About 10 years ago I met a man who I had a short but intense “fling” with over the space of about 5 months. When we met we were both going through various issues in our personal lives and definitely leant on each other and helped each other. It felt very emotionally close at the time, it wasn’t just sex. We had a lot in common, he was also a bit younger than me which is a factor in why it ended.
Since it ended we did stay in touch, here and there. I moved on and had a child with someone else, he’s had relationships since too. The contact has always been instigated by him, he’d get in touch every few months or so. We’d have a quick chat about life, work etc. sometimes he would lean on me for advice and things. But never saw him in person since it ended and neither of us “tried to go back there” or turn the conversation to “us” if that made sense.
Recently he started getting in contact again, just like he normally would. Checking in and chatting about work and family. He mentioned an old acquaintance and conversation turned to shared memories of when we were together. We decided to have a catch up at one of our old stomping grounds. I don’t know what I was expecting to be honest, I know we get on well and thought it would be good to catch up, but I was also nervous about how I would feel.
When I first saw him after all this time I thought “what have I done”. But the night seemed to go really well, it was like no time had passed at all and conversation just flowed and felt natural. Conversation turned to us and what went wrong. He said I was the most beautiful and kind woman he’d ever been with, and that he really messed it up and all his friends thought so too. He said he was young and immature. I tried to keep it surface level and said “well you know, we were both going through things then, it probably wouldn’t have turned into a serious relationship anyway”. But I also reciprocated that I really cared about him at the time too and we had some great times and memories together.
As the night went on we became closer and closer, he instigates kissed me very passionately, being affectionate, which got more and more intense over a few hours. We were also quite drunk by this point. I said “did you want to meet up again”, to which he was extremely keen for, asking to see me again in a few days. We didn’t sleep together, though easily could have- we shared an uber home but were dropped off separately. The conversation had turned sexual towards the end of the night and he had described our past sex life as being a very special type of connection.
When I was dropped off first he kissed me passionately and said he would see me in a few days.
He checked the next day that I was feeling okay etc, but since then has gone cold and distant. We haven’t talked about the night at all, he hasn’t been chatting other than a few messages here and there. Total change of dynamic from the messages prior to going out, which were flowing.
I just feel a bit flat now. And confused. I don’t know exactly what I expected. But I feel like I’ve potentially opened up an old wound for myself. I wasn’t 100% sure about the meeting but I had a really good time, it felt like it went better than expected and I would have liked to have seen him again. The meeting felt very intense and passionate. He instigated physically and emotionally, but I reciprocated keenly too.
I suppose I’m just wondering why men do this? Why get in contact, instigate closeness again, to then go cold?
I feel a bit stupid like I’ve shown the door is open, to get rejected in a way? And that I should have let sleeping dogs lie.