Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

SIL said my baby will die!

46 replies

Tinkerisdead · 09/06/2008 15:41

i posted a few weeks ago about some mutual friends advsing my DH and i that my SIL thinks we have a rift going on. We didnt indulge it and stayed out of everyones way. im 17 weeks pregnant and was sick for 12 weeks so not socialised etc. past probs with SIL in that she stormed out of our wedding when asked to move her pram and general rudeness/ignoring at functions etc.

This weekend, we were all at a wedding. My SIL waited until i was away from the table and told my DH that as ive opted for a homebirth that we're all gonna die cos im a selfish cow and risking my babies life. that ive obviously wanted a baby for 10 years and so have used my dh for a baby and dont love him. That its obvious we dont love each other as we dont say i love you in public. That our wedding was shit and we ruined the day for her. She then went on to say how as we have had our house decorated, we only care about wallpaper and not our baby.

I came back mid-way through this ranting and was horrified! She was pointing at me saying since you met her, you've changed!

None of this is true, yes im having a homebirth but i have a risk free pregnancy so far and obv if that changed, i'd go to hospital. we have seen her 3 times since december so her comments are unfounded and she hasnt seen our house!

My Dh was disgusted and asked me to leave the wedding with him, he then told his family he refuses to talk to her unless she apologises to us both in person. he refused to attend his nieces b'day party for this reason.

she has since called him and said sorry that she said things she didnt mean. he said "no problem, i might come and see niece on tuesday"

Now, i think it is a problem, to even suggest my baby would die i think is unforgivable and pass judgement on our relationship is callous. i want the personal apology and i want DH to make it clear im sick of her comments. But am I wrong do i take the brief "sorry" as adequate?

OP posts:
MamaG · 09/06/2008 15:43

I think she should apologise to you face to face. I would keep contact with her to an absolute minimum as she sounds like a horrible person.

Please don't take it to heart, it sounds like she's a nasty vindictive cow and she should not be upsetting you when you're pregnant.

RubySlippers · 09/06/2008 15:45

that is vile

i think she needs to not just say sorry, but absolutely grovel to you in person

don't take ANY notice of her, by the way

Heated · 09/06/2008 15:46

She sounds unhinged.

What do the rest of the family make of her behaviour?

EffiePerine · 09/06/2008 15:47

I think your DH should insist she apologise to you as well

NOT in person (do you really want to see her?) but maybe a phone call or a note

then avoid her as much as possible. If your DH wants to see her, let him, but steer clear yourself. The cow.

Dragonbutter · 09/06/2008 15:49

She is a fruitcake.
Avoid, ignore, don't get into any discussions ever.

Chequers · 09/06/2008 15:49

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Tinkerisdead · 09/06/2008 15:53

hmm good point, no i dont want to see her at all. i dont mind if DH resumes the relationship but i dont feel i should have to.

the rest of the family comment that "oh its just SIl, thats her way, she's always saying stuff like this"
My response is that she says stuff because no-one challenges her. Ive told DH he can see his niece and SIl but not me. i will be civil if i see her but i am disgusted at her. Not only for what she has said but also that it was at someone elses wedding with an audience. the reason i came back midway through was that people at our table had gone to the bar and explained to me that my SIL had said some very alarming things that they didnt want to listen to. hence i went back to find out what the prob was? evidently it was me!

OP posts:
Dragonbutter · 09/06/2008 15:54

would an apology make any difference at this point?

Original poster
Tinkerisdead · 09/06/2008 15:57

dragon, no it wouldnt as i dont think any nice, fair, reasonable person would think these things let alone say them. and its come after a lot of other sniping i just cant forgive it but my DH nonchalant attitude to the apology made me question myself i think.

OP posts:
TigerFeet · 09/06/2008 15:57

"oh its just SIl, thats her way, she's always saying stuff like this"

That doesn't make it acceptable does it? I'm amazed that anyone talks to her tbh.

Avoid avoid avoid. She is a loooooooney.

I do feel sorry for her daughter though.. Could you have her round to your house without her evil unhinged mother?

Chequers · 09/06/2008 15:58

Message withdrawn

OLIVIASMAMA · 09/06/2008 15:59

Dont waste your time, she's not sorry, even if she did apologise to you it would be completely insincere. In saying the things she does to you and your husband she is clearly insecure, perhaps a little jealous and looking for attention and a reaction and she achieved that.

Keep yourself completey away from her - she sounds an utter cow and someone who could potentially quite damaging.

Shes the one that will miss out when her niece or nephew is born.

BouncingTurtle · 09/06/2008 15:59

She sounds absolutely barking.
I'd steer well clear of such a toxic person.
Glad your DH is standing by you.

Do you think if she said sorry, she would even mean it?

BandofMothers · 09/06/2008 16:01

so she gets away with being a bitch cos that's her way?? Hmm

They think she's a bitch too then, if I were you I would do what you're doing, let DH get on with it but make it absolutely clear that you want no part in it. My mil was a bitch to me on Boxing Day one year and made DD2 and me feel extremely unwelcome, I didn't see her at all for over 6 mths until there was an apology and even now it is kept to a minimum, special occasions and brief. The fact that she is just like that when she's drunk (every day) and that's how she is cuts no ice with me. I am not her family, I don't have to put up with it, so I don't.

I feel very strongly about it, can you tell??

squeaver · 09/06/2008 16:01

Is she ill? Seriously - she sounds like she has some kind of mental health problem

Or does she have personal problems of her own? I've been able to tell - twice - when a couple were getting divorced because one of the pair started throwing accusations around about the state of other people's marriages and being generally nasty.

Guadalupe · 09/06/2008 16:02

I would stay well away, sorry isn't good enough. Dreadful things to say anyway let alone now when you are about to have a baby. I wouldn't see her. She's said what she wanted to say even if she apologises.

littleboyblue · 09/06/2008 16:02

How awful. A quick sorry is definately not good enough. How could anyone say any of those things.
She sounds like she's just jealous of you though.
I'd stay well clear.

Marina · 09/06/2008 16:05

Is she your dh's sister or married to his brother?
Either way, what she said was horrible (I had a death threat when I was pg again after a stillbirth and I know the impact it has on one) and you should receive a written apology. She sounds a very unpleasant woman.

Original poster
Tinkerisdead · 09/06/2008 16:06

no not ill, im positive of that. i do have her daughter without SIL. I see her with my MIL. My MIl has her for three days every week as SIL says that its important to have space away from children. maybe that is where the real issues are?

Glad everyone thinks im justified to avoid as that is my instinct and wish. My MIl said we should all get in a room and discuss it and i said no, that i married my DH not his family and ive made all efforts (MIL agreed) and i have no obligation to her as not my friend or my family! DH however can get as close as he likes.

OP posts:
FioFio · 09/06/2008 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Tinkerisdead · 09/06/2008 16:10

Dh's only sister.

OP posts:
fawkeoff · 09/06/2008 16:18

she is a poisonous jealous trout who cannot bear to see other people happy....i would not giver her the time of day ever again after spouting such venom!!!!

your dh has his own mind, but so have you she has spoken some unforgivable things IMO...i would have knocked her bloody block off in all honesty

Doobydoo · 09/06/2008 16:18

Blimmin heck she sounds hideous!
I don't think you will ever be able to be best mates but do think you have a healthy,not unreasonable attitude.If you can manage civility that would be more than she deserves.
I would worry that as she has done this so many times before she will keep on doing it and one day in front of your dc.She has no self control.Good luck

micci25 · 09/06/2008 16:23

i agree with the others, your sil sounds like she is a couple of sarnies short of a picnic!!!

stay away where possible and let your dh go see her if he wants to! although tbh i dont understand why he would want if she was saying things like that about you. if my sister told dp that he was going to kill our kids id be very very unhappy with her.

but beware that you might come off as the unreasonable one if you stay away from family gatherings because of her. so at times it may just be best to be civil but ditsant?

Alexa808 · 09/06/2008 16:28

Your SIL is a nasty piece of work, a calluous, vile, evil, spiteful, jealous, etc. etc. [fill in blanks]

How dare she? TBH, she sounds like my DHs middle brother and wife morphed into one.

Same shit to us, no apologies whatsoever. I could tell you stories...

Stay away, avoid at all costs, she's clearly insecure and jealous. Lashing out like this and saying such things about you and the baby are unforgivable.

Have to second fawkeoff, 5 months pregnant or not, I would have punched her in the gob.