Any passive aggressive MIL comments or just plain rude ones to share?

[KiwiDollar]

My in laws are coming over tomorrow and I always dread it as my MIL is so down and negative and she can be quite passive aggressive towards me, well I did steal her only son! I am now knee deep in perimenopause so I don’t think I can bite my tongue anymore after 28 years! Here’s some of the comments and things she’s done in the past. Feel free to add your own, would love to feel I’m not the only one!

On my in laws 2nd visit to our first house the MIL bought her own mug as she said my mugs were “too heavy for her hands to hold”

Around 3/4 months after my DD was born she wanted to come and stay a week to “help” She walked in and announced immediately “Right, I’m not here to do your cooking or housework, I will nurse the baby while you carry on with your jobs” I was breastfeeding my DD at the time! She just sat there and did nothing but hold my baby and play the new mother. She made me one sandwich the entire week. That was her effort.

When my DD was a baby (until she was around 2) the in laws would come to visit always mid week when my DH was at work so I had them all day from 10am - 8pm. She would speak through my DD to try and control my parenting I.e. say out loud “oh mummy stop doing that. Oh mummy I don’t need to be picked up now, oh mummy stop fussing over me” I wasn’t ever doing what she said, she was just really jealous every time I held her.

One time my DH took DD over to theirs when she was about 2 1/2 to stay the day and night as we were at a wedding. I got all my daughters overnight things ready and my husband left but he forgot her coat. The next day she came back wearing the same clothes I had put her in and the same knickers even though I packed a clean pair, and clean clothes. Fast forward a year later and MIL tells me she came across the coat from the time they had DD for the weekend. “It was from when you forgot to send her with a coat, do you remember? It was such a cold weekend and she had nothing so I had to find one quickly. It was at least 2 sizes too big!” tinkly laugh staring at me

The most recent one was when I made a sweet and sour chicken for us all which I know she likes. I know she loves red and orange peppers but not green as we’ve talked about it before so I didn’t put any green in. She was in yet another dark mood that day and ate it really slowly. We had to wait for her as usual. She pushed all the peppers to one side and didn’t touch them. I said “why haven’t you eaten the peppers?” She replied in a grumpy tone “I don’t like peppers, I never have” We have NEVER been invited to theirs for a meal. They always come to ours and I have to cook.

Just a few, but think I could write a book! Would love to hear your stories.

I don't understand why you allow this woman to spend so much time with you in your home? I'd be telling Dh to deal with her from now and and moving on.

The first comment was mildly amusing and I'd have had a field day sourcing ridiculous tiny mugs for her for the future but the rest is just awful and makes no sense to me as to why you'd continue to engage.

I'm so tired of the MIL bashing threads but then you read things like this and think, "fuck, are tehre really people who behave this way?!"

Plenty of examples on this thread from yesterday:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5447939-to-ask-you-what-is-the-worst-thing-your-mil-has-done-or-said-to-you

Blimey…..talk about harbouring a grudge! How far back are those examples if you and DH have been together 28 years?

I think it’s time you let go and stopped fretting over stuff from the past. You should have tackled it then and maybe now you would have a more easy going relationship where you could be open with other without offence being taken over petty sleights.

I have two MILs and both spend their time trying to make me like them more than I like the other

I was ready to laugh and recommend you get her a sippy cup for her tiny dainty hands at the first comment... But then you kept going.

Mate. How have you and your husband allowed this for 28 years?

My favourite one:
My husbands graduation when we were in our 30’s and recently married having been together since we were 17.
He is given a pamphlets and MIL asked what it was for he said it’s like tips for the day to which MIL says ‘Here’s a tip for you, dump the wife!’ Chuckled to herself, no one else did. DH (very wise to her ways) replies ‘Oh Mum, it’s not like you to be such a bitch’

When I first moved in with DH (into his existing home), we invited ILs over for dinner. 1st time I’d cooked for them. MIL arrived with a personalised bottle of champagne which was a 30th anniversary gift from DH and his Ex. The label was written like a card, to ILs from DH and EX name. I ignored it. MIL asks why the champagne isn’t out. I wrapped a towel around it and put it in an ice bucket as I refused to rise to it. After dinner, I put the empty bottle in the bin and she came into the kitchen and asked for it back, as the label was ‘sentimental’. DH was mortified…..words were had 😂

Mine had a list of perceived slights that she and SIL listed including- she didn’t feel welcome in the house as I (not DH and I, just me) hadn’t made the bed up for her. It was being washed and tumbled fresh for her arrival as it is for every guest. This is clearly women’s work.

So grateful I don’t have in laws like this 🙈

I did have an ex boyfriend who I was talking about my weight with, we were trying to get fit and healthy together. She overheard us and said ‘wow that’s MASSIVE!!!!!’ I am 5ft 8in and she was 5ft….it would be for you lovely but close to perfect for me 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

I once told my ex MIL her friend had made me feel uncomfortable in our meeting with him as our conveyancer as he kept staring at my chest. She said “well did you have a low cut top on as you usually do?” 🙃 no I did not. And I don’t usually wear them, she had seen me in them a handful of times at events. I was also early 20s so it wasn’t like I was dressing abnormally for my age.

WHAT did you do to your HAIR!!

What an unpleasant woman op ,I had many comments like that ,nasty
I had a coat one as well ,warm coat

Horrid horrid people .

So shes sounds vile. But has your husband never said mum are you for real? I'd be limited contact with her. But your husband needs to step up. She's continuing with this awful behaviour because it goes unchallenged

When we announced our engagement, she gave me a dirty look, turned to my now DH and said Are you sure she isn't just going to hurt you?
When our DS was little she used to make barbed comments through him about how cruel his mummy was and she didn't look after him properly.
Apart from these examples she was generally OK, just a fusspot. It was FIL who was the bitchy one!

My MIL was a piece of work. Every time we booked a holiday she would feign illness and my husband would insist that we cancelled. ( Until I told him he could move in with her and nurse her.) She was not a very good actress either. She would pretend to faint but always guaranteed herself a soft landing. The best was when she pretended to faint and slumped across her car bonnet with her legs still straight and supporting her. She held her breath and my husband was in a panic declaring that she had stopped breathing. I said “Don’t be stupid she would be navy blue, she’s a nice healthy pink and her chest is moving up and down.” She had managed to get rid of his former girlfriends, but her tricks didn’t work with me. She hated me and the feeling was mutual.

Sorry but that’s insane… is your husband very very stupid?

Complained to anyone who would listen I had put the sheets on the bed upside down when she came to stay.

What is coat one? I think I might have one of these!

@Libby1233455

Mil " have you got the coat I brought DD ,you know the warm one"

@Fionasapples it's never ok to undermine a child's mum to the child.

What always cones through in these threads is how women are still doing all the prep/cooking for in-laws/hosting/having to entertain when their DHs are at work etc. Then they moan about it! Just why? You don’t have to do it, my DH wouldn’t stay at home whilst I went out if my parents were staying and neither would he run around doing all the bedding, planning and cooking meals so why would it work the other way around? In my view the best way is you do your own parents or you do it 100% joint. I also can’t believe in 2025 mothers still expect DILs to ‘run the house’. Best thing is to set your stall out early then everyone knows where they stand. Nobody insults me in my own house.

Mine once told FiL we’d made her sleep in DS’s cot - it was a full size single bed (we had the extending one from IKEA which was shorter normally to make more space in his room but we extended it to full size for her). He was three and hadn’t slept it a cot for over a year at that point! Ok the sheets had dinosaurs on them but we didn’t have any other single bedding. My parents were sleeping on the day bed in the other bedroom and we only had a small three bed house, the only other option was her to sleep in our room and us to sleep on the sofa/airbed in the lounge! We had DS an airbed in our room so she didn’t have him in there with her. She acted like it was massively unreasonable for an adult to sleep on a single bed for a couple of nights!

My MIL told me she couldn't wait for me to go back to work so she could have her turn to be Mummy when I was on maternity leave.

Currently not working due to our child having long term medical complications. She keeps making comment to DH in front of me that its unreasonable I expect him to keep me and the children and his money should be for himself. She feels it's the woman's job to provide and look after the family home. A man's money and time is for himself 😂.

She tells our children im a bad or naughty mummy if I say they cant have sweets or chocolate before dinner or if I stop them eating multiple share size packs of sweets.

The food i cook for the children is disgusting and she prefers plain food and DH has lost too much weight since living with me. His mummy would always look after him if he needs her to.

Anyone else love “Shawna the Mom” on YouTube?
She is an acting genius and the MIL, Barb is something else! A complete monster, yet totally believable. Funny, rage-inducing and sad at the same time.
Recommend you give her a go, might make you feel better about your own MILs.

She stood watching me make DHs sandwiches for work one day. (chicken salad)(lots of them he's a builder). When i had buttered the bread she sighed ''oh. all that animal fat ....'' as if i was spreading cat shit all over it!

🙄

Shes not a vegan. She's just one of those 'i eat like a bird, i'm so tiny, cuts every teeny weeny bit of fat off meat and push the food round the plate, ooooh are you going to eat ALL that!?!? You are so funny Ha ha ha!' people. 🙄🙄🙄🙄