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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to address partner lusting over online models

56 replies

Curiouscow123 · 07/12/2025 15:23

So my partner and I have been together 3 years. At start of relationship I noticed he followed a lot of insta accounts of models / OF girls. I explicitly told him this made me uncomfortable and I found it disrespectful and also just a bit weird. He acknowledged this and said he would unfollow them which he did. I’ve noticed he’s been screenshotting attractive girls / models that come up on TikTok / Facebook reels etc. I know men watch porn and are visual creatures an all - but how do I make it very clear I won’t tolerate this? Otherwise we are very happy and he’s the first man that’s made me feel safe and loved. This is the only negative I can comment on in our relationship so would like to work it out with him rather than just breaking up. Anyone been in a similar situation?

OP posts:

BauhausOfEliott · 08/12/2025 13:36

MightyGoldBear · 08/12/2025 13:20

In your eyes would a healthy sexuality be us both alone in separate rooms masturbating to sydney sweeney and then too tired/uninterested in having sex together?

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It’s not an either/or situation. Do you not realise that it’s perfectly possible to enjoy sex with your partner and also enjoy having a wank in private sometimes? For example, when your partner’s not there, or isn’t in the mood, or whatever?

Surely you must understand that it’s totally normal and healthy to have private sexual thoughts and desires as well as a sex life with your partner?

jsku · 08/12/2025 13:45

MightyGoldBear · 08/12/2025 13:20

In your eyes would a healthy sexuality be us both alone in separate rooms masturbating to sydney sweeney and then too tired/uninterested in having sex together?

Show quote history

And these are the only two possible scenarios?

Either you only ever masturbate to images of each other and police each other thoughts/fantasies - OR - your sex life breaks down and you are in separate rooms wanking to porn. Seriously?

Alternatively - just like you said about driving by McDonalds and thinking It’d be nice - a visual of her boobs, say after seeing her movie - can flicker in your H’s mind when he is by himself and is masturbating. He does not then feel guilty like a catholic boy thinking he has committed a sin. Life goes on. Your sex life goes on unaffected by the masturbation.

MightyGoldBear · 08/12/2025 13:52

Ofcourse we did that for many years. That works for many people and that's great for them. I don't think a one size fits all can be applied to sexuality.

To step outside the realm of what is most common or socially accepted doesn't immediately equal controlling or someone having a fragile sense of self worth.

dobbylan · 08/12/2025 17:18

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/12/2025 15:26

How can you address this?

Do you live together? If so, bags packed on doorstep. Problem solved.

You seem to have low expectations. You're not safe or loved if he’s openly seeking out images of other women.

It still baffles me when people just assume the OP owns the house and her rights are above the other party.

Typical

Missj25 · 08/12/2025 20:07

MightyGoldBear · 08/12/2025 11:27

People are fully capable of masturbating to the sensation alone. You don't have to fantasise or need any visual aid at all. It's not mandatory. All just personal preference.

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Why is this what your husband tells you he does. 🙄

sellthebigissue · 08/12/2025 20:17

Missj25 · 07/12/2025 23:01

It’s on line , not real !!
And guess what , All men & women have me time & fantasies when we’re in relationships, doesn’t mean we would ever cheat on our partners , so it’s not ick that he screenshot a pic of a sexy woman for when he wants to look at her when he is having alone time !

Yes. It is. Its rough. And i simply woukdnt tolerate it.

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