Online dating

[SummerFruitss]

I haven’t dated in a decade and haven’t done online dating before. I’m looking for a relationship (long term) not sex or casual dating. Any tip? Any apps to avoid? Thanks.

Join the free sites. Most guys are in all the sites. I would be careful with Facebook dating as it can have fake profiles. But easily spotted. Just join and have fun.

I had online dated for about 5 years until I met DP on bumble 4 years ago. We would never have met otherwise. I used tinder and bumble. Bumble had slightly more guys who were after a relationship.

I did screen and chatted to guys for a few days to see if we had anything in common. I would arrange to met for a drink after a week, if the chat was normal. This avoided creating a false closeness through text and weeded out the guys who were not serious. I did go on lots of first dates, as in person you would only know.

be prepared to follow your gut and not have your boundaries pushed. I met lots of people, some are friends now. I am pro online dating. Just know it’s a numbers game

Random men aren't going to just approach you in public! That has been called harassment (and for good reason) and they've learnt their lesson. Any man that does just randomly approach you is best to be avoided.

Go to singles events etc.

I think we're soon going to start hearing about the booming market for singles events as people ditch the apps, and you'll be able to use your own intuition instead of relying on the latest marketable set of rules (burned haystack etc).

Men use to approach me all the time when I was younger, but that was a long time ago now! I’m not keen on singles events like speed dating that just isn’t for me and I feel it’s a bit cringey, I don’t have single friends to go to events with either and dont fancy going alone. I’d be more comfortable online.

Examine your reasons for wanting to date and get into a relationship. IMO, the only thing missing from my life without a man is sex!

Don't romanticise what isn't there. Having a partner is not as great as it seems in romance novels and movies. Not many women I know are truly happy or fulfilled in their marriages or relationships. Better companionship can be found elsewhere.

I would like a relationship because I like having someone to share life with, friends and family aren't the same anf have their own lives and partners.

It's so much to do with luck. My friend met her partner on match just over a year ago after being single around 8 months, I've been single for 3 years and not even had anything close to a relationship, just a handful of dates (and I really mean a handful). I think the apps in general are very different to how they were 5 years ago, so unless someone is a recent user, I don't think they know how it's changed.

I don't think you can assume that all the good men will have been snapped up before making it to online dating either as the same would be for good women. Does that mean all us who use it are not the good ones??

I don't see much difference between all the apps. The same men are across them all. I also find that I'm always the one who opens the conversation so I just move between them depending how I feel.
I actually dislike that on Bumble men use the idea that they can't message first as an excuse not to. They actually can now as it changed when "opening moves" was introduced, but only if the woman has an opening question set up (which I do).

Men I've met in the real world have been no better than those in the online world so I just think it's hard to connect and meet decent people these days. But they are out there as I know people who find them.
Just have to have some self confidence, self worth and not let it overwhelm you as it can be quite hard and unpleasant at times. But sometimes you have a laugh chatting to someone or a nice date even if it doesn't end how you hope.

Times have changed. TBH it sounds like you're just expecting someone else to do all the work for you. Men don't just randomly approach women now, and I've been told by many that OLD isn't what it was pre-Covid.

I was on the mindset that something would just happen, but it doesn't. If you don't go out and make the effort it simply won't happen.

No I agree I just mean I’m preferring to use online dating as it’s easier for me to meet people that way. I think most people meet online these days.

Agree. I’m in my 50’s and it doesn’t matter if it’s OLD, pubs, events, hobbies etc - the pool of eligible single older men is just not very deep.

And the sheer number of older men who have no idea how to speak to a woman is shocking. They’re either pretty monosyllabic or think ‘hey sexy’ is a good opening line!

I’ve been single 6 years now and not got close to anything resembling a relationship in that time. In fact I’ve only got past a first date twice.

Im not overly bothered as I’m not someone who feels the need to have a partner but it would be nice just to have a proper adult conversation with a man for a change

Fair enough. I prefer my own company. I enjoy my solitude. It would take nothing short of a miracle to find someone who meets my expectation for a committed LTR.

Have you thought about joining a local meet up group page for social events?

I’m the same, been single 7ish years ( had a few dates in that time).

The chances of me finding someone I would a relationship with, and them also liking me back is slim to non existent 😂 I’m not against a relationship as such, but what is out there isn’t worth bothering with- can’t turn a bellend into a boyfriend 😂

I can honestly say the people I know in relationships don’t exactly seem fulfilled or happy tbh.

I’m going to buck the trend here and say I think OLD is good overall as long as you keep an open mind and don’t put too much pressure/expectation on it.

i joined Tinder a couple of months ago about 18 months after my marriage broke down. I’ve been pleasantly surprised, there are all sorts of people on there looking for all sorts of different things. If you don’t like the way the chat is going, just stop. If you meet, try not to get too invested too early and just go for a coffee or a quick drink. If you don’t just want sex, say so and it will weed out the ones that do just want sex but I think you can tell pretty easily from the chat. Give it a go, you might like it!

The dating thread is good on here too, it’s a mix of people who do OLD and people who don’t although I’d say most do. It’s friendly there and we’ll help you through any dilemmas

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5431233-dating-thread-53-2025-cuffing-season?page=23

Here are my 5 rules:
Rule 1 - always ask where they live first, without giving where you live away. If they live too far away, don't continue. If you tell them first, they might pretend to live near you.
Rule 2 - be upfront with what you want. If you are not after sex, say it. If you don't be clear on this, you can't get angry if they go down a path you don't want them to.
Rule 3 - don't give up hope. There will be a LOT of men who are shit communicators and will either resort to small talk ("how was your day?" EVERY day), only want to talk about sex or send you D pics without warning and before you might even want them.
Rule 4 - Don't be afraid to block if required. Even if you state what you want, this can often be ignored / disrespected because sex is the only agenda item. Also, if you lose interest (or none to begin with) then sometimes you can receive hostile messages. Perhaps you were the 10th rejection in a row (which isn't your fault) or an ego has been damaged. Whatever the reason, don't return serve, just block.
Rule 5 - best given in a PM.