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Original poster

How to make friends age 40

37 replies

Happypup17 · 05/12/2025 21:57

I live away from family . I have kids and I am happily married. We don't socialise with friends as a couple. I don't really have a good close friend. I see other people out with friends all the time. What am I doing wrong ? 😔 Makes me sad and lonely.

OP posts:
CoralPombear · 05/12/2025 22:00

I’ll be your friend op. It’s hard as you get older, almost without realising it your social life becomes smaller all of a sudden and you stop meeting new people as often. Plus people you do meet tend to have their own pre established groups. Do you have any hobbies or play a sport or anything like that? Clubs are usually good for socialising!

LochSunart · 05/12/2025 22:14

@Happypup17 What are your interests?

m00rfarm · 05/12/2025 22:16

Take up a sport - pickleball, tennis - anything that you can learn and then join in social groups.

EmpressaurusKitty · 05/12/2025 22:18

I got divorced at 40 & moved to a new area. Over the past 10 years I’ve made friends through feminist campaigning & volunteering at my local cat rescue.

I’m not suggesting either of those specifically but getting involved in something that interests you is always a good move.

Original poster
Happypup17 · 05/12/2025 22:20

I like walking with my dog and going to cinema , going for drinks and quite like sport activities. I joined a sport club but left after going 3 or 4 times. Just struggle to gel with people.

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Original poster
Happypup17 · 05/12/2025 22:22

Over the passed year people have asked me to go for drinks and walks but I feel I self sabotage and don't go cos I worry they won't like me and I won't have anything to say to them. Not sure how to get passed that worry.

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Runningismyhappyplace50 · 05/12/2025 22:24

I find it hard to make friends as an adult.

Most of friends I have known for 25 years. My newer friends I met through running and on the school run.

You need to find something you enjoy that is also social.

LochSunart · 05/12/2025 22:27

Dogs are great for casual chat, and you never know what might develop from there. You could go to a dog training class.

Going for drinks? My kinda gal! (I'm a married man and not chatting you up.) Do you go to pubs/bars with groups? Friendship can grow naturally in this way.

Do you have any childhood friends you feel a bond with? If so, could you reconnect?

Original poster
Happypup17 · 05/12/2025 22:27

I have school friends that's I miss and don't see as I live far away from them. Met school mums but never anyone that would be a close good friend. I will try find a club. So hard.

OP posts:
LochSunart · 05/12/2025 22:30

You say people have asked you to go for drinks. Say yes! If you're nervous, do you have someone who you could talk to, who could encourage you, and who you could talk to afterwards about it - to tell them how it went?

LochSunart · 05/12/2025 22:31

Also, it's worth trying to maintain long-distance relationships, by phone, WhatsApp etc. Been a big part of my life.

Original poster
Happypup17 · 05/12/2025 22:32

Probably just my mum

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Original poster
Happypup17 · 05/12/2025 22:33

I was thinking about trying to phone them all again and keeping in touch. We do message each other but probably not enough.

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SwimBikeRunBake · 05/12/2025 22:53

Do you like to read? Have you thought about joining a book club? I have made some new friends this way, new people who join the club have often just moved to the area and are looking to meet new people.

Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 08:16

I am not really a great reader but I might just try and make myself and join a book club.

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Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 08:24

Yeah love going for some casual drinks and would love to go out to Clubs for some dancing. Miss all of that from when I was younger.
I would just love a friend that lives near and phones every day or so and says fancy a walk or fancy a cuppa. Does everyone else have that ? I know guys are maybe different but I know alot of the school mums have this.

OP posts:
skippy67 · 06/12/2025 08:39

OP, nothing will change for you around this, unless you change your approach. You need to put yourself out there. I joined a sports club 12 years ago age 46. I have made so many lifelong friends as a result. Be brave, take the plunge. What's the worst that could happen?

EmpressaurusKitty · 06/12/2025 08:45

I would just love a friend that lives near and phones every day or so and says fancy a walk or fancy a cuppa. Does everyone else have that ? I know guys are maybe different but I know alot of the school mums have this.

I work during the day, & so do most of my friends, so daytime phone calls & lots of meet-ups wouldn’t work for us. We mainly WhatsApp each other with the occasional phone call & meet-ups are every month or so.

If you’re looking for friends who are free during the day that’s a bit more specific. I’d look for clubs / groups that meet during the day since women there are more likely to be around when you are.

Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 10:05

EmpressaurusKitty that is true about doing clubs during the day. I would be happy for day and night friends. Happy with either lol
I will try join more clubs.

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Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 10:06

skippy67 I know i totally agree. I will try and put myself out there and join clubs.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 06/12/2025 10:10

Get yourself to an outdoor swimming place! The lake near me is the friendliest most welcoming and inclusive place I know. I go on my own most weeks (cos my friends wimp out in the winter 😂), they have fires where people sit and chat and share cake with strangers, will welcome anyone into the huddles to warm up and chat, often discuss social plans and things they are going to and throw general invites open to all.
I don’t personally get involved too much in any of this but it’s open to all who wish to and I always recommend it to anyone local if they are looking for a social starter.
Although I will say if you haven’t swam in very cold water before now maybe best wait until the spring.

Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 11:45

TheChosenTwo this is a thing where I life just not sure if I could manage to do it ! Haha maybe get myself a wetsuit and wait til spring lol
Thanks for making me think about that. X

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TheChosenTwo · 06/12/2025 12:25

@Happypup17 I’d really encourage you to give it a go.
Lots of people are in wetsuits now, and boots and gloves. I just go in my swimming costume and don’t stay in long because it’s way too cold for me to swim distance now!!
Check out your local place, ours is fantastic and has a shop that will let you hire things to try first before committing to buying them including wetsuits, googles, gloves and boots.

Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 12:28

@TheChosenTwo that's a good plan. I will maybe do that in spring !

OP posts:
Friendlyfart · 06/12/2025 12:38

Agree that you have to put yourself out there. I'm in my 50s and am lucky I have a handful of friends from my teenage years still and I see them pretty regularly (although they're not all friends with each other, they know each other). Some I WhatsApp and see regularly, others I just meet up with every few months. Everyone is busy with their lives (work, family etc).

I also made friends through a couple of jobs and have kept in touch.
Mum friends from school etc were great when DCs were in school but have lost touch with most of them now bar a couple.

I am also in a small book club (I tried a bigger one but it seems the meetings have been put on hold for now but that would be a good way of meeting people - I sort of joined for that reason). I am also looking to volunteer at some point, but it's like applying for a job for a couple of hours a week.

Even though I do have friends, I have never had a 'big' friendship group of a few women who all go out together. TBh not many people I know do have that so mabye it's an FB thing?

A few ladies I know do the cold water swimming thing but it's really not for me, although I can see that it could be very social.