I'm a married 44yo woman, been with my husband for 15 years and we have school aged kids. I've worked with a male colleague for 3 years now, in the same small office but we don't work on the same stuff. We just chat socially and know each other's family as his kids are at the same school, similar social circles etc. Everything was purely friendship (acquaintance?) level this whole time. Recently we've been chatting more and bumping into each other on our day off with littlest children and chatting a bit more at work. Honestly they have not been planned meet ups. He's pretty handsome but I've never found him attractive before.
About a month ago I had a dream that we were trying to do some diy in a bedroom and he said "this is tough" suggesting that being in close quarters with only me was difficult for him. I woke straight up and have been fixated on that feeling since then. I've also noticed the way I'm seeking out his attention/ conversation more and finding opportunities to message. All above board and not flirty at all, but I'm drawn to him. Mainly who he is, rather than a sexual attraction. I dont want an affair, i like and respect his wife and him (and my own dh!) and honestly I know it's all in my head and not an actual shared feeling.
Does anyone have any tips for getting rid of this feeling? I love my job and won't leave, and do value his friendship if it wasn't for this new feeling I have. It's distracting and terrible for my own relationship. How can I at best remain friends, and at worst get on as colleagues?
I'm adhd and from my reading it sounds a bit more common in neurodivergent people.
Practical tips please!