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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why is he so mad with me?

42 replies

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:40

my husband seems to always be angry with me over little things, for example if I havent put a light out he will say “put the f** light how how hard is it” he calls me difficult, asks what shit I have bought if a parcel comes, has a nasty tone whenever I ask questions and makes a face that makes me anxious and just shouts what if I ask anything basically. He works abroad a lot and makes heaps of money but still makes me ask a lot of times for money for bills. Feel like Im walking on egg shells. He is always on his phone watching videos (not having affair just watching videos constantly) no good conversation to have. Mostly just lies on the couch and doesnt play much with our child. He does work hard and deserves a chill. Just feel like everything I do pisses him off. Im to close to him in bed or I wont open the window, I’ve put something in the wrong cupboard, I’ve not bought the correct milk ext. Don’t know what to do😔

OP posts:

Original poster

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 20:15

He has convinced me that I am the problem and makes me feel like Im useless/hopless and Ive started to believe him. I thought this was normal and that most guys are like this😟

OP posts:

Original poster

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 20:18

He is going to work abroad next month and Im actually happy he is going.

OP posts:

StruggleFlourish · 02/12/2025 20:38

I would be counting the minutes until he's out of the house if I were you, this is no way to live.
You say that every moment that he's in the house you're walking on eggshells, that anything that you do is wrong, that you say he's quite nice to your 3-year-old child but treats you with utter contempt and anger and disrespect constantly.

He may have convinced you that you're the problem but, read all the posts here. Everybody's saying the same thing. You've got low self-esteem, you've been conditioned / gaslighted into believing that everything you do is wrong and you are the problem not him, and he's going to keep you this way until he doesn't want you anymore. You say that you have to stay because he makes lots of money, and because you have a child together, but you really don't.

This is not going to get better, it will only get worse. You don't want to live this way.
It won't be easy without a support network, but there are resources out there

TwistedWonder · 02/12/2025 20:42

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 20:15

He has convinced me that I am the problem and makes me feel like Im useless/hopless and Ive started to believe him. I thought this was normal and that most guys are like this😟

No most men are not like this at all. No one is perfect and they’ve all got their faults but the majority of men are not abusive.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/12/2025 20:47

He targeted you to abuse you. Indeed not all men are like your man, he’s just made you believe this is normal. Please believe us when we tell you it’s not.

If you are in the UK go to a Boots branch and ask for ANI (pronounced Annie). Staff there will direct you to a private booth where you can access domestic violence support services. Use any time he is out to gather documents relating to the finances, bank accounts etc.

Did you see similar at home as a child?.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/12/2025 20:53

Abuse thrives on secrecy so you have indeed taken a small but significant step in writing about this on here. Do reach out to Women’s Aid and a solicitor in your area.

You have a choice re this man and your son does not. You have every right to live a life free of your, and in turn your son’s, abuser.

Sodthesystem · 02/12/2025 21:37

There are lots of crappy guys out there but even if most men were like that why would it mean you'd have to be with one?

It's far lonlier to be with the wrong person than to be single. Let alone with the wrong person who also happens to be a total prat.

There are lots of leachy people in this world who depend on kicking you down in order to feel good about themselves. In order to feed on you. To use you for servitude, sex, resources or simply just to steal your light.

Change is iften scary. But we cannot hope to grow and flourish if the people around us want to chop us down.

You know he's leaving soon. Start making plans so that when he leaves, he doesn't get to come back. If you even need to wait that long. But it might be the easiest time to get free.

RosaMundi27 · 02/12/2025 21:58

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:57

Thanks, just worry about being alone as I don’t have much support network☹️

How could being alone possibly be worse?

Lmnop22 · 02/12/2025 22:01

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:50

Feel like Im the problem and maybe I don’t listen like he says always “you never listen whats the point saying anything” and says I always just think about my point of view and that Im selfish

Classic gaslighting. He’s a dick to you and it’s still your fault.

user1492809438 · 02/12/2025 22:09

Read these replies. Stop making excuses for him, he is horrid and does not love or even like you. Find your self respect and leave.

EarthSight · 02/12/2025 22:09

Your husband hates you.

I totally understand the fear of being alone and not much having a network. I think this is likely why you've got to this position in the first place, but I don't think you can make a big space in your life for positivity when you're around someone like this so often.

considertheravens · 02/12/2025 22:16

He enjoys the power he has over you. He can treat you like crap and know that you will stay with him. He's a nasty bastard and not worth your time.

End your relationship and please do it before you inherit or half of the house will belong to him. You will need it for you and your child if you are able to leave him.

Take care of yourself OP, you deserve so much better

Missj25 · 02/12/2025 22:28

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 19:40

Ah OP , I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this 😔..
When did he start behaving like this ?
He’s not a good person , good people aren’t nasty .
Can you go be your family for Christmas? .
Enjoy Christmas with your son , & then think about your future .x x

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 02/12/2025 22:28

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 20:15

He has convinced me that I am the problem and makes me feel like Im useless/hopless and Ive started to believe him. I thought this was normal and that most guys are like this😟

He is a controlling, abusive, despicable shit and he is brainwashing you into believing that you are the problem.

No, most men are not like this, and it is not your fault. He is truly vile. Oh, and by the way, anyone who abuses a child's mother is also abusing the child.

Please, please don't settle for a miserable life like this.

ForTipsyFinch · 03/12/2025 07:35

To be blunt, he doesn’t like you. He likes what you do for him, and access to you. Please don’t waste your life on this awful man.

Enrichetta · 03/12/2025 07:41

jellycats27 · 02/12/2025 20:18

He is going to work abroad next month and Im actually happy he is going.

Good.

You’ll have time to put your ducks in a row…

Wikivorce
Divorce for Dummies

Dery · 03/12/2025 07:57

He sounds horrible, OP. This is emotional abuse. And he is teaching your child that this is how men treat women. It’s tough but ultimately you would be better off away from this relationship. You don’t have to leave immediately. Take time to take advice and plan.

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