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Original poster

Slept with a married man.

44 replies

onlinedatingscrewup · 03/12/2025 16:07

Basically the above. Happened twice. I’ve put a stop to it and no longer see him. Something he said to me was bothersome.

he said he wouldn’t ever be faithful to his wife. That they’re no longer intimate and have a friendly relationship basically for the kids, and that they won’t divorce for their sake. Marriage isn’t open and she isn’t aware of what he’s doing.

would you want to know if your husband was cheating?

OP posts:
divorcinganabsolutewanker · 03/12/2025 16:11

Just leave it.

What a shitty thing to do, the pair of you.

VVM · 03/12/2025 16:20

Yes I’d want to know and for all you know he’s lying about what their relationship is actually like, not intimate etc.
My daughters dad cheated on me countless times including all throughout my pregnancy, he had some of these women on his social media and swore that the ones I had on my radar of knowing about where all from the past and they knew he was in a relationship with a baby now. I ended up messaging one of them and she had an entirely different story to tell that she did not know about me or our daughter who was 12 weeks at the time, the last time he had slept with her was in June and our daughter was born in July. He’d also been messaging her in September trying to meet. It was also at this time he had met another woman from social media slept with her and only told me about it as he was showing symptoms of an sti. We got tested and he’d given me Mgen. Never heard of this before but he did after catching it years before too. In your case his wife absolutely deserves to know if for anything to protect herself from diseases.

PollyPlumPeach · 03/12/2025 16:24

He shouldn't have cheated on his wife. You shouldn't have slept with a married man, especially someone so unimaginative that they trot out all the tired old cliches (we're not intimate any more, just staying friends for the sake of the kids - I bet he said they more like brother and sister now etc).

No point getting any further involved. Leave and block. Telling his wife would not make you feel any better about the situation, and as much as you may try to tell yourself that it is altruistic in some way because she has a right to know, deep down you know it is just a scorched earth strategy to ruin both of their lives.

Dweetfidilove · 03/12/2025 16:53

He sounds rank. It's bad enough he's sleeping around, but speaking so poorly of his wife adds an extra layer of nastiness.

Move on with your life and work on not doing this again. You deserve much better than you're accepting presently.

Hedgehogx · 03/12/2025 17:09

I`ve slept with married men but i didnt no at the time.
Oh well.
Op just leave it and stay away you had fun leave it at that.

MaggiesShadow · 03/12/2025 17:12

I was ready to sympathise if you didn't know he was married but...wow. You slept with him again?

I would want to know. But I do question your motivation. Do you want to tell her because you're pissed off with him or because you grew a conscience?

FateAmenableToChange · 03/12/2025 17:16

Yes I would want to know

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 03/12/2025 17:23

I think the vast majority of people would want to know if they were being cheated on

ComfortFoodCafe · 03/12/2025 17:31

Just leave it alone and stop shagging married men. Your just as much the problem sweetie.

AnonymouseDad · 03/12/2025 17:40

My wife cheated on me and told her affair partner basically the same thing.
Are you that nieve to believe it? Would you expect him to have said i have a great marriage but I want more on the side?

Honestly, from being on the other side. What you did is awful, hurtful and shallow. And that they have kids just makes yours and his actions just so much worse.

The one thing you can do to claw back some sense of conscience is to talk to the wife as he has said he is never going to be faithful. He is opening her up to potential STD's and she deserves to know who she is married to. I would have wanted to know.

It will be tough. She will hate you. But it is the only right choice you have. And if you dont. Any future infection or suffering is on your hands too.

Humanswarm · 03/12/2025 17:50

Why are you worried about his wife now you know he's slept with others? Did you realise you weren't that special and want to overload some of your own hurt elsewhere? Cruel. And telling her won't make you any better than him.

Coconutter24 · 03/12/2025 17:54

Did you know he was married before you slept with him or did you find out after?

Franklyannoyed · 03/12/2025 17:55

Wow, you need to raise your standards.

MushMonster · 03/12/2025 17:56

Honestly, it is always the same story!
All these men in marriages with no love, no intimacy...
But lots of children....
Hummmm..
It is a no brainer OP.

You are plain stupid for having anything to do with a man you know is married!

Just leave his wife in peace and focus on getting your own shit together!

Growlybear83 · 03/12/2025 17:57

of course I would want to know if my husband was cheating. If the woman who he was shagging knew he was married I would despise her just as much as him, and I would make sure they both came to regret what they had done.

MouseCheese87 · 03/12/2025 17:58

Yes I'd want to know, to protect my sexual health. Once people start shagging about there's the potential for all kinds of nasties being spread around. I'd not want to go near his dick that he'd been sticking in you.

socks1107 · 03/12/2025 18:04

I’d want to know to look after myself in case of sdt’s. I wish had known all those years ago to be honest.
you should get yourself checked too, who knows where he’s been

VoodooQualities · 03/12/2025 19:38

The poor man, I think we should all take a moment to have some empathy, imagine how awful that must be, having a heartless, frigid wife and having no option but to fall into the arms of another woman.

Not really, he's a bad man and you're not much better to be honest, cut your losses and see if you can stick to men who aren't taken in future, sexless marriage or otherwise.

TwistedWonder · 03/12/2025 21:14

Growlybear83 · 03/12/2025 17:57

of course I would want to know if my husband was cheating. If the woman who he was shagging knew he was married I would despise her just as much as him, and I would make sure they both came to regret what they had done.

100% this. Vile. grubby disgusting pair of scum bags

Funny how shagging a married man wasn’t an issue for the OP until she realised she’d just a notch on his bedpost and not special,

Ilovegolf · 03/12/2025 21:19

You are asking the wrong questions op. It’s blatantly obvious that he is a colossal shit head. The question to ask is why on earth you would want to sleep with a colossal shithead. Twice?

Allthegoodonesareg0ne · 03/12/2025 21:28

Why are you so concerned with his wife and whether or not she'd want to know now, after you've slept with him twice knowing that he was married?!

Where was your concern for her before you jumped into bed with her husband? I suppose now he's hurt your feelings you'd like to get back at him and you want to know if you can justify making his wife's life collateral damage..

They all trot out this same rubbish about their wives. You know its almost certainly a lie unless you've been living under a rock. What a catch you found there..

BeQuirkyMintScroller · 03/12/2025 22:51

Most women would want to know if their husband was being unfaithful.

It never usually ends well for the messenger though. Whether the messenger is the affair partner or someone else who knows.

YodasHairyButt · 03/12/2025 22:53

Yes I’d want to know. He’s a vile selfish liar and you fell for his bullshit. Raise your standards.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/12/2025 22:54

You’re as bad as each other.

Going forward, have a bit of self-respect.

Bungle2168 · 03/12/2025 22:56

onlinedatingscrewup · 03/12/2025 16:07

Basically the above. Happened twice. I’ve put a stop to it and no longer see him. Something he said to me was bothersome.

he said he wouldn’t ever be faithful to his wife. That they’re no longer intimate and have a friendly relationship basically for the kids, and that they won’t divorce for their sake. Marriage isn’t open and she isn’t aware of what he’s doing.

would you want to know if your husband was cheating?

You have done enough mischief already. Stop shit stirring.