Am I being a complete idiot??

[Mollymolloy]

I met this guy on OLD 7 weeks ago. I have been single for a few years and have done a lot of OLD. I have met some really nice blokes but, no one with any connection.
When I went to meet this guy, I really didn't have much expectation. I was just looking for a nice evening. Anyway, I got there and was instantly attracted to him. The feeling seemed mutual. I really let my guard down and we have seen each other every day since. We really have a lot in common and I really do enjoy spending time with him.
There was a red flag early on. His last long term partner, who he split up with a few months previously, was 22 years younger than him. They, apparently, spilt up because she wanted to get married and have children and he didn't. Last year he helped her freeze her eggs, so you would have thought that they would have split then?

He is 60 and I am 7 years younger than him. However, on his OLD profile, he said that he was 50. To be fair, he could pass for 50 but, even so. When I met him, he had been doing OLD for 6 weeks and I was the first date that he had been on. He did say early on that him and his ex were still friends and that he would always be there for her. There have been a couple of occasions when they have met up because she had post come to the house or she needed some of her stuff from his garage. He really did make such a big deal about it. There is still loads of stuff of hers in his garage so, I presume that this will be a long running saga...
Anyway, he is on FB and yes, his ex is a friend. However, he won't send me a friend request. I happen to know that he is on FB regularly. He has changed his status to 'in a relationship' and made a point of saying that his exs BF had commented. He has also mentioned what is ex has been up to so, he is obviously still taking a keen interest in her.
Also, he has pretty much moved in and has met my friends and family. Which I know, is really stupid. We live 15 mins from each other but, I have not met a single person that he knows. This, with the FB thing, gives me the impression that he is embarrassed to introduce me to them. I accept that I am a 54 year old women who has had kids and his ex was 37 but, I am really hurt and feel stupid.
As an aside, he comes over every evening and I always make dinner. On the few occasions that we go out, I also seem to end up paying...
Strangely, having written this post, I now realise that I am being taken for a mug and am being treated disrespectfully.... anyone got any other thoughts...?

He still wants the ex

Just went into Match .com … his has been active in the last 24 hours. A bullet swerved.
I am relieved but, feel really upset and stupid.

@GlitzAndGigglesx which is selfish as she wants children… !!

That is your answer. Run.

I think you have answered your own dilemma. This man isn't genuine.

Please dont berate yourself.. your instinct was right and you have acted on it.
Deep breath, some chocolate and a glass of wine...
He just wasnt good enough for you.

Good instincts by the way...even if it took a while. Onwards and upwards.

forget the stuff with the ex, everything is waaaaaay to fast.

If this man follows the usual pattern, he will hit you up with a text sometime in the future, to start things up/get some attention etc. Do not reply to him. Don’t see him again. There are better, normal men out there.

Yes, you are being a complete idiot

Sorry 💐

but then smart for ending it / closing it out 🥂🍾

I feel so sorry for the way you have been treated by this despicable man, you obviously were expecting a truthful man who would show you love & respect not a lying sponger who let you pay every time you went out together.
As for his ex GF obsession on FB you are well out of it now, I hope you can find an honest person to get your confidence back .💐

I don’t think my jaw has ever dropped the way it did reading your op. I wanted to grab you by the shoulders and yell “RUN”.

I’m glad to see he ended things when you bc asked him for space - I bet he did that to frighten you into begging him to stay… and if you didn’t it told him you wouldn’t accept his crap so he moves on.

More red flags than the Russian army on May day in Moscow.

Honestly OP he’s a liar , a freeloader and probably a cheat. 7 weeks and you’re this intense - love bomb alert!!!

Im a similar age OP and OLD is full of these creeps claiming yo want a relationship but really looking for a nurse with a purse and a shag.

It’s better being single than bring mugged off by a complete twat.

Don’t be hard on yourself. It’s hard to gauge things at the beginning of a relationship that really seems promising. If they want to see you a lot, in those early days that must feel exciting, it’s easy to get caught up with it and not know when to put the brakes on. But you got there in the end and 7 weeks isn’t that long.

Chalk it up to experience and make sure you steer new relationships in future.

He lied about his age.
He’s way too invested in his ex.
He never pays for meals out.
He’s always at your house. Every day (and night presumably). After only 7 weeks.

You are giving him unlimited free food and sex and are questioning any of the lies he’s told you. You are also not asking him any of the questions one should be asking if you move in together (finances, responsibilities, mortgages, bills etc). You havn’t set any boundaries about how much he talks about his ex.
sorry op, you are a cocklodger and yes, you are being taken for a ride.
He needs to move out now. The relationship is not necessarily over, but you need to have some serious conversations.

Aww don't feel stupid. Many of us have rushed into something and let our hearts rule our head. Glad you stood up to him, block and move on. And I say this with kindness maybe take a bit of time to yourself before rushing into dating. It's very hard after an abusive relationship. But feel proud you had the wherewithal to spot the red flags and call it

Cool off. Fast.
Get busy.

NEXT!!!

Thanks very much everyone. I was completely blindsided… never again…. 🙈

I’ll continue reading but wanted to check in with you on this post.

as a former escapee of an abusive relationship I can tell you that instantly connecting, feeing comfortable and letting your barriers down? BAD SIGN!

if you’re feeling comfortable, it’s because you’re connecting with your experience with your ex on some level.

i think you’re seeing him for who he is now, so be decisive and end it. Immediately

use his losing his shit as the excuse, and say you are done. Mean it.

phew! Lucky escape

and remember, this isn’t your fault, it’s a vulnerability you have small vestiges of that he’s drawn to. Fix this, you’ll be in a far better place to repel potential abusers in future.

I want you to take a moment to recognise that YOU worked this out all by yourself in this process of writing the op. So you are a whole lot stronger than you were, you’re so close to losing that vulnerability, in fact this process may have been the catalyst for this.

well done! Onwards and upwards. The right man for you is out there, and you’re worth it. You’ll know when you see it. It’ll feel different, but you’ll get the reassurance you need some how. Go SLOW…

No love, you’re only stupid if you carried on with this situation

you spotted him! Well done.

you’re amazing. You did it!

Are you completely stupid?

Apologies
just read the latest

@MzHz Thank you very much, I really appreciate it. It was such a weird situation. I suppose the fact that I asked for some space and he just ended it with no explanation and was so cold when he picked his stuff up would suggest that he knows that he has been rumbled?! That is the only explanation that I can come up with.
How could he have been so fake and insincere? I am usually a good judge of character. It has really made me doubt myself and mistrust everyone..