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Original poster

Could he be cheating while working away

32 replies

Ella3554 · 04/12/2025 07:46

DH has started a new job where he sometimes works away, 2 hours away. Stays in a hotel, works outdoors doing roadworks, does day shift then straight into an evening / night shift.
He’s worked away probably three times now, each time has been a few days in a row. I’ve noticed a pattern now that whenever he works away, he takes his shaver and has a shave. He’s bald and has a beard, for a while now he doesn’t bother keeping his head or beard tidy, doesn’t shave when he’s home but since working away, he shaves in the hotel. He says he likes to take advantage of the nice bathroom and shower, and he’s easier to do it there. The reason I question it is because He used to always shave when he first met me. Is that suspicious he only takes care of of his appearance while he’s working away

OP posts:
whitewinefriday · 04/12/2025 07:49

If you trust him, this is of no consequence. But it sounds like you don’t?

Original poster
Ella3554 · 04/12/2025 08:51

I see what you mean.
Theres a history of texting a woman, but not physical so a element of not trusting may be there. I wondered if I was going mad having these feelings

OP posts:
Soonenough · 04/12/2025 08:54

Trust your gut. He has already proven to have no trouble betraying you . Now he has even better opportunities. Just be alert for other signs.

Original poster
Ella3554 · 04/12/2025 08:59

My gut tells me something isn’t right. If he normally took care of his appearance I wouldn’t question it. But day to day he doesn’t bother, only seems to lately since he’s been working away.

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 04/12/2025 09:01

With my husband I wouldn't consider this a concern because he's never given me reason not to trust him. Hotel bathroom mirrors are actually the best to be fair.

Yours not so much though. If he's already happily betrayed you by texting another woman, he's shown the cut of his cloth right there.

Lillibridge · 04/12/2025 09:03

Does he have any history of infidelity?

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 04/12/2025 09:05

He knows your bar is low.
Raise it and get rid. Texting other women? Dh would be packing his stuff...

Bookpage · 04/12/2025 09:07

whitewinefriday · 04/12/2025 07:49

If you trust him, this is of no consequence. But it sounds like you don’t?

I think that's a bit blasé. OP can trust her DH but still be open to seeing when something might not be right. Being anything else is naive.

Starlight1984 · 04/12/2025 09:08

Is that suspicious he only takes care of of his appearance while he’s working away

Not really. I only put make up on and do my hair when I'm going to the office because it looks more professional than my usual bare-faced / unkempt look.

However I've just read your dripfeed other post which says he's been found to be texting another woman so yeah, that's probably more of a red flag than him trimming his beard.

Original poster
Ella3554 · 04/12/2025 09:15

The text was years ago and we got through that. He’s open with his phone since so I stayed and tried to regain trust for the sake of the family. I’ve not felt the need to question him at all since until this thing recently it made me question him.

OP posts:
CheeseIsMyIdol · 04/12/2025 09:26

Two hours isn’t far. Can someone watch your kids overnight? You could show up at the hotel unannounced.

Or just suggest you come along to make a getaway of it, and see how he reacts.

FWIW, though, I do the same when traveling for business or pleasure. Take diy spa products, pedicure supplies, masques, bath stuff, etc. and enjoy the hotel robes, fluffy towels, copious hot water and big clean bed & bathroom to do pampering & grooming that I have less time for at home.

Largestlegocollectionever · 04/12/2025 09:29

Can you track his spending?
Could he be paying for someone when staying at the hotel as opposed to an affair?

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 04/12/2025 09:52

I shave about twice a month, and work away from home for a couple of days once a month.

I will always take the opportunity to have a shave when I'm away, for two reasons.

  1. It's not my bathroom, it's getting cleaned anyway when I leave, so if I neglect to clean the odd stray hair, then DP isn't going to complain at me about it later.
  2. I'm so BORED! There's only so much sitting in the bar with colleagues, reading my book, or watching rubbish on TV I can do. There's a million better things than shaving I could be doing at home, so why not do it when I'm stuck in a hotel twiddling my thumbs.

On its own, this seems like very scant evidence of cheating OP.

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 04/12/2025 09:58

If I was away from home I would take a bit of time to look after myself better.

I'd shave everywhere, do a hair treatment and put a bit of cream on my otherwise flaky skin.

Just saying op, but of course you know your history.

Original poster
Ella3554 · 04/12/2025 10:08

He did mention shaving at the hotel is easier because he doesn’t have to clean it up. He’s messy anyway and doesn’t clean, so that could be a valuable reason.

OP posts:
CheeseIsMyIdol · 04/12/2025 10:19

I hope he’s not leaving his hair for the staff to clean up.

Original poster
Ella3554 · 04/12/2025 10:28

He pretty much said what @VimesandhisCardboardBoots said , those were his exact reasons. He has spare time and can be messy. I do nag him about cleaning up after himself at home

OP posts:
PauliesWalnuts · 04/12/2025 11:18

If he’s doing long roadwork shifts (and sounds like anti social hours too) would he even have the time to meet anyone? Not trying to take the mick but it sounds like he’s just having his own bliss hour or pamper session whilst he’s got a bit of peace and quiet.

Original poster
Ella3554 · 04/12/2025 11:53

His shift would be 8am on site, work until 4/5pm then back to the hotel, grab some dinner then straight back out for the night shift, finishing around 9/10/11pm. Straight to bed then back up at 6/7am.

OP posts:
SunnySideUp30Plus · 04/12/2025 12:12

When you know something isn't right, something isn't right. My ex husband did the same, shaved his entire body before work trips, literally balls and all. I didn't think anything of it until everything came out in the end. Good luck honey, trust yourself and have the hard conversation 🩷

hazeleyess · 04/12/2025 12:19

Who betrays you once, will betray you a thousand times. There is no need to drink the whole sea to realise that it's salty.

Original poster
Ella3554 · 04/12/2025 12:30

That’s the thing, I know from loads of MN posts that shaving can be a sign of cheating. So he’s not shaving before he starts work, it’s the spare time before his night shift begins. But I’m sat thinking why isn’t be bothered about shaving when he’s at home , with me. He does get a few hours spare in the evening at home but he just can’t be bothered he says. And as I say it’s a new pattern I’ve noticed

OP posts:
Soonenough · 04/12/2025 16:05

Mine started taking better care if himself . New clothes that were totally too young for him 😂. Saw mens moisturer in the bathroom too. Ha ha . Little did I know he was trying to make himself more appealing. I only ever got the snoring slobby bastard .

Original poster
Ella3554 · 04/12/2025 17:05

yeah that’s the thing I feel like he’s trying to make himself look more appealing while he’s away. It literally could be innocent, but it just seems like a pattern now. I don’t know what else I could look for

OP posts:
Wrenjay · 04/12/2025 17:11

These could be signs. When my H was having an EA my friend saw the difference and said something to him.