My SIL has hit me, wow

[Anna1997]

Hi lovely ladies I really would like to vent and some advice please. I will try to make it short as possible ha!
I am 28 and I have been with my partner for nearly 10 years, we have 10 month old twins ❤️
Prior to falling pregnant with my twins I was diagnosed with a tumor on my ovary and I’ve had my ovary removed, I am under cancer watch for the next 5 to 10 years as the tumour was unknown malignancy. I then had 2 miscarriages then the twins yay!
My SIL is the most toxic person I have ever come across, when I was in school everyone in the area knew her as the big scary bully. She is well known to be very horrible and toxic.
About a year into my relationship the horrible comments and digs started. We was all young and would go out drinking with massive groups of us as we all have the same friends (We are all from the same area in London, everyone knows everyone) and at the end of the night it would always be her that caused an issue with someone.
Anytime she caused an issue with me, after addressing it with her I just had to forget about it for my partners sake. He has a very small family so they are all quite close as they only have eachother and my partner hates issues!
Anyway, it got really bad over a year ago where she caused problems at my partners 30th birthday party which I organised. At the end of the party she called me very horrible names and made up some stuff about me to my partner. Of course he didn’t believe her, I didn’t speak to her since then.
I fell pregnant.
I saw her over my pregnancy quite a few times for family get together / funeral etc. Each event she said a dig to me, or a comment under her breathe.
I had a gender reveal party for my twins, and out of goodness of my heart I invited her and her girls as I wouldn’t want my twins cousins to miss out because of her. And guess what? At my gender reveal she ignored me the whole time, sly comments again, and was even rude to my sister and my sisters MIL. I was so embarrassed.
A week before I gave birth it was a friends daughter 1st birthday party, everyone was there, she walked pasted me and pushed my bag so I would notice. She said a comment about my partner buying me a car. She is clearly jealous. So yeah after that I knew once my babies were here I didn’t want her anywhere near me if she can treat me like that when pregnant
A couple months after the twins were born she kept ringing my partner saying she wants to meet them and she can’t believe I’m stopping her seeing them. They kept arguing. So again, goodness out of my heart I’ve text her and said I will be civil with her for all of our children’s sake, and she came round with her girls to meet the babies. We’ve been okay since barely see or talk to eachother but everything is civil.
Me & my partner went out on Saturday night. Our first night out since babies were born. We went with his other sister who is completely lovely, we went to a small event and ended up back on our local pub. The horrible sister ended up meeting us there when hearing we was all together as a few others joined at this point. The pub is 5 minutes from her place. Everything was going well until she had too much to drink and kept making stupid comments to me and about my relationship with her brother. Mine and his relationship is very good but she always wants to say something to get involved or cause a problem. My partner is so confused why she was bringing up these comments to me. So we ended up arguing, and I did loose it as I have so much built up anger with her, I was telling her to stop being so involved with my life and I called her jealous. Some other words were exchanged and she smacked me around the face!
Security removed her in seconds and made sure I was okay, my boyfriend heard and saw it all, he is in so much shock she reacted in that way and agrees I have done nothing wrong. He’s so upset
Of course they have had an argument and they are not speaking. SIL is shocked that he is taking my side?! She is delusional.
I am very happy this has actually happened as I know have a perfectly great reason to keep her out my life for good.
My mum is so angry, she has contacted SIL and they have had a fight. My mum has her own friendships with my SIL’s as she helps them a lot with certain things so my mum feel betrayed by her too now.
ANYWAY the advice I want is what the hell do I do now? Obviously I do not want her in my life or children’s life. But in the future what do I do with family event? For example, my other SIL’s son birthday will be beginning of next year, so I show up even if she is there? If I don’t go, do I let partner bring the twins? Will the rest of his family think I’m wrong for not going to family events with the twins, or not letting my partner take them without me? Then my twins miss out on seeing his dads family at events?
What if it dies down let’s say next year, and my partner speaks to her again? Do I have to now tell him it’s me or her? I feel so sad to put my partner in this position. I’m not saying he will speak to her again, but I never know what the futures holds, right. Please advice 🙏🏼

PS. Me and my mum spoke about reporting it to the police but there is no point to have anymore family drama and it is something I do not want to do, just incase anyone mentions this

Thank you xx

OP you need to stop worrying about the future. You have enough to deal with right now and you can't spend the next six months, a year, two years, five years...wondering what you'll do if it happens. You'll lose your mind.

IF it happens that they start speaking again (big if) that's when you come back to MN to ask for advice on what to do. The advice will vary depending on how long it's been and what's happened in the meantime.

For now all any of us can do is speculate, we don't know any more than you do. Please try to let it go unless and until it actually happens. Today is the immediate aftermath and that's enough for you to deal with.

I totally agree with everything you said. She is enabled because everyone is too scared to properly address it to her
people don’t bother addressing it to her as they know the result will just be her being horrible to them. Totally agree with you
Same thing with MIL, she doesn’t say anything to her own daughter so it is enabled. she has not even check if I’m okay. Ridiculous

If she did that to me her nose would be on the other side of her face (and I'd be facing an ABH charge).
I hope you do the sensible thing op, never ever speak to her again keep completely away from her.

hey, I think you’re maybe seeing it wrong. I didn’t start arguing with her. Everything was going well, we was all laughing & talking & dancing with one another until she got spiteful towards the end and kept saying comments and digs at me, especially regarding my relationship with her brother. I reacted with anger, of course?! After everything she has done to me in the passed this was her last chance so I was angry yes. We both started to argue and she smacked me.
I was engaging with her because we was perfectly civil before this, we spoke on the phone 2 days prior about what the children want for Christmas.
no of course my mum did not get physical, she would never do that. She got into a shouting match over the phone. Like I said my mum has her own friendships with my SIL’s as they are also neighbours, my mum lost it because she has seen what SIL has put me through over the years, and she just laid hands on her daughter

She gets away with this because you all enable her. I would be going to the Police and reporting this. I would also not want my children around this person so would happily miss family parties etc and see them another time.

I don’t understand the bit about your mum & SIL? Am I wrong - the horrible SIL is married to your brother in law or is she your brother’s sister? If so, why on earth has your own mum maintained a relationship with her?

You need to report her to the police 100%. If this gets worse, you need a paper trail. You are pussyfooting around other people's feelings when your physical safety is at risk. What if she stabs you next time? Absolutely expect your partner to choose you over her, if it comes to that. Don't go anywhere near her from now on.

Nasty SIL is my partners sister.
My family & my partners family have always been close and maintained close friendships. We have been together since I was 18. My mum & SIL live right next to eachother. My younger brother & SIL children go to the same secondary school. Everything is just so close. Mum has had conversations with her before about her behaviour towards me, but I’ve always asked for it to be civil as I didn’t want further drama

If she feels her family are supporting You & not her, plus you all blank her she will become even more enraged.
She will go all out to undermine & upset you.
You should report to the police, this needs doing so you can protect yourself & your kids.
Dont go to anything she is at. Inform the other family that you have no intention of any interaction with her. She is to keep away from your children.

I would report this too. It doesn’t sound like she’s ever had a consequence in her life. I can see everyone brushing it under the carpet in a few weeks.

You seem to be constantly trying to avoid drama. All of you. It’s not working.

If you don’t report her to the police she WILL do it again!! She will think she’s got away with it!

Report it to the police. You are letting her get away with it and you will have no one to blame when she treats your kids like shit (which she will) but yourself.

Time for ultimatums. Call the police and report her. Tell your partner its time to step up, be a man and back you all the way or you want a divorce.

Have some fucking self respect and stop allowing yourself to be abused. Do you plan on letting her treat your children like this? Then draw the line now and make it very clear she crossed it.

If this happened to me and my partner didn't back me up, I'd be telling him to fuck off home to mummy because I signed up for a husband. He takes your side or a cab to his mother's, his choice.

You keep saying you dont want drama, but the way you have been trying to avoid it so far hasnt worked has it?

You HAVE drama whether you want it or not! You cant stop her creating it by putting your fingers in your ears and pretending it isnt there.

With people like this the only way to stop drama happening is to take away their power to create it, and now she has rather handily given you an opportunity to do that. She has pubicly, undeniably, physically assaulted you to the point where security removed her. So reporting her to the police will not increase the drama, it will take the drama away.

Why dont you admit the real reason you dont want to do it is because you are scared of her?

Hi OP, I appreciate only you know your situation fully but based on what you describe I disagree. I think it would cause less drama in the long run for you. Maybe not in the short term. She will know actions have consequences for next time.
If you go to the police this may be awkward for others, but it will be easier for you. She didn’t hit others, she hit YOU. People can still invite you both, but if you go she can’t (assuming you get that order which is hard to get). You don’t have to apply for it if you don’t think you need it. It doesn’t stop you reporting her. Anyway, stop putting her and others first. SHE created the mess, any fallout is on her. Repeat this to yourself and others if they need it.
Another thing, you are not going to get less headache I suspect with any choices. A bully doesn’t like you and suffers no consequences for acting on it. Why would she stop? Your only chance is prosecuting her and otherwise standing up for yourself. Then her actions have negative consequences for her. In fact if you try to drop it for an easy life I predict it will get worse.
Re your partner it is a hard one. You can’t dictate he should never speak to his sister again and I agree he may well want to. I would hold the line that YOU won’t and you will protect your children too. As long as he didn’t expect me to budge an inch I would do my best to come to terms with it if he does. There is no easy answer.

They are all bullied by her, they are keeping their heads down as they are scared of her. Particularly her mother has never has been able to stop this, she has always kept quiet, (even spoiled her ?) to try & manage the fall out.

I 100% agree

It is true what you are saying! But I am not scared of her at all. That is long gone now, and I don’t have any care to be scared of her. I’m more worried about what havoc it would cause it the family if I did go to the police. She is the sort of person to then argue with every single one of her family because of it. She will probably say to them.. she called the police on me! If you talk to her (me) then I won’t speak to you again .. which puts the rest of the family in such a shit position

I get that, but you are scared of her, or at least of her reaction.

But so the hell what if she kicks off?

Someone has to be the person to say "ENOUGH!!!" and I sense that you are hoping that it will be someone else, but I can bet you a thousand pounds that the rest of them are all hoping that it will be you. You, right now, are the one person who can say "No, this is done, I am done with you" and if she pulls her shit and they cave, well are they such a loss to you? No. And I am again willing to bet that more than few will say "Well you attacked Anna, I dont like you and I never liked you so if you wont speak to me again....well thats fine". Ultimately the only person frozen out will be her, she sounds about as popular as a yeast infection.

Someone has to be the one to make the stand to allow others to follow, and thats you.

Be brave, do it. If only for your children. Are you a Lioness for your kids, or not?