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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Horrific case - When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time (TW: upsetting details in article)

29 replies

RedRoseCountyGirl · 29/11/2025 11:28

Some Mumsnetters might have read about this brave woman who was catastrophically injured by her partner earlier this year.

The perpetrator was found guilty of GBH with intent last Monday and faces sentencing next February.

Trudi is recovering but will be paralysed for the rest of her life.

She is the bravest person I know, she is still smiling, she is still beautiful…she is still my cousin Flowers

(I received her permission to put this article on Mumsnet as she wants her story to be heard. In her own words: “I’m speaking out and planning to write a book about my experience because I know there are thousands of women up and down the country in similar abusive relationships. If I can help just one of them to leave, then it's worth it”)

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15336355/Left-paralysed-attack-abuse-trudi-burgess.html#

OP posts:
OP posts:
RedRoseCountyGirl · 29/11/2025 11:33

I also want to thank journalist Liz Hull at the Daily Mail for covering this case so sensitively and thoroughly Flowers

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 29/11/2025 11:34

@RedRoseCountyGirl I hope you don’t mind, I’m going to add a couple of links for awareness sake. Please ask mods to remove if you prefer.

https://www.bbc.com/audio/play/m002hqb7

https://www.dashriskchecklist.com

I hope your cousin and your wider family continue to find strength in each other.

BBC Audio | File on 4 | Domestic Abuse: Beyond the Checklist

Leila Nathoo investigates the risk assessment system for domestic abuse.

https://www.bbc.com/audio/play/m002hqb7

RedRoseCountyGirl · 29/11/2025 11:35

Thanks @TheSandgroper
the more awareness, the better Flowers

OP posts:
OverlyFragrant · 29/11/2025 11:38

Please pass on my love to her. She has shown such courage and I wish her all the best in going forward with her life.

CandiedPrincess · 29/11/2025 11:44

I was following this case, earlier this week. It was horrifying to read about. Sending her my best wishes.

longtompot · 29/11/2025 11:53

Thank you for sharing your cousins horrific story. She is one brave woman.
I have only just seen photos of a friends dd who was put through a terrifying ordeal by the hands of her partner earlier this year, and she was utterly unrecognisable. I don't know her story but I imagine it started in a similar way. Her ex is yet to be sentenced but I hope he gets a long one

TappaMcFeety · 29/11/2025 11:55

This has stayed with me ever since I first read the horrifying details of what he did to her. She is such a brave woman, and I truly hope that, with time, her health continues to improve. I do worry, though, about what happens once this is out of the news—when the full enormity of what she has been through, and what her life will look like moving forward, really begins to sink in. I hope that, as part of her rehabilitation, she receives extensive therapy and support to help her come to terms with it all.

W0tnow · 29/11/2025 12:01

I’m horrified that her accounts of his previous abuse was kept from the jury.

legosnowqueen · 29/11/2025 12:02

This is so sad & horrific- sending love & strength to you all

CoffeeMakesTheWorldBetter · 29/11/2025 12:15

She is so brave. Sending you all so much love. My ex husband caused me a traumatic brain injury and I was too scared to tell the police the truth in the hospital (they knew) as our kids were just turned 2 and 6 😭

FartNRoses · 29/11/2025 12:21

Horrendous what your cousin went through! A very brave lady. Wishing her well and an amazing life ahead.

BusterGonad · 29/11/2025 12:45

W0tnow · 29/11/2025 12:01

I’m horrified that her accounts of his previous abuse was kept from the jury.

Yes, me too, it's unbelievable.

TheSandgroper · 29/11/2025 12:52

Adding another link for awareness @RedRoseCountyGirl

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-08-06/shaken-brains-australia-crisis-brain-injury-domestic-violence/102674036

RedRoseCountyGirl · 29/11/2025 13:50

Thanks everyone!
I’ll pass your messages on to Trudi Flowers

OP posts:
LeftieRightsHoarder · 29/11/2025 14:01

This is horrific, and needs to be publicised until every woman understands the risks.

Best wishes to you and Trudy, OP, and thanks for spreading the word. I hope she thrives and he never gets out of prison.

BillieWiper · 29/11/2025 14:13

This is awful. I think he should've got done for attempted murder.

I'm so pleased to see she's recovered beyond all medical expectations. Though her disability is completely life changing.

I had a serious assault by an ex in which he tore the ligament in my knee. I remember the helplessness of screaming 'please stop' until I heard a horrible crack and he carried on. Suddenly he tried to start apologising and calling it an accident.

Kimura · 29/11/2025 14:17

BusterGonad · 29/11/2025 12:45

Yes, me too, it's unbelievable.

It's standard, in order to prevent innocent people being convicted due to prejudice around their previous 'bad character'. For a fair trial to occur, a defendant must be judged solely on the evidence presented with regards to the specific offence(s) they are charged with.

It is now sometimes possible to get 'bad character' evidence admitted in a criminal trial, but it must meet strict criteria.

It's a double-edged sword though. A number of women's charities have been calling for the abolition of 'bad character' evidence in rape cases. In such cases, where an alleged victim of rape has previously reported incidents of rape or sexual assault, even incidents completely unrelated to the accused, these have been used as evidence of their 'bad character' in order to undermine their account.

EdithStourton · 29/11/2025 14:55

This story has haunted me since I read an earlier thread about it on MN. A friend of mine was almost killed by her then partner - she would have died without prompt, complex and lengthy surgery, but has made a remarkable recovery, mentally as well as physically.

There are so many layers to domestic abuse, from the sort of coercive control, that my father exercised over my mother as I was growing up, to murderous violence like this. The gaslighting, the threats, the dialling back ('I didn't mean it... I won't do it again...')

Spinal injuries are devastating, and Trudi will have so much to adjust to, and to mourn. She is being incredibly brave, and she will do an amazing job when she writes her book. EVERY young woman needs to be taught how to spot the signs that a much-loved boyfriend is a man who will try to control (and ruin) her life, who will continue to use violence to get his own way, who will not stop, who may try to kill her. I read Lundy Bancroft's book, 'Why Does He Do That', and it explained so much. Get your DDs to read it too...

OP, please pass on my good wishes to Trudi. She is amazing.

BTW, if anyone wants to help Trudi directly, there is a link at the end of the DM article. Being disabled is hideously expensive, and Trudi will need all the help she can get.

Naunet · 29/11/2025 20:59

Kimura · 29/11/2025 14:17

It's standard, in order to prevent innocent people being convicted due to prejudice around their previous 'bad character'. For a fair trial to occur, a defendant must be judged solely on the evidence presented with regards to the specific offence(s) they are charged with.

It is now sometimes possible to get 'bad character' evidence admitted in a criminal trial, but it must meet strict criteria.

It's a double-edged sword though. A number of women's charities have been calling for the abolition of 'bad character' evidence in rape cases. In such cases, where an alleged victim of rape has previously reported incidents of rape or sexual assault, even incidents completely unrelated to the accused, these have been used as evidence of their 'bad character' in order to undermine their account.

And there is the double standard, fine for female rape victims to be given bad character 'references', but not for violent abusive men.

Topseyt123 · 29/11/2025 21:24

Such a courageous lady. I send her my very best wishes. I hope her story can help others in abusive relationships.

RedRoseCountyGirl · 29/11/2025 22:58

EdithStourton · 29/11/2025 14:55

This story has haunted me since I read an earlier thread about it on MN. A friend of mine was almost killed by her then partner - she would have died without prompt, complex and lengthy surgery, but has made a remarkable recovery, mentally as well as physically.

There are so many layers to domestic abuse, from the sort of coercive control, that my father exercised over my mother as I was growing up, to murderous violence like this. The gaslighting, the threats, the dialling back ('I didn't mean it... I won't do it again...')

Spinal injuries are devastating, and Trudi will have so much to adjust to, and to mourn. She is being incredibly brave, and she will do an amazing job when she writes her book. EVERY young woman needs to be taught how to spot the signs that a much-loved boyfriend is a man who will try to control (and ruin) her life, who will continue to use violence to get his own way, who will not stop, who may try to kill her. I read Lundy Bancroft's book, 'Why Does He Do That', and it explained so much. Get your DDs to read it too...

OP, please pass on my good wishes to Trudi. She is amazing.

BTW, if anyone wants to help Trudi directly, there is a link at the end of the DM article. Being disabled is hideously expensive, and Trudi will need all the help she can get.

Good post, @EdithStourton
And thanks for highlighting the fund Flowers
I also didn’t realise there was already a post on Trudi’s case - I’ll go and find it

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 30/11/2025 00:25

I lived with someone for 3 years who reminded me of this guy both in looks and manner - an initially charming good looking and fun guy but ultimately a loser and a tosser who I met only a few weeks after splitting with my ex husband. I guess I was a bit vulnerable and sad - it was all a bit intense and I realised quite early on he was a bit ‘all or nothing’ and once blocked my way out of a door, took to making sure I was on ‘clock watch’ picking me up when not needed etc , I was a much higher earner than he was too and being honest career wise had far more going for me at that time, I ended up doing a runner simply to get out - I think he too could have easily turned into this guy - it’s such an awful case, what a truly lovely amazing women Trudi is - did anyone link to her help page, I would really like to give? Ah edit - I see it’s at the end of the article.

SlothfullyYours · 30/11/2025 00:44

Sending love to Trudi and her family. The fundraising page has a YouTube link to Trudi singing back in the 90s (?) What a beautiful, talented woman she is. How wicked of that man to prey on a vulnerable widow.

I have a daughter in her 20s and I've told her "if he hits you once, leave him because he'll do it again and again" but I know it's not that straightforward when a woman has feelings for a controlling man.

And it's scary how many women are murdered after they've left their abuser.

Ripplemoment · 30/11/2025 00:48

A truly horrific case.
So glad to read that she is doing so well.
She sounds like an extraordinary woman.

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