing down, she doesn’t even know that she’s being exploited like this.

outerspacepotato · 09/03/2026 18:32

First priority is you're taking care of your health.

It sounds like your husband is actively involved in sharing porn involving young women.

Get those ducks in order and it's time for a lawyer consult. You can ask the lawyer about the porn you've found him sharing on his phone and if that should be reported. This is awful and the sooner you distance yourself from him, the better.