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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trying to see if my coworker likes me

37 replies

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 09:11

I’m trying to gauge whether a coworker of mine is flirting with/likes me.

We’ve known each other for a couple years because we were on the same team but she started working at my job several months ago. We didn’t talk too much on the team, but since we’ve started working together I seem to notice it a lot more.

I remember the first time I noticed something was when she kept reminding me that we worked together later in the day and I jokingly asked her why she had to keep mentioning it and she said she was “Just trying to get me excited” to work later. That could easily be a throwaway comment, but the phrasing was interesting to me. Anyway, over the next couple of weeks following that we started interacting and talking a lot more and I would notice her looking at me a lot at work from far away.

We’ve talked a lot about school, our future job pursuits and our family. We will also talk and complain about work stuff because some of the coworkers are annoying. Also she asked me if I really wanted to study the subject I am majoring in she said it seemed like I didn’t want it. When she said that it really felt like she was invested in me and my interests.

She mostly teases me and we have lots of running gags at this point (she trolls me for drinking too much soda and does the “6-7” meme thing a lot to jokingly annoy me). She also pointed out a small hole in my pants a few weeks ago and said “I just had to embarrass you”. Also I was eating pizza without a plate and she said I was “crumbing” all over the floor.

It’s 90% teasing but she will also sometimes sneak in a compliment - twice she’s said I must be smart to be majoring in my area and how I should be a manager at the job. I also explained how the managers made me climb some scaffolding to fix something and she said “they chose the right person for the job” because I like climbing stuff.

More recently, I’d say the biggest sign is the proximity. One time I came over to her and another coworker who were talking to ask the other coworker if I could borrow his broom. When I did she shifted over right next to me and I pretended to be scared and back away and she smirked at me. Also she’ll sometimes stand next to me close enough that her hair is on my arm. Also with our water bottles - there’s this really big counter in the main area and I put my drink down and then I came back and hers was right next to (like two inches from) mine. That’s happened twice now and I think it’s notable because of how much she jokes with me about drinking soda. And it seems specific because it’s such a big surface and she goes right next to me. Also twice now she’s handed me a broom and poked me with it, then smirked at me.

Last week I helped her get a cover for her shift and she really appreciated it. When she got back we talked a lot about her being sick and she was kind of walking with me everywhere. There were a couple new employees so we did an icebreaker and she went first. I decided to test the waters and said “let’s change the order” to avoid going next and she immediately said “No my name you have to go next.” Then I said my name but didn’t give a fun fact and she immediately was like “Where’s your fun fact?” Also later on I responded to someone else’s fun fact (they said they had eight pets and I was like “Oh cool I only have four”) and she was immediately was like “Wait I didn’t know about this”. It was like that for the whole talk and she positioned herself in the icebreaker circle so she was next to and facing me (like a right angle). It just feels like it all points to her liking me but I think I might also be delusional… I’m not sure.

OP posts:
BeNoisyFish · 02/12/2025 09:28

I'm sorry but I think it's just friendly.

tripleginandtonic · 02/12/2025 09:33

You obviously fancy her so be bold ask her out. I was like this when I was young but only ever viewed male work attention like this as fun and friends.

FracasFracas · 02/12/2025 09:39

I’m assuming you’re very young if you’re still at university. Just ask her out. The ‘Did she really put her water bottle two inches from mine because she’s secretly violently attracted to me?’ stuff reminds me of why I’m glad to no longer be a teenager?

FracasFracas · 02/12/2025 09:41

And the ‘icebreaker circle’ makes me glad I’m past that type of job. (Is this just for new employees, that you have to crank out ‘fun facts’ about yourselves?)

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 09:43

Thank you guys for the feedback thus far.

Yeah the icebreaker thing is cringe but we didn’t have to do it. Someone in the group just said we should do it jokingly and everyone went along with it.

Yeah the water thing is extra I know lol, but I just feel like choosing to put it directly next to mine on the counter was targeted. Although maybe just in a friendly way.

OP posts:
myblueskirt · 02/12/2025 09:51

Is this a reverse?

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 09:52

myblueskirt · 02/12/2025 09:51

Is this a reverse?

What’s that mean? I am male if that’s what you’re asking lol.

OP posts:
Wouldwoodknot · 02/12/2025 12:02

This just sounds appropriately friendly for a colleague, when you’ve worked together long enough to get to know each other a little.

If you’re reading into where she puts her water bottle, or considering things like “she prompted me for a fun fact when I didn’t give one” (when she was leading an icebreaker session and you were supposed to give a fun fact) to be worthy of note, you’re probably having to look very, very hard for any signs that she’s interested…which suggests that she probably isn’t.

SuePerfluous · 02/12/2025 12:06

How did she get to see a hole in your pants?!

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 02/12/2025 12:48

I'm 4 years with my ex colleague.

Just be brave op if you like her.

I'm so happy with my partner I could be burst.

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 21:22

Thanks for the further feedback.

She saw the hole in my pants because I was bending down to pick something up (it’s a very small hole in my pants that I didn’t realize was there lol).

Also can someone explain what a “reverse” is?

OP posts:
RavenFinch · 02/12/2025 21:57

A "reverse" is the opposite if the normal type of post on Mumsnet.

● Usual posts: from.women moaning about a man who is ...... "oooooh I'm not sure if he likes me,he put his water bottle 2 inches away from mine" ..... etc etc

It's usually 99% of the time women (of sll ages including quite a few mature women in their 50s) posting threads about men who make them "so confused"

Your post is a reverse because you are s very very young man (obviously not married, and without kids).

This is where the problem for you lies - you don't have enough experience of dating yet to be able to ascertain if a woman is interested.

There's only one way to learn - first step would be to ask this eoman directly "would you like to go for a coffee" ..... and then you will have your answer.

Ask her if she's interested rather than random strangers on the Internet.

Sodthesystem · 02/12/2025 22:03

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 21:22

Thanks for the further feedback.

She saw the hole in my pants because I was bending down to pick something up (it’s a very small hole in my pants that I didn’t realize was there lol).

Also can someone explain what a “reverse” is?

I'm guessing a reverse in this context might be 'im not into this guy but I'm worried he thinks I might be. Is he misreading my friendliness for flirting?'.

I mean I'd say don't shit where you eat. But if you really want to know, it's simple: 'Hey Jane, you know I really enjoy your company. Absolutely brightens my day when we gave a good laugh together. Just asking on the off chance, Do you maybe fancy grabbing drinks or dinner after work sometime?'.

If she says no (or tries to make it into a group thing) then she's not into it. You then simply say 'No worries, can't blame a guy for asking. Right, I better get back to this work. Have a good one!'

Arlanymor · 02/12/2025 22:07

Sodthesystem · 02/12/2025 22:03

I'm guessing a reverse in this context might be 'im not into this guy but I'm worried he thinks I might be. Is he misreading my friendliness for flirting?'.

I mean I'd say don't shit where you eat. But if you really want to know, it's simple: 'Hey Jane, you know I really enjoy your company. Absolutely brightens my day when we gave a good laugh together. Just asking on the off chance, Do you maybe fancy grabbing drinks or dinner after work sometime?'.

If she says no (or tries to make it into a group thing) then she's not into it. You then simply say 'No worries, can't blame a guy for asking. Right, I better get back to this work. Have a good one!'

I don't think it is a reverse, but I totally agree with everything else this poster has said. Life is too short - just ask and if she's only after a friend vibe then nothing is lost is it. This is great advice here in terms of how to approach it - just get it done and if it's not meant to be then there's a new year around the corner.

Plus you're asking all of us what we think - you've not once told us how you feel, which is a bit weird if you are asking for advice. Do you like her or not?

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 02/12/2025 22:08

I agree with PP, you need to ask her out very casually and you’ll soon know if she’s into you or not.

Anonandonandonandon · 02/12/2025 22:28

RavenFinch · 02/12/2025 21:57

A "reverse" is the opposite if the normal type of post on Mumsnet.

● Usual posts: from.women moaning about a man who is ...... "oooooh I'm not sure if he likes me,he put his water bottle 2 inches away from mine" ..... etc etc

It's usually 99% of the time women (of sll ages including quite a few mature women in their 50s) posting threads about men who make them "so confused"

Your post is a reverse because you are s very very young man (obviously not married, and without kids).

This is where the problem for you lies - you don't have enough experience of dating yet to be able to ascertain if a woman is interested.

There's only one way to learn - first step would be to ask this eoman directly "would you like to go for a coffee" ..... and then you will have your answer.

Ask her if she's interested rather than random strangers on the Internet.

This is not a reverse. A reverse is where you post as if you were the other person in the scenario.

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 22:39

Anonandonandonandon · 02/12/2025 22:28

This is not a reverse. A reverse is where you post as if you were the other person in the scenario.

So it’s basically the opposite gender checking to see if what they’re doing is indicative of liking someone

Thank you all for the feedback - you make good points. Next time we’re together I’ll feel it out and carefully go from there.

OP posts:
Anonandonandonandon · 02/12/2025 22:47

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 22:39

So it’s basically the opposite gender checking to see if what they’re doing is indicative of liking someone

Thank you all for the feedback - you make good points. Next time we’re together I’ll feel it out and carefully go from there.

It would be a reverse if you were actually the lady in this scenario, but posted as if you were the man. So you’d be pretending to be the other person.

I’m not sure why people do this.

Arlanymor · 02/12/2025 23:00

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 22:39

So it’s basically the opposite gender checking to see if what they’re doing is indicative of liking someone

Thank you all for the feedback - you make good points. Next time we’re together I’ll feel it out and carefully go from there.

No it's not about gender at all. It's posting from the perspective of the other person - so if you were the one giving out the signals you mention. Yes posting as her, but her gender is irrelevant, it's whether or not you are the flirter or the flirtee. You still haven't said if you like this person, which is a key component in people giving you accurate advice. That's why people are suspicious.

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 23:14

Okay that makes more sense. I do like her and I feel like we get along well and have a good dynamic - and her parents def like/appreciate me. My bad for leaving out the part about me liking her - I was more looking for the cues that she likes me rather than next actions, but it makes sense that I should’ve included that info to begin with!

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 02/12/2025 23:21

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 23:14

Okay that makes more sense. I do like her and I feel like we get along well and have a good dynamic - and her parents def like/appreciate me. My bad for leaving out the part about me liking her - I was more looking for the cues that she likes me rather than next actions, but it makes sense that I should’ve included that info to begin with!

Faint heart never won fair maid and all that... I just tell people if I like them and deal with the fallout if they don't. The world doesn't end, it can be a bit cringe for a bit, but that's part of the tapestry of life. Not sure what her parents have got to do with it? She's a work colleague, so how would you know them - did you go to school together, is your town really small? Either way, don't go into 2026 with the 'not knowing' - just got for it. It might be great, it might not be great, but life is too short to waste literal months on 'maybe'. I wish you luck. Be brave.

KnickerlessParsons · 02/12/2025 23:27

“Coworker”? Are you American? If not, it’s “colleague”.

Messup75 · 02/12/2025 23:38

KnickerlessParsons · 02/12/2025 23:27

“Coworker”? Are you American? If not, it’s “colleague”.

Yes I am American! I didn’t know there was a key difference, but it’s just someone I work an entry-level job with.

Her parents are somewhat relevant because her mom had her get the job there and jokes with me a lot. Not directly relevant, but I thought it was notable.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 02/12/2025 23:41

KnickerlessParsons · 02/12/2025 23:27

“Coworker”? Are you American? If not, it’s “colleague”.

Obviously American - pants!

McSpoot · 02/12/2025 23:42

You’ve posted about this before, right? Or someone else (also male) has a similar issue and writing style.