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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why is he so mad with me?

42 replies

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:40

my husband seems to always be angry with me over little things, for example if I havent put a light out he will say “put the f** light how how hard is it” he calls me difficult, asks what shit I have bought if a parcel comes, has a nasty tone whenever I ask questions and makes a face that makes me anxious and just shouts what if I ask anything basically. He works abroad a lot and makes heaps of money but still makes me ask a lot of times for money for bills. Feel like Im walking on egg shells. He is always on his phone watching videos (not having affair just watching videos constantly) no good conversation to have. Mostly just lies on the couch and doesnt play much with our child. He does work hard and deserves a chill. Just feel like everything I do pisses him off. Im to close to him in bed or I wont open the window, I’ve put something in the wrong cupboard, I’ve not bought the correct milk ext. Don’t know what to do😔

OP posts:

TomatoSandwiches · 02/12/2025 19:41

He has contempt for you, there is no love here. I would not take treatment like that from anyone and neither should you.

LapisBlue · 02/12/2025 19:43

You're being seriously abused. He won't change. You must leave. Don't be me; it took me far too long to end things.

Zempy · 02/12/2025 19:46

He despises you.

What your housing/work/financial situation?

Do you have DC witnessing this shitshow?

glendabrownlow · 02/12/2025 19:48

You need to make plans to leave. Start by making an appointment with a solicitor, and don't mention this to your husband.

Original poster

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:48

Living in my family’s second home not in my name but I will inherit. I work and have enough money. He is really nice to our 3 year old.

OP posts:

Donttellempike · 02/12/2025 19:48

You need to end this OP. He dislikes you. And there’s no coming back from that.

You deserve much much better than this abuse

Original poster

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:50

Feel like Im the problem and maybe I don’t listen like he says always “you never listen whats the point saying anything” and says I always just think about my point of view and that Im selfish

OP posts:

usedtobeaylis · 02/12/2025 19:52

You're not the problem and in your heart you know that. You don't have to live like this.

Brentinger · 02/12/2025 19:53

I'm so sorry to hear this. No-one deserves to be treated like that or spoken to so badly, even someone you hate!

Please know that you are absolutely not the problem; he is. I hope your son isn't in earshot of what he says. Definitely call your husband out if ever it happens in from of him.

GTGGD · 02/12/2025 19:53

I once heard someone say calling someone selfish is a very good way of controlling them. The more I thought about it the more I agreed.

ItsDarkNow · 02/12/2025 19:53

He is emotionally abusing you. And by extension he is abusing your 3 year old.

Lovelynames123 · 02/12/2025 19:55

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:50

Feel like Im the problem and maybe I don’t listen like he says always “you never listen whats the point saying anything” and says I always just think about my point of view and that Im selfish

Honestly, it's not you. Keep reading this thread, more people will be along with great advice, life can be much better for you, away from him.

Original poster

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:56

I call him out and he says oh because your so perfect and its always my fault never you ect. I said I was making lasagnea tonight he said he didnt want that and wanted cottage pie - i cooked for an hour and cleaned the kitchen ext after work and when it was ready he didnt even join us to eat it, didnt say thanks and didnt even put his plate away just shouted at me cuz i left the bathroom light on😓

OP posts:

Original poster

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:57

Thanks, just worry about being alone as I don’t have much support network☹️

OP posts:

Donttellempike · 02/12/2025 19:59

HI OP, he speaks to you like dirt. In a loving relationship there will be disagreement and maybe bickering. But not what your describing

This man has no respect or care for you. And you feel as you do because his behavior is destroying your self esteem.

If you stay he will grind you to dust. And your child will suffer too. A child exposed to abuse of their parent like this is being abused.

AmethystDeceiver · 02/12/2025 19:59

He's abusing you because he's an abuser. There's nothing you did that made him like this. There is nothing you can do to make him stop being like this.

Sodthesystem · 02/12/2025 20:03

You lost me at a nasty tone and shouting at you.

Do YOU even remotely like yourself? Because..why are you still married to this fucktwaddle?

The only point to a partner is that they bring joy, warmth and support to your life. This guy literally does the opposite.

Get yourself a good lawyer, figure out what you're due then dump his ass. And it is actually that simple. Because nothing is worse than living with a soul sucking fiend. Except maybe having to raise kids with him.

You think he'd hang around if you treated him like shit? Would he buggary. He's just counting on you to not have enough self respect to leave. Prove him wrong. Women are not rehab for damaged men.

Donttellempike · 02/12/2025 20:04

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:57

Thanks, just worry about being alone as I don’t have much support network☹️

Being alone is absolutely fine. I left a man like the one you describe, and I am so so happy I did

You may as well be living with someone attacking you every minute of the day. And you are in fact are. Except it’s not physical. Yet.

You can leave. And start living. Do it for your child . This childhood will have a terrible impact on your child x

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/12/2025 20:06

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

I would not worry about being alone because you are already alone now in this abusive marriage. Your marriage is over and he is basically projecting his own self onto you. Such men too hate women, all
of them.

He may be nice to your child but he is no decent father to him because you are being abused. In turn your son is being abused too. He cannot afford to keep seeing this abusive model of a relationship.

Do contact Women Aid and use their support too to leave your abuser. You will thank yourself for doing so. Do contact a solicitor and get legal advice re divorce as knowledge is power.

Sodthesystem · 02/12/2025 20:07

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:48

Living in my family’s second home not in my name but I will inherit. I work and have enough money. He is really nice to our 3 year old.

He's not though. Because he treats her mother appalingly.

Nasty men are not good dads.

A man is the role model for all her future male relationships too. If he treats her mum like shit, she will choose men who treat her like shit.

TwistedWonder · 02/12/2025 20:07

Because he’s an abusive cunt who had zero respect for you.

And no good father would treat his child’s mother like shit

TwistedWonder · 02/12/2025 20:09

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:57

Thanks, just worry about being alone as I don’t have much support network☹️

How is being single worse than being abused?

Nearly50omg · 02/12/2025 20:12

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:48

Living in my family’s second home not in my name but I will inherit. I work and have enough money. He is really nice to our 3 year old.

That’s good! Get him out and away from your child! You might think they aren’t being f affected by his behaviour towards you but they are and now the law actually classes this as child abuse - living in an environment with an abusive adult

Sodthesystem · 02/12/2025 20:12

If he was extremely nice to you but treated your daughter like crap would he be a good partner? No, because good people, good partners and good parents don't abuse anybody. And people who love us certainly don't berate and bully people we love or depend on.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/12/2025 20:13

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

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