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Original poster

How to make friends age 40

37 replies

Happypup17 · 05/12/2025 21:57

I live away from family . I have kids and I am happily married. We don't socialise with friends as a couple. I don't really have a good close friend. I see other people out with friends all the time. What am I doing wrong ? 😔 Makes me sad and lonely.

OP posts:
Allthegoodonesareg0ne · 06/12/2025 14:14

Have a look and see if there is a ladies circle near you. They were a godsend to me when I moved to a new area as a young mum.
They are only up to age 45 but they have a follow on club for 45+. Plenty of opportunities with them for the things you enjoy and the local circle determines their own events programme so you'll get an input.
I know there are some WI groups with a similar vibe but personally I really got a lot out of circle.

Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 14:17

@Friendlyfart I know it could be a face book thing. I do see alot of people together like out for a coffee together or out for walks . I would just love that. To have a friend that's just me and them. I had it when I was younger. Had an amazing best friend but as I moved away from home quite a few years ago we don't keep InTouch that much . I think because I had great friends growing up and now not having them as close that's what making me feel lonely.

OP posts:
Peny91 · 06/12/2025 14:40

You’re definitely not alone with this, most of my friends I made in my teens and twenties and live quite far away, family also live some distance away. I moved to where I live now in my mid 30s and did make a few new friends but most of them have since moved away.
Now in my 40s people seem reluctant to make friends as those the same age at work, the school gates etc already have their established friendship groups and the girls in their 20s and 30s at work are friendly at work/ school parties etc but unsurprisingly feel more of a connection with those their own age, even those of us who both have small children etc. Having small children it’s difficult to connect up with friends who live a distance away. I’m fine with it and so still have some very good friends and we message regularly etc and meet up when we can but feel sorry for my children that they don’t really have many people we mix with outside of school. Same
for DH, he had lots of friends in his 20s but have dwindled away due to relocations etc

Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 15:52

@Allthegoodonesareg0ne I will have a look for local groups. Thanks so much.

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 06/12/2025 15:55

Find a social hobby. Make friends at work. Join a run club, a ramblers or some sort of social exercise group.

you have to make the fist move invite people who get on well either out for coffee or to something where you have a chat, puzzle or game cafe

Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 15:58

@Peny91 You’re definitely not alone with this, most of my friends I made in my teens and twenties and live quite far away, family also live some distance away. I moved to where I live now in my mid 30s and did make a few new friends but most of them have since moved away.
Now in my 40s people seem reluctant to make friends as those the same age at work, the school gates etc already have their established friendship groups and the girls in their 20s and 30s at work are friendly at work/ school parties etc but unsurprisingly feel more of a connection with those their own age, even those of us who both have small children etc. Having small children it’s difficult to connect up with friends who live a distance away. I’m fine with it and so still have some very good friends and we message regularly etc and meet up when we can but feel sorry for my children that they don’t really have many people we mix with outside of school. Same
for DH, he had lots of friends in his 20s but have dwindled away due to relocations etc

We are the same. My kids don't have many people to socialise with either.
Would love to socialise as a couple and with couples that have kids it's tough. My husband isn't bothered about meeting up with couples which makes it harder. People I have as friends now have other friends they are closer with so you always feel like the one on the outside of the circle. Being a big person it hard. :-(

OP posts:
Allthegoodonesareg0ne · 06/12/2025 15:58

Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 15:52

@Allthegoodonesareg0ne I will have a look for local groups. Thanks so much.

I'm not a member anymore but if you'd like to pm me what area your in I'd happily point you to your nearest.
It gave me a routine social life and I've made some really close friends that I'll keep for life

beAsensible1 · 06/12/2025 15:58

you also have to say yes and not flake even when you can’t be arsed.

im Quite social and get a lot of fulfillment from friends but am not a big phone call person. So I make the effort to always go to outings and birthdays and parties and dancing and dinner.

make the effort even for boring or weird things. Say yes to last minute outings, plan things

Mary46 · 06/12/2025 16:00

It is hard agree. Im 50s. Small group of friends. Found people flaky after covid just happy to stay in. Sport is good too my dd is 20 has good group through her camogie and football. I met 2 through walking we still catch up.

Peny91 · 06/12/2025 16:49

Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 15:58

@Peny91 You’re definitely not alone with this, most of my friends I made in my teens and twenties and live quite far away, family also live some distance away. I moved to where I live now in my mid 30s and did make a few new friends but most of them have since moved away.
Now in my 40s people seem reluctant to make friends as those the same age at work, the school gates etc already have their established friendship groups and the girls in their 20s and 30s at work are friendly at work/ school parties etc but unsurprisingly feel more of a connection with those their own age, even those of us who both have small children etc. Having small children it’s difficult to connect up with friends who live a distance away. I’m fine with it and so still have some very good friends and we message regularly etc and meet up when we can but feel sorry for my children that they don’t really have many people we mix with outside of school. Same
for DH, he had lots of friends in his 20s but have dwindled away due to relocations etc

We are the same. My kids don't have many people to socialise with either.
Would love to socialise as a couple and with couples that have kids it's tough. My husband isn't bothered about meeting up with couples which makes it harder. People I have as friends now have other friends they are closer with so you always feel like the one on the outside of the circle. Being a big person it hard. :-(

It is such a shame for the kids isn’t it, I’ve got adult DC too and back in my 20s and early 30s as they were growing up we regularly socialised, went to stay with friends and family and had guests over. Sad that our younger ones miss out on all of that just because we’re older parents now and us and our old friends have relocated and our parents:family have grown older/died :(

Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 16:52

@Peny91 I know it's tough.
I am going to try and do more to put myself out there and meet more people. Hopefully.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happypup17 · 06/12/2025 21:38

@beAsensible1 yes that's a good idea. I will be brave and ask people to do stuff.

OP posts:
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