Once a cheat always a cheat??

[Photowall]

NC for this.

My partner of 3 years has always struggled with low self esteem and as such can be a ‘bottomless pit’ of needing reassurance. This has got better over the last year or so with firm boundaries from me.

When we got together he made a comment about how he cheated in a previously relationship (‘relationship was dead, think she was cheating to etc 🙄)
Over then last few years he has dropped in that he has basically cheated in every relationship he has been in. And each time feels ‘justified’ in doing so.

Forward to now, he has recently started making comments about how he wants more or different things in our sex life (IMO we have a great sex life 4/5 times a week, quite varied etc) so this took me by surprise, we talked about it and he didn’t really have an answer only wanting a bit more of one thing so I said ok we can do that. Couple of times I offered in the moment, he declined and we did something else, no drama. But then straight after he would start on about how ‘it’s a shame we don’t get to do the thing I like’???? And then all week will moan about not getting this thing or how sex life is ‘planned’ or ‘not what it used to be’ (classic gaslighting)

I am now thinking, is this some sort of script to look elsewhere???

No. Always a cheat. People just don’t change. It’s a mindset. A lack of morality or principles.

My ex completely justifies his cheating. Irrationally so. He is just led by his cock. It’s quite simple.

Yes once a cheat always a cheat.

I cheated in all my previous relationships.
DH and I have been together for 21 years and I have never cheated on him.

Your DP does sound like he's looking for reasons to be dissatisfied though. What does he say when you remind him that you offered to do his sex thing but he refused? So the whole 'it's a shame 😕' chat is down to him not you?

My ex had cheated in most of her previous relationships. In a pattern of lining up the next one (and starting it) before ending the old one. And did the same with me. I think I thought that because we were married with kids, I’d be different. I wasn’t. It was also never really her fault, because “the relationship was already dead”. I hope that she’ll be different with OW, as there are kids involved ok both sides, who were all upset by the end of their parents’ marriages in order for this new relationship to become official.

Even if he doesn't cheat on you, he sounds like a misogynistic twat and that's not going to change.

A man who complains to you about sex is just a total loser - move on x

“he has recently started making comments about how he wants more or different things in our sex life”

This to me reads that the “more”
or “different” means someone else. Since you already have a very active sex life which he has started picking holes in, it’s not about you or anything you are doing or not doing. This is all him and I think your instincts are absolutely right. He’s rewriting the narrative slowly to justify it when he repeats his usual pattern. You’re worth more than this.

Honestly the first paragraph was enough for me to think get the hell out of there, bottomless pit of reassurance paints enough of a picture that no further discussion is needed. He’s not fit to be in a relationship until he sorts himself out.

@Photowall your partner isn't a case of 'once a cheat, always a cheat'. He's more, 'always a cheat, always a cheat'.

It's obvious he's already cheating, or planning to, whilst blaming you for it. It's part of his character now.

Aww, you don't read his mind. That makes you a bad gf and gives him a reason to cheat. 🙄

He's cheated in every relationship. He's sulky and immature and blames the woman for his cheating. He looks for outside validation and he's started his cheating pattern in your relationship and the honeymoon period is over.

This is him. You tolerate his bullshit why?