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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I trust him? Was his ex living with him?

40 replies

CatzAndDogs · 30/11/2025 21:07

Met DP 18 months ago on dating app after divorce. He said he'd bought his ex out and bought her a flat, he lived with the kids . When we first met we'd always meet in hotels because his ex stayed at his when looking after kids because her place was really small. But she had a full on bed behind the sofa with loads of clothes, make up in bathroom, bras drying on radiator etc. After a year I told him it seemed weird that she had so much stuff at his ,and that she needed to have kids at hers. He said I was being paranoid. When she was abroad i was at his house all the time. When she came back, he said i couldn't stay at his because his kids were suddenly weirded out by me staying there. Lately I looked on rightmove and her flat (he told me where she lives) was sold 6 months ago, not the 2 years he told me. Which was exactly when all her stuff disappeared from his house and he told me that was because he did what I asked and told her to move it. Recently I told him about the rightmove thing and he blew up, told me I was trying to make trouble and the rightmove thing was probably because she'd remortgaged. Does it matter anyway? There's other stuff too. I'm convinced she was living with him and he says that's crazy. I've decided not to say anything to him about it anymore because it just causes problems but I can't shake that gut feeling he lied to my face.

OP posts:
Sillysoggyspaniel · 30/11/2025 21:10

You don't get a sold price on Rightmove for remortgaging 😂 he's a lying piece of shit. He has been having his cake and eating it.

Fallshealing · 30/11/2025 21:16

He's lying, this does not make for a good relationship going forwards. I'd be walking away...

Fallshealing · 30/11/2025 21:17

How long was he single before meeting you?

yeesh · 30/11/2025 21:19

He’s a liar and won’t change, him
blowing up at us a bad sign as well 🏃‍♀️

PaperMachePanda · 30/11/2025 21:22

Yeah he's a liar.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 30/11/2025 21:23

Fallshealing · 30/11/2025 21:17

How long was he single before meeting you?

I'd say he wasn't...

jackdunnock · 30/11/2025 21:23

You're never going to get the truth out of him if he is lieing. Only thing you could do is ask her (or maybe the kids). It's possible she didn't have a washing machine wherever she was staying and that's why her laundry was done at his?

One thing that stands out is that he didn't keep you hidden from his DC, and that would be an incredibly risky way to conduct an affair. So there's a very good chance his ex knew you were on the scene.

But ultimately, if you don't trust someone, the relationship is doomed already.

TwistedWonder · 30/11/2025 21:26

He’s a liar who was probably still FWB with his ex

BurnTheWholeThingDown · 30/11/2025 21:27

Oh COME THE FUCK ON (Bridget).

You can’t be that cockstruck to believe any of this from him?

Betsy95 · 30/11/2025 21:30

Ah no sounds complicated, living with an ex too blurry in terms of boundaries. I think he’s been fibbing and there was something complicated going on…. Run.

CatzAndDogs · 30/11/2025 23:41

Fallshealing · 30/11/2025 21:17

How long was he single before meeting you?

He claims she ended relationship a year before he met me, he says it took ages to buy the flat for her but she moved out into it before we got together.

OP posts:
CatzAndDogs · 30/11/2025 23:46

BurnTheWholeThingDown · 30/11/2025 21:27

Oh COME THE FUCK ON (Bridget).

You can’t be that cockstruck to believe any of this from him?

😌 I know, right? But the main thing i keep thinking about is, what if she was just staying there because she hadn't been able to move out? Difficult finding a flat. Maybe it is as he says it, the relationship was over when she left him, there was no physical stuff. And he didn't want to say she was living there cos it looked dodgy?? Yeah even as I type that..... hmmmm

OP posts:
Mummyshark2019 · 30/11/2025 23:46

Oh the lies. LTB and don't fall for any more of this shit.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 30/11/2025 23:51

He's such a liar.

Fallshealing · 01/12/2025 15:13

CatzAndDogs · 30/11/2025 23:41

He claims she ended relationship a year before he met me, he says it took ages to buy the flat for her but she moved out into it before we got together.

He's clearly lying and i think the fact that his kids were "weirded out" by you being there whilst his ex was abroad says you won't get very far in the long run with this man.

Nosdacariad · 01/12/2025 17:11

Put it like this, did you give fully informed consent to being in a relationship with him, or has he denied you that opportunity?

Pollqueen · 01/12/2025 17:20

Sillysoggyspaniel · 30/11/2025 21:10

You don't get a sold price on Rightmove for remortgaging 😂 he's a lying piece of shit. He has been having his cake and eating it.

This

PhuckTrump · 01/12/2025 17:39

When we remortgaged, Rightmovehad no clue, and didn’t list our house as ‘sold’. Rightmove has no access to mortgaging details—they only have access to the houses currently for sale, which are submitted to their website by estate agents.

TwistedWonder · 01/12/2025 18:42

It’s almost irrelevant if he was still shagging her or not. He’s a liar who got caught out and rather than admit the truth, made up yet another (ridiculous) lie.

Any man who can lie to your face isn’t someone to bother with

TheThingOnTheIce · 01/12/2025 18:59

He’s a liar op
don’t tie yourself in knots trying to make excuses for him

CatzAndDogs · 01/12/2025 22:58

I'm struggling to accept what's staring me in the face. Why?

  1. Relationship started so full on, so intense, he couldn't get enough of me, we spent so much time on msg, phone, meeting up, it was amazing and I thought it was something special. But also he gave me a really hard time about my ex dh, he was convinced we were still together and he was very paranoid about it. He's recently stopped this altogether and the peace is wonderful. But I'm confused why he suddenly changed his attitude and its making me question everything, including all this stuff with his ex. And there's other stuff too that rings alarm bells. Suddenly his sex drive has disappeared etc. But he has a plausible answer to everything.
  2. Why would he go to all this trouble lying? Now and in the past. That's what he tells me, he says if there was someone else he'd just leave. And it's true, we're not married, no kids together, no ties. I'm not all that, lookswise. Got no money or assets lol. If he wanted to he could get another woman no problem so I'm confused why he would still be with me if he'd got all this going on.
  3. I'm just worried I'm throwing something away because I'm losing the plot and its my problems trusting people.
OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 01/12/2025 23:04

Oh come on. Classic Mr Lovebombing

SandyY2K · 01/12/2025 23:08

How old are his kids?

TwistedWonder · 01/12/2025 23:09

Why - because he’s a love bombing narcissistic lying piece of shit who gets off on game playing and manipulating women for his gratification.

Honestly there’s more red flags here than Moscow on May Day. Why on earth are you still with him?

MarginWalker · 01/12/2025 23:26

The loss of sex drive rings very loud alarm bells