Page 2 | On the verge of cheating

BeenThereAlready · 05/12/2025 11:44

Please have some decency. Speak to your husband and tell him what you are feeling and thinking of doing BEFORE you cause trauma. Please for the sake of yourself and for your husband. Get a divorce or separate before you do anything stupid. You WILL regret it for the rest of your life.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 05/12/2025 11:46

Looks like the OP has sobered up and decided against replying 😂

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 05/12/2025 15:23

You need to end your marriage if you don’t want to be in that relationship any more.

If you do still want to be married, do not allow yourself to give this man any more of your head space.

Bettycha · 05/12/2025 15:30

Don't do it.

As someone who was in this exact same position years ago and around the same age and circumstances, just don't do it.

I ruined everyone's life that I loved and the guilt that I still feel years later is all consuming.

You're in a solid relationship, as was I - work on that or separate and be single but don't be romanticising whatever you think this is.

The temporary high just wont be worth it.

LittleMi55Nobody · 05/12/2025 15:54

lostcamel · 04/12/2025 23:08

Not going into details, but, after being married for 20y and still being in a solid, albeit not very affectionate relationship, I have met a man through work a few months back and felt such a connection that I am frightened to meet him face to face again! I can’t explain the feeling other than that he is my spiritual twin. It is not sexual attraction only, it’s something deeper. I absolutely know he is THE ONE for me.
Some meet up has been arranged for the next Saturday with work colleagues and I am frightened to go there- because of what might happen. He is single.
I am almost 50, he is 52. Not spring chickens. I will probably not go come next w/end, but I know I will regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t.

so youre lusting after a man who hasnt shown any interest to you...you just feel a "connection"....saying goes....no fool like an old fool

outerspacepotato · 05/12/2025 16:03

I absolutely know he is THE ONE for me.

No you don't. You don't even know this guy but you're trying to romanticize this into some twin flame woo.

🙄

You met someone who you have a chemical response to. Big deal. If you want to throw away a 20 year marriage for a guy you don't even know, you need therapy.

Get therapy, end your solid marriage, them chase the fanny gallops, and see where you end up.

Cynic17 · 05/12/2025 16:06

There is no such thing as a "spiritual twin", FFS.
You can have a fling/affair/whatever if you like, but don't dress it up as something that it isn't...... it's a mixture of boredom and lust.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 05/12/2025 16:57

If you have kids together, you won’t be just betraying your husband but your children too.
This would blow apart their lives.

Original poster

lostcamel · 05/12/2025 17:12

Thanks Everyone for helping me to get my head straight! I wasn’t tipsy when I wrote my OP. I have had multiple interactions with the man at work, we were working in one office for 3 weeks and he has asked me out twice- I have declined both times. I said he felt like my spiritual twin, as we spoke quite a bit and I found out loads about him and realised, we were very similar, liked similar things, hobbies, music…even had similar tastes when we were young. I don’t know how else to describe the feeling when I am next to him- just like coming home to a lit fire and a warm mug of cocoa.
This is not a Iust. I don’t think it is.
Will talk to DH tonight. Not sure about that and not sure what to say to him, as will be definitely called ‘crazy’ for not being happy with him.

OP posts:

outerspacepotato · 05/12/2025 17:20

Girl.

What kind of man asks out a married woman?

Hint. It's not a guy with a good character. He's cool with cheating.

You don't know him and it sounds like he's spinning you a line so he can have sex with you.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 05/12/2025 17:22

lostcamel · 05/12/2025 17:12

Thanks Everyone for helping me to get my head straight! I wasn’t tipsy when I wrote my OP. I have had multiple interactions with the man at work, we were working in one office for 3 weeks and he has asked me out twice- I have declined both times. I said he felt like my spiritual twin, as we spoke quite a bit and I found out loads about him and realised, we were very similar, liked similar things, hobbies, music…even had similar tastes when we were young. I don’t know how else to describe the feeling when I am next to him- just like coming home to a lit fire and a warm mug of cocoa.
This is not a Iust. I don’t think it is.
Will talk to DH tonight. Not sure about that and not sure what to say to him, as will be definitely called ‘crazy’ for not being happy with him.

Oh dear

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 05/12/2025 17:26

He’s a single, Mr Perfect at the age of 52 who asks married women out on dates?

Come on, OP. Wake up.

outerspacepotato · 05/12/2025 17:29

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 05/12/2025 17:26

He’s a single, Mr Perfect at the age of 52 who asks married women out on dates?

Come on, OP. Wake up.

And he shits where he works too.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/12/2025 17:32

Tell your husband tonight that you’ve met someone better and you want a divorce. Then it won’t be cheating, you and the new man can sail off into the sunset and it’ll all be unicorns and rainbows.

CamillaMcCauley · 05/12/2025 17:40

The more you write, the more he sounds like a devious character. It’s very common for narcissists and conmen to seem like your perfect match initially as they mirror your interests and values in order to secure your interest and make it seem like you have a special connection.

Anyone who actively pursues a married person is not to be trusted so unless you have hidden the fact that you are married from him, this is a giant red flag. It can feel flattering to think that you are so irresistible to someone that they don’t care you are already in a relationship, but it’s an extremely poor reflection on their character.

Kidsgotothatschool · 05/12/2025 17:41

52 and asking a married woman out!!!!

The red flags are waving right in your face!

He’s actually giving me major creepy vibes.

Next you’ll be telling us he’s married, but it’s sexless and he’s only staying for the children!!!!

Gazelda · 05/12/2025 17:45

You met him a few months ago. Surely you’re not going to end your marriage over him? Break your husband’s heart. Change your life forever. I can’t believe anyone would be that reckless.

if you were previously unhappy, then I’d understand. But you weren’t. I’m incredulous that you’re writing about this so calmly.

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 05/12/2025 17:58

Christ, don’t tell your husband! Currently, there is nothing to tell, keep it that way. Avoid this chancer (I hate to break it to you but decent men do not pursue married women, he is looking for an ego boost, nothing more) and invest your energy into your DH. It’s a crush, it will pass. In a few months you will look at this sleeze ball and wonder what on earth you were thinking! Do not blow up your life over this.

Luckyingame · 05/12/2025 18:08

Showerflowers · 05/12/2025 08:12

You’re just bored op

Yes, this.
I'm 46, also 20 years married, been there.
Absolutely not worth while.

Ayeyadoeh · 05/12/2025 18:15

So...name changed for this.

Same situation as you, 20year relationship, solid but stale, affectionate but missing something. I met someone and we had sex, it was a weekend fling and it was only ever going to be that, and only will ever be that. It was great fun and I really enjoyed it. And overall I'm happier in my marriage for it.

However, I do feel guilty, I'm said at how hurt DH would be if I he ever found out and I am worried about my relationship imploding if DH ever found out, and I don't want that.

I don't regret it but I wouldn't do it again.

In your case I would be worried you wouldn't be able to keep it to a one time thing and that is a much, much bigger issue.

TwilightSky · 05/12/2025 20:00

Ayeyadoeh · 05/12/2025 18:15

So...name changed for this.

Same situation as you, 20year relationship, solid but stale, affectionate but missing something. I met someone and we had sex, it was a weekend fling and it was only ever going to be that, and only will ever be that. It was great fun and I really enjoyed it. And overall I'm happier in my marriage for it.

However, I do feel guilty, I'm said at how hurt DH would be if I he ever found out and I am worried about my relationship imploding if DH ever found out, and I don't want that.

I don't regret it but I wouldn't do it again.

In your case I would be worried you wouldn't be able to keep it to a one time thing and that is a much, much bigger issue.

Yes you will, next time you get bored. If you don't have the strength to be faithful and have already committed to the bs in your head that its made your marriage happier (because you are temporarily happier) then you will do it again once that fades and you get bored again. It amazes me how well cheaters are at justifying their actions in their own heads, to the point they are happy to air it on the internet.
I know you will get defensive about this and it may take 1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years before you do it again, but I can tell you will do it again. Leave him first, please.

Ayeyadoeh · 05/12/2025 20:09

TwilightSky · 05/12/2025 20:00

Yes you will, next time you get bored. If you don't have the strength to be faithful and have already committed to the bs in your head that its made your marriage happier (because you are temporarily happier) then you will do it again once that fades and you get bored again. It amazes me how well cheaters are at justifying their actions in their own heads, to the point they are happy to air it on the internet.
I know you will get defensive about this and it may take 1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years before you do it again, but I can tell you will do it again. Leave him first, please.

Show quote history

Why would I get defensive?

I'm happier in my marriage (because I'm happier) not my marriage is happier, subtle but important difference.

And I meant I wouldn't do it again, as in is advise against it (doing it in the first place), rather than I won't do it again now I've done it. I'm well aware that once a person has cheated they're much more likely to do it again. And yeah, I have no intention of currently but it is likely to happen again.

We will separate eventually, just not yet.

MoominMai · 05/12/2025 20:36

@lostcamel how can you possibly definitely know this other man is ‘the one’?! You barely know him other than he’s asked you out twice so I’m assuming that the first time you told him you’re married and yet he’s persisting? Not a great sign of character. Also the fact you like the same things is neither here nor there. It doesn’t stop people being incompatible down the line.

You’re over romanticising what’s likely happening which is as others have said you’re bored. I don’t know why you’re not prioritising working on the issues in your marriage first as it’s possible counselling could help. Surely you owe it to your LT oblivious partner 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 05/12/2025 20:38

Ayeyadoeh · 05/12/2025 20:09

Why would I get defensive?

I'm happier in my marriage (because I'm happier) not my marriage is happier, subtle but important difference.

And I meant I wouldn't do it again, as in is advise against it (doing it in the first place), rather than I won't do it again now I've done it. I'm well aware that once a person has cheated they're much more likely to do it again. And yeah, I have no intention of currently but it is likely to happen again.

We will separate eventually, just not yet.

Show quote history

Well, you NC, so you don’t really want people to know. Maybe that’s why you might be defensive? But other than that? Wow. I don’t know why I’m surprised because people really can always find a way to justify anything.

nietzscheanvibe · 05/12/2025 21:00

lostcamel · 05/12/2025 17:12

Thanks Everyone for helping me to get my head straight! I wasn’t tipsy when I wrote my OP. I have had multiple interactions with the man at work, we were working in one office for 3 weeks and he has asked me out twice- I have declined both times. I said he felt like my spiritual twin, as we spoke quite a bit and I found out loads about him and realised, we were very similar, liked similar things, hobbies, music…even had similar tastes when we were young. I don’t know how else to describe the feeling when I am next to him- just like coming home to a lit fire and a warm mug of cocoa.
This is not a Iust. I don’t think it is.
Will talk to DH tonight. Not sure about that and not sure what to say to him, as will be definitely called ‘crazy’ for not being happy with him.

He's not your "spiritual twin", unless you're also a morally bankrupt scumbag who'd try to shag someone else's spouse. HTH.